Category: Leadership & Spiritual Life

Many years ago, when I was still working full-time as a pastor of two small churches, I would regularly visit a retreat center with a large labyrinth made of restored prairie. Though they resemble mazes, labyrinths have a singular path that those who walk them follow in and out as they pray or meditate. 

I walked that labyrinth many times over the years that I visited that retreat center, and each time was a different experience from the last. This was, in part, due to the dramatic changes of the prairie from one season to the next. Summer brought tall grasses and beautiful wildflowers, as well as the buzzing of bees and other insects. Verdant colors became muted as everything dried out in the fall. In winter, it was often necessary to brush aside or step over tall grasses bent by wind and snow. Spring meant green shoots growing up from the ashes of the annual prairie burn, which usually took place around Good Friday. And the cycle began again.

It was somewhat shocking to come to the labyrinth following those spring burns. The ashes were messy, and the barrenness of a landscape was a sharp contrast to the beauty and vitality of the plantlife that had been there before. Walking the labyrinth in that season always left me feeling exposed when I was so used to the cover of the tall grasses. But there was also something inherently hopeful in spotting tiny little plants emerging from the ashes.

Periodic burns are essential to the health of a prairie. Burns kill off invasive species and clear out overgrowth that keeps the sun from reaching growing plants. That overgrowth is transformed through the burning into nutrients that support the health and vitality of those little green shoots. Though the burning of a prairie seems destructive, it is actually nurturing new life. This paradox was the inspiration for the PrairieFire program here at the Center. PrairieFire is a two year program of spiritual renewal and formation. Through contemplative spiritual community, PrairieFire invites participants to clear space for the new growth that is waiting to emerge.

I came to PrairieFire as a participant in 2012. At that time, I was feeling restless and depleted as I was trying to juggle my work as a pastor with marriage and parenting two young children. I was weighed down with the responsibility I was carrying for others and the sense that I would never find my way to “good enough” for my churches, my family or God. Through the compassionate community I found in PrairieFire, I experienced God’s love in a more expansive way. Call became less about obligation and more about nurturing the gifts and passions God had given me. I ended up going back to school to get my counseling degree, relocating with my family to the metro, and beginning my work in the mental health field here at the Center!

None of those changes were easy, but I am exceedingly grateful for the ways that PrairieFire provided the support and nurture I needed to make way for new possibilities. Almost fifteen years later, I continue to give thanks for the opportunity to use my gifts in deeply meaningful work as a counselor and spiritual director. I also celebrate the joy of co-directing the program that was such an important part of my own journey. And now I have the privilege of stepping into the role of the interim Director of Leadership and Spiritual Life. I do not take for granted the “wildflowers” that have grown so abundantly in my life!

---

We are currently accepting applications for our next PrairieFire class. If you are interested in learning more, please visit our website: https://mindspiritcenter.org/prairiefire/  I’m happy to answer questions or to tell you more as you discern whether PrairieFire might support you in the season you find yourself in.

On February 27 I am retiring from my role as Director of Leadership and Spiritual Life at the Mind and Spirit Counseling Center. I have made this decision based on how I want to spend my time and energy in my late 50s. Most importantly, I want to spend time traveling with my son before he leaves for college and reconnecting with long time friends and mentors around the country. 

Leadership and Spiritual Life programs will continue after my retirement. Andrea Severson will be the contact person for Leadership & Spiritual Life. I will also continue to be available as an independent contractor in any ways that might support The Center’s mission of hope and healing. I welcome such short-term partnerships. If requested, I am available to partner with The Center for: 

Conflict transformation

Clergy & congregational consultation, support, & visioning

Suicide prevention training 

I will also continue to offer the Track 1 Emotionally Aware Clergy Leadership Program and Individual spiritual direction independently. You can also reach out to Andrea Severson if you are interested in either of these. She will let you know how to reach me directly. 

I have enjoyed working with my colleagues, clients, clergy, and congregations over the past five and a half years and I am grateful for The Center’s invitation to continue to work together from time to time in this way. 

I believe The Center has a long and vital future and will continue to offer spiritually integrated psychotherapy, spiritual support, and congregational care long into the future. 

With deep gratitude,

In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear shares the story of Jerry Uelsmann, a professor at the University of Florida. Dr. Uelsmann divided his film photography students into two groups. He told one half of his class that they had to produce only one photo but to get an “A” it had to be of the highest quality.  He told the second half of the class to simply produce as many pictures as they could without worrying too much about it being perfect.

Guess what happened.  The class that was simply told to produce the most also produced the best quality while some of the class that focused only on one picture actually failed to finish one piece.

It seems what happened was that the class that was encouraged to create and given permission to make mistakes learned to be better photography skills through their mistakes.  They also did not feel pressure to be “perfect” and were more playful and creative because of the added “freedom” that they felt. 

In contrast, the other half of the class spent a great deal of time talking about what the perfect picture would be like instead of actually practicing the art of photography.  They also felt so constrained by the burden of creating something “perfect” that it inhibited their creativity.

It is good to give “our best” to whatever we do.  However, we have to keep an important tension.  “Our best” also has to be balanced with a measure of grace. 

We always have limited insight, talent, time, and resources.  Everything we do happens in the context of the rest of our lives.  Yes, we can be tempted to use this as an excuse for not really trying.  However, what I see more is people getting discouraged, depressed, and anxious because they don’t feel anything they do is good enough.  Sometimes they also conclude that they are not good enough either.

The “bad news” is very bad.  If I set the bar at “perfect”, I will fail EVERY time. No one is perfect.  If perfection is my goal I will likely procrastinate or resist taking on new challenges.  I will not be creative, playful, or joyful and I will most likely become depressed. 

However, the “good news” is very good.  You and I do not have to be perfect to be fully human.  Not only can we make mistakes, our “mistakes” might be our best teachers and even a source of inspiration to others.

One of my favorite memories of my son growing up is one that happened while he was playing soccer with his friends. His friend, Adam, who was playing forward, had a perfectly clear shot at the goal. He was undoubtably one of the best players on the team. He took the shot and watched as it sailed seven feet over the top of the goal. I groaned silently to myself, not because I was disappointed in him, but because I imagined him feeling lousy and embarrassed. However, to my surprise, he threw his head back and started laughing! I am sure that if he had scored that goal, I would have forgotten it by the end of the day. However, I still think of this often. I count it as one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen.

Late October is a good time to visit Paris. It is less expensive, less hot, and there are fewer tourists, like me. I began planning this trip six years earlier after an impromptu day trip from London with my son, who wanted to see the Eiffel Tower. Until then, I had no desire to go to Paris. However, from the moment we stepped out of Gare du Nord Train Station, I was enchanted, and I vowed to return and spend more time.

Most people in the city speak English. However, out of respect, I downloaded a French lesson app and learned as much French as I could in a month. As long as the conversation involved a man, a woman, a girl, a boy, a dog, or a cat eating a croissant, I was “good to go.”

Since no one else in my family wanted to join me, this was to be a solo trip. I was both excited and nervous about this. “Solo” meant I could travel as I wished, with few plans and lots of wandering. The main thing I wanted to “do” in Paris was simply to “be” in Paris. That excited me. However, “solo” also meant being more vulnerable. My biggest fear was getting hurt, needing help, and being alone.

On my second full day, I took a long walk along the Seine to Notre Dame Cathedral. I have a beautiful memory of eating a delicious crepe that had seconds earlier been on fire right in front of me, as the bells of the cathedral rang above me. “I am so very fortunate.” I thought to myself.

As the sun set, I headed back to my hotel. It was dark by the time I reached the busy intersection near my hotel. I noticed the crosswalk sign lighting up green just before I reached the crossing lines. Not wanting to wait, I broke into a slow jog, intending to cross just a little bit before I properly got to the crossing.

Suddenly, and as if all at once, I was both flying and landing hard on my right side while listening to the sound of my glasses skittering across the pavement. I had tripped on something after taking no more than one step. I was embarrassed, ashamed, afraid, and I WAS IN THE ROAD! I quickly grabbed my bent glasses, staggered to the median, and leaned against a pole to begin assessing how badly I was hurt. My right lung ached, but nothing was broken. “How hard did I hit my head?” I wondered.

I continued leaning against the pole in the median for what felt like five minutes, assessing my condition and trying to figure out how I had tripped. I realized that in my hurry, I had failed to notice a small curb that separated the bike lane from the sidewalk, A curb that ended at the crosswalk. “That was so dumb!” I scolded myself. “Slow down and be more careful. That could have really been MUCH worse.”

For the first time on my solo trip, I felt alone. Many people saw me fall, but no one asked me if I was okay. I almost began to cry. I began speaking more compassionately to myself. “I am okay. I may need a stitch or two above my eye, but I am okay. I am very fortunate.”

Then I noticed a hand reaching out to me. A woman discreetly offered me a small tissue that I imagine, upon seeing I was bleeding, she had taken the time to dig out of her purse. By the time I could say “Thank you,” in English, she was making her way across the street.

Without saying a word, she had said, “I see you. I care. You are okay, and you are not alone.”

I know someone who has a very interesting set of pictures hanging in her living room.  The couplet is framed side by side and at first glance they look like identical pictures of a familiar Norman Rockwell family Thanksgiving scene.  Both family portraits sport large roasted turkeys with all of the trimmings, and in both pictures mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, and children are smiling and excited as they prepare to dig in.  As I said, the pictures look identical at first.  But as one draws closer it becomes obvious that one picture is a fake!

Yes, the picture on the left is a familiar Norman Rockwell painting.  However, the picture on the right is not a painting but a photograph. . . a photograph of this person’s entire family recreating the original Norman Rockwell painting down to the gravy bowl! 

Of course it was all done in fun, but can you imagine how much work it must have been.  First someone had to convince everybody that it would in fact be fun, then they had to find plates, silverware, and furniture that reasonably matched those in the painting.  Finally everyone had to dress the part, pose in just the right position, then. . . snap!. . . one genuine facsimile of the real thing!

It takes a lot of work to make an entire family look like a Norman Rockwell painting, but every holiday season many of us try desperately to pull it off. . . not for fun, but for real. . . not for a moment, but for days on end.  We make plans and pray that everything will go well, . . . that children will get what they want. . . that family members will get along. . . that people will not act out. . . that this year we might finally be a “real” family.

We try to get everyone together for the Christmas picture and the grandkids have ruined their new pants splashing in the mud.  Dad has let the rolls burn because he wanted to catch the end of the football game.  Grandmother is sad because she misses Grandpa, and Mom is worn out from cooking and cleaning and is sure she has done much more than her fair share. . . SNAP!  The portrait that we hoped would look like an idealistic Norman Rockwell ends up looking more like a distorted Picasso!

There are no perfect families.  All of us can benefit from a measure of patience and empathy this season.  We are not responsible for everyone’s feelings and behavior in our families.  Also, it is normal to feel sad sometimes during the holidays as we remember those people and things that we miss.  This is especially true if we have lost someone in the past few years.  Take some time to celebrate their life.  Cry, laugh, and acknowledge whatever it is you are feeling.   May we all be freed of the burden of having a perfect holiday season this year and in this freedom find peace and joy.

My doctor noticed the hesitation in my voice as I answered a few of the questions on my depression screening as part of my routine physical.

“Say more about that.” He compassionately encouraged.

“I do think about death a good bit just before I go to bed. But I am a pastor. I think about death a good bit as part of my job. I do not want or have a have plans to kill myself, but sometimes I wish I could just cease to exist and be replaced with a better version of myself and no one would know the difference.”

There was sincerity and caring in his voice as he said, “I believe it would be a good thing for you to talk to a counselor. Would you be willing to do this?”

I was surprised to hear him say this.

“If you think I should, I will, but I do not have plans to kill myself and I want to assure you that I would go directly to the emergency room if I was having serious thoughts about suicide. I have been this way for most of my life. I think I can just be a bit dramatic in my self-talk.”

“I am not worried you are going to leave here and kill yourself, but I do think it is important for you to talk with someone, and I am glad you are willing to do that. I will set that up before you leave.” He insisted.

I had taken depression screenings before. Also, there were times in my life when I knew I was depressed, but I could always link them to a short-term life situation. So, in my mind those thoughts and feelings had “passed” when I returned to my “normal self.” I did not realize that for reasons doctors and researchers still do not fully understand, I was one of those people whose brain chemistry “set-point” was a bit too low.

Seven years later I meet monthly with my therapist. I take a little round pill every morning, and I seldom have a desire to not exist, even when things are tough. When I do, I do not dismiss them. I know they are a warning. I ask myself what I need to do to take care of myself, and I make no excuses about prioritizing that care. I cannot believe I thought this way of feeling and thinking was “just part of being me” for so much of my life.

Why did this take so long? Part of the reason is that the “set-point” of alarm for the culture, even in the medical community was too high. I never reached the point of desperation, and no one asked specific questions or listened for early indicators that I might need some support. Thankfully, family medicine is becoming more aware. Still, we can do more to improve people’s quality of life and prevent suicides.

Last month I became a Soul Shop trainer. Soul Shop is a movement that is helping congregations recognize and address the two most significant factors related to suicide: a loss of hope and a loss of connection. Or, in other words, desperation and isolation. Please note that the first word is “desperation” and not “depression.” While a significant number of people who attempt suicide or die by suicide are living with depression, a just as significant number of people are not.

Yes, we DO need medical and mental health professionals in order to save lives. However, that is not enough. The good news is that we do not have to be a “professional” to save a life.

One of the Soul Shop trainers shared his story of being a lifeguard: One of the skills he learned in training was how to methodically scan the pool. One day he was diligently doing just that. He moved his gaze from the far right corner to the far left just as he was trained. However, just as his gaze left the right corner of the pool, a little boy fell off the edge and sank to the bottom of the pool. By the time he realized that he had literally just missed seeing this, a woman near the little boy had reached down and grabbed the child off the bottom of the pool, saving his life.

His point. . . it is not always the “professional” who makes the lifesaving difference, it is the person who is near that person, sees them in trouble, and acts.  Soul Shop teaches congregations to be those kinds of people for each other and anyone that they meet.

If you would like to host a Soul Shop training for your congregation or a similar training designed for non-religious institutions and workplaces, please email or call. The more we can create communities of awareness and connection who are not afraid to talk about suicide, the more hope and genuine connection we can offer and the more lives we can save.

If you are a loved one is considering suicide, please call “988” after answering some automated questions you will be connected with a trained counselor.

“God saw everything he had made: it was supremely good.” (Gen 1:31 New Common Bible)

I have committed myself to at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. It is a pretty low bar right now, just get up and move intentionally with some degree of vigor for at least 30 minutes daily. One early summer evening I decided not to worry so much about the time or the vigor. I decided I would simply get out and “play” like I did when I was a kid: decided to just go outside, move around, and explore.

I visited my local park that has a trail around a good size lake. It was my usual place but I showed up in a new way. No agenda, no “goal” other than to move around and pay attention.

I started walking at a healthy pace, but I did not watch the time. I saw a bench and decided to sit for a while. Not because I was tired, but because the bench said, “Sit for a while.” I sat for about 5 minutes and in that time I petted a nice dog, had a short conversation with a stranger who said “hello,” and saw the woman at the post office who always saves small shipping boxes for me. We too, had a short visit.

Then the path said “Why don’t you walk some more,” so I did.

---

As I walked I noticed a plant community. There were tall trees, small trees, shrubs and all manner of grass and plants that, in my yard, I call “weeds.”

Then the large trees said, “Welcome wanderer! Care to visit a while? We have something important to ask you.” So I stopped and listened.

Of course, trees speak “tree” just as squirrels speak “squirrel” and rocks speak “rock.” Tree, like rock, is a quiet language. One cannot hear it unless one is very quiet and completely open to hearing anything they might have to say.

“What is the job of a tree they asked?” Then, before I could say a word, the whole plant community started blurting out their answers.

“We shade the plants and animals,” said the tall trees.

“We feed the birds,” said the shrubs.

“Yeah!” Blurted out a young shrub, “and then the birds poop out the seeds of baby trees!”

We all chuckled.

“We hide the rabbits,” said the grasses.

“Yes, and we feed the bees!” roared a crop of dandelion in unison. “So don’t call us weeds!”

Before I continued my walk, they shared much more about the particulars of there “work.” As I walked on and considered all that they had shared, it struck me that their “work” was essentially connected to their “being,” their relationship with each other, and their relationship with the creatures in their community.

I am not even sure it is proper to call it “work” except in the living and natural economy of “energy spend” and” benefit gained.” What I am trying to say is that concepts like ”earning,” “owing,” “paying,” and most especially, “deserving” were simply not part of the language of trees or anyone else in their natural community. The “work” of a tree was perfectly done in simply being a tree and doing tree things.

The concept of their worth being found in anything other than the goodness of their being was baffling to them. What kind of creature would choose to live like that; always having to justify their right to exist by doing things that clearly had nothing to do with the essence of their being? What kind of creature would give up this natural birthright for an artificial system that constantly requires them and others to prove they “deserve” even the most basic things that they need to be and to be in relationship? Who would choose to invent such unnatural and irreverent insanity?

Who indeed?

I had just started my practicum at Pine Grover Recovery Center in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.  I was working as an intern in the Therapeutic Arts Therapy department. It was a team of fun, creative, and caring people and for Valentine’s Day we were raising money for charity by “delivering” singing valentines to the staff.  We worked hard to playfully surprise and embarrass the staff with our bad singing, flowers, and confetti. 

By Noon there was confetti all over the building. I thought about the mess we were making and that if one of us did not clean it up, the custodian would have to do extra work.  I decided to vacuum the floors myself.  I found the vacuum and began cleaning up, perhaps feeling a bit too much pride in being such a great “servant leader”. 

That’s why my encounter with Sheila really ticked me off!

I had finished the hall and I was about to start on the community room when she shouted at me, “Turn that thing off and get out of here right now!”

My pride immediately turned to embarrassment.  I was trying to help but I guessed that I had majorly screwed up.  She was livid. 

I put up the vacuum and walked back to my office.  As I walked, my embarrassment slowly escalated into anger.

“That was so rude and disrespectful of her!  I was just trying to help!” I thought.

I was hoping that someone from the Therapeutic Arts team would come into the office so that I could tell them how rude and disrespectful Sheila had been to me.  Perhaps they would take my side and maybe even share some of their own frustrations with Sheila that might make me feel less alone.  But no one came, and eventually, I began praying about my feelings. 

As I prayed, I remembered something I had learned from my professor in class.  It was about the healing power of direct, non-defensive, communication and the divisive and destructive nature of indirect communication.   She taught us how to frame our concerns in assertive but respectful ways, to resist the natural human temptation to seek allies, and speak “to people” not “about people.”

Still, actually doing this was new for me. I was frightened to talk with Sheila.  I had no clue how she would respond.  What if she escalated the argument?  That would be very uncomfortable?  Still, I wanted to change my way of responding.  So, I resolved to talk to her openly, non-defensively, and respectfully.

Calmly, but with a good bit of nervousness in my voice, I told her that I was angry that she had snapped at me, that I was trying to be helpful, and that I felt dismissed and disrespected.  I also told her that I wanted us to both speak respectfully to each other in the future and I wanted us to have a supportive relationship.

To my surprise, Sheila, apologized for yelling at me and said that she understood my perspective.  She also told me something I did not know.  A few minutes before had I entered the community room and turned on the loud vacuum, a fight had broken out between two clients.  Everyone on the floor was on edge.

I told her that I was sorry that I had added to the tension.  She thanked me and I thanked her.  From that day forward, Sheila and I were friends.  I learned that she actually had a great sense of humor and we laughed a lot with each other over the next few months.  I am glad I tried something new that day.  Instead of making a mess, I made a friend. 

I would like to say that since then I have never triangulated, came at, or overreacted to anyone. I am still learning to recognize rising anxiety in myself, and in others, and respond it in ways that are more healthy.

---

One of the most helpful things for me has been having a supportive group of people who are also genuinely seeking to grow in this same way.  If you believe you might find this kind of group helpful, please let me know.

I initially envisioned this a clergy group. However, a friend suggested I open it up to anyone. So I am. If I have enough clergy we will have a group that is only clergy and another group for those who are not clergy. If we do not have enough for two groups or more we will have a mixed group. Neither group will be theological or doctrinal.

Groups will be no larger than 6 people and will meet in person. We will seek to find a day and time that woks for everyone. Cost is $30 per month. Interested? Email me at: [email protected]

Written by Christine Dietz, Therapist & Spiritual Director

As a child, I was a mystic and a writer. I loved to wander outside, make nests in the tall grass, dream on the big pink granite rock in the field. I wrote poems and stories in school, when I was supposed to be reading about Dick and Sally. The adults in my life seemed to think that a bright child who read the dictionary and wrote poems should be directed toward math and science. I resisted, but my dreamy afternoons on the rock in the field were soon over. So, apparently, was my writing voice. My creative writing efforts in undergraduate school received a lukewarm response, and I changed my major to sociology. My father, a scientist, was pleased.

Fast forward to 2001. Exhausted from my battle for tenure at the University where I taught, I stumbled into the office of an expressive therapist. The years of writing a dissertation and journal articles had taken its toll. I said, “I have lost my creativity and my spirituality.” I didn’t know it then, but my spiritual journey had begun. Two years later, I was training to become a spiritual companion and leaving academia.

This year, I will celebrate my 20^th anniversary as a spiritual companion. My definition of spiritual companionship is, “To walk with others as they become who they were created to be.” As people open themselves to being present, listening to and acting upon the movement, impulses and images of the Divine within them, I notice that they often become more creative. Some turn to writing – stories, essays or poetry. Others to photography or art. Is there an inherent link between creativity and spirituality?

I love the creation stories in Genesis. Genesis 27 says, “And God created humankind in the divine image, creating it in the image of God—creating them male and female.” (The Contemporary Torah, Jewish Publication Society, 2006). According to this story, we are created in the image and likeness of God. We are both the result of and part of the creative force that brought forth all that is. Creativity is our birthright. In her article, “Creativity as Spiritual Practice,” Rabbi Adina Allen describes the creative process as a partnership with the Divine.

“What this relationship requires of us is an openness to the creative process: a willingness to venture into the unknown, the ability to be present in the moment, an openness to our intuition and allowing ourselves to follow where it leads us, and a deep humility in knowing that nothing we bring into the world is ours alone.” (Source: My Jewish Learning).

This is exactly what happens in spiritual companionship.

In 2016, I offered “Wisdom Stories: A Class for Elders in Training,” an exploration of personal autobiography, at the Center. I emphasized that everyone was a writer, free to ignore the “rules” they had learned about how to write and what was “good.” I offered writing prompts, which they were free to ignore, and words of encouragement from Natalie Goldberg, Julia Cameron or Anne Lamott. As listeners, we focused on how their stories touched us, and what spoke to us, without praise or criticism. In 2018, I offered another 8 week class. The group asked for more. I offered another 8 weeks. The group asked for more yet again. And so I said, “let’s try this as a spiritual direction group.”

Seven years later, we continue to meet monthly. I have stopped offering prompts – the writers follow their own interests and instincts. They have stopped trying to follow the “rules,” expressing what is emerging inside them. Their voices are more powerful, authentic and free, as a sense of play, deep grief or a new form emerges. We notice that, when one writer expresses their deep truth it resonates with all of us—we’ve been there, too. And often, we notice a core theme or experience connecting the writings in a particular session. Each time we meet, I feel awe, wonder and gratitude at how this process opens us to the presence of the Divine and our creative expression. And my frozen creativity is beginning to thaw.

Please, if you will, enjoy an example from one of our writers, Ken Rummer, who felt called to share his expression in a piece titled “In the Fog.”

---

Christine Dietz, LISW, DMin, PhD, is a psychotherapist and spiritual companion dedicated to helping individuals reconnect to their innate wholeness and renew their sense of hope and possibility. With over 40 years of experience in hospitals, community mental health, and private practice, she specializes in supporting those navigating anxiety, depression, life transitions, chronic illness, grief, LGBTQ+ concerns, and spiritual direction. Christine is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and spiritual director with an MSW from the University of Iowa, a PhD in Sociology from SUNY Buffalo, and a DMin from the Graduate Theological Foundation. She is also a graduate of the Lev Shomea Training Program for Spiritual Direction in the Jewish Tradition. Passionate about storytelling, Christine is a writer, avid reader, and amateur photographer with a deep interest in spirituality, particularly Jewish spirituality. She enjoys teaching adult education at her synagogue and currently works part-time at Mind and Spirit Counseling Center, offering telehealth services to individuals from all faiths and spiritual traditions, as well as those with none.

Written by Paul Witmer, Co-Director of PrairieFire

“Sometimes the best map will not guide you

You can’t see what’s ’round the bend

Sometimes the road leads through dark places

Sometimes the darkness is your friend”

                                             Bruce Cockburn, Pacing the Cage

As we make our way through these darkened days of the Winter Solstice, I find myself contemplating anew the Dark Night of the Soul.  In addition to being a spiritual classic in the Christian contemplative tradition, written by St. John of the Cross, it can also describe a part of the spiritual journey for modern mystics.  So, I thought I’d share some thoughts about the Dark Night, and how Spiritual Direction can be a great tool for navigating what many have experienced as desolation, desperation and the perceived abandonment of God.

First, some clarifying remarks about the Dark Night of the Soul, and what we understand in modern psychology as Clinical Depression.  They are not the same.  We sometimes throw around the phrase “Dark Night of the Soul” to describe a period of depression or long bouts of melancholy.  It can be both, but it’s important to recognize that the spiritual journey that includes a sojourn through the Dark Night is not the same experience as clinical depression.  A Spiritual Director with good training and awareness can help distinguish the difference, and hopefully refer you for mental health counseling, treatment and the proper care of a physician if indeed it is clinical depression you are experiencing.  AND, that same Spiritual Director, with awareness and compassion, may sense that the Dark Night you are navigating is more of a spiritual experience to be explored, rather than a mental health condition to be medicated or otherwise treated.

It’s also important to recognize that therapeutic counseling and treatment can work in tandem with Spiritual Direction.  These are good conversations for you to be having with all the providers involved in your care.

So, what is the Dark Night of the Soul in the spiritual tradition?  Great mystics in the Christian Contemplative tradition have explored darkness in the spiritual journey.  In particular, the Spanish Mystics, St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avilla (15^th century contemporaries and Spiritual Directors) are known for their work with what they called la noche oscura.  Gerald May, M.D. has a great work, The Dark Night of the Soul: A Psychiatrist Explores the Connection Between Darkness and Spiritual Growth. (2004, HarperCollins). Here’s May on that very connection:

When we speak of darkness today, we are often referring to something sinister, as in “powers of darkness” or the “Dark side.”  As I’ve said before, this is not what Teresa and John mean when they used the Spanish word for dark, oscura. For them, it simply means “obscure.”  In the same way that things are difficult to see at night, the deepest relationship between God and person Is hidden from our conscious awareness.

In speaking of la noche oscura, the dark night of the soul, John is addressing something mysterious and unknown, but by no means sinister or evil.  It is instead profoundly sacred and precious beyond all imagining.  John says the dark night of the soul is “happy,” “glad,” “guiding,” and full of “absolute grace.” It is the secret way in which God not only liberates us from our attachments and idolatries, but also brings us to the realization of our true nature. The night is the means by which we find our heart’s desire, our freedom for love. (May, p. 67)

The work of Spiritual Direction is an invitation to go deeper, and with the Dark Night, the invitation is to go deeper into darkness—not sinister or evil, but obscure, unknown, unseen—and I might add unfelt.  I doubt Bruce Cockburn is singing about the spiritual experience of the dark night, but his words sure ring true for me: “Sometimes the best map will not guide you/ You can’t see what’s ’round the bend.”  Where the best maps might fail you, a companion who’s been on the path before can be a life-saving presence and guide. And, to take this particular metaphor one step further, we might say that a Spiritual Director can share the tools of your tradition that can serve as a compass.  So, map or no map, you might never lose contact with True North. (Though sometimes, even the sense of True North can be fleeting in the darkness.)

This path of obscurity can be a place of great learning and insight.  It’s also no damn fun at all.  Just in case I’ve romanticized the idea too much, this is important to name. It can be a place of desolation, desperation and abandonment. But it is often at the end of our rope that we find the capacity for deep trust and a willingness to let go into the goodness of God. It may be that the rope we’ve been clinging on to so desperately is nothing more than half truths and idols—things that are not God.  Thus, May describes this process as one of moving into freedom.

My own journey has included serious struggles with clinical depression that were appropriately treated with counseling and medication, for which I’m grateful.  And, there were literal long nights of insomnia and fitful solitude that were calling me into a place of deep spiritual exploration, so Spiritual Direction was a lifeline that helped me navigate the unknown path ahead for me.  I remember leaning heavily into the companionship of the Psalmists who I felt had walked this desolate road before me.  “Tears have been my bread all night long,” (Ps. 42) and “In the night, my heart also instructs me.” (Ps. 16)

Somewhere along the way of obscurity was the painful but necessary realization that my ideas about God, and even my deeply felt experiences of God were not God.  This is a hard place to be and not a good place to be alone.  So, the gift of Spiritual Direction and a companion by my side was the supportive presence that made possible my growth into freedom.  Sometimes the road leads through dark places/Sometimes the darkness is your friend”  And sometimes, a friend of a friend can hold your hand along the way.

---

Paul Witmer, Co-Director of PrairieFire, is ordained in the United Church of Christ. Paul has served as a pastor for more than 30 years in rural and suburban settings, including a new church start in the 90s here in Iowa. He has extensive experience teaching contemplative practices, leading retreats, and working with folks in twelve-step recovery.

A trained Spiritual Director, Paul also works with many in developing deep listening skills and growing on the spiritual journey, which has included many years of teaching and leading with the PrairieFire program. As an artist and musician, Paul is especially drawn to the arts as creative expression and experience of the Divine.

Paul currently serves as the lead pastor for Women at the Well, a prison congregation of the United Methodist Church at the Iowa women’s prison in Mitchellville, Iowa. Paul is a graduate of Southwestern University (Georgetown, TX) and Eden Seminary (St. Louis, MO). He resides with his wife in Urbandale, and between them they have five grown children and four grandchildren.