Billie’s Blog: A World of Social Acceptance

Billie Wade on September 19, 2025

Social acceptance is open, trusting, deep, and positive regard for others. We recognize everyone’s right to a life of dignity, regardless of skin color and other demographic markers. We learn how the sharing of resources, whether financial, creative, or intellectual, enhances life for everyone, as all receive equal opportunities for expression and participation. Social acceptance tells us to honor the desires of all people to live as fully as possible.

Acceptance does not equal agreement. I may disagree with someone while accepting the person for who she or he is. I have a close friend whose political views differ from mine. When we tackle issues, recognizing that many are volatile, we do so without political rhetoric. We discuss the issue at hand without accusations and finger-pointing. Acceptance doesn’t aim to discount who we are, but to honor everyone as equal, viable, and valuable.

I attended graduate school with a delightful woman who used a wheelchair and who had several obvious physical disabilities. Despite her cheerful disposition, some classmates avoided her or ignored her, which was ironic and unfortunate as the program prepared us to work with people who have disabilities. Students who engaged with her from the outset served as powerful peer examples of what was possible. They showed curiosity, openness, and compassion, which opened a door through which the rest of the class could venture. By the end of the semester, most classmates had grown to accept her intelligence and her contagious, effervescent attitude. The process took time and repeated exposure to her. The overall environment of the class supported the healthy formation of relationships for all students. Interaction and relationships change people’s minds.

Many white people fear that acceptance of minorities threatens what they see as a delicate and precarious status quo of privilege and power. That is far from the intention of acceptance. Social acceptance levels the field of opportunity for everyone. Black people and other marginalized people then have equal chances to reap the benefits that white people take for granted in a thriving society. We are no longer bystanders watching a world that profits from us but denies us access to the rewards that come with privilege. Promoting the welfare of disadvantaged people promotes the welfare of privileged people as well. Privilege under our Constitution is a right intended for everyone. There are more than enough resources for all.

Acceptance is a choice that one arrives at through introspection. It is an opportunity to ask: How can I look at this differently? White people have the responsibility to look at the subtleties and nuances of policies and practices and ask tough questions: (1) Am I exempt from this ruling because I am white?; (2) How does this policy affect Black people and other people of color?; (3) If I build a highway or mall through this neighborhood and displace the residents, how will it affect the existing community and how will that affect me?; (4) Are my decisions humane?; (5) How would I feel if I or a loved one were subjected to this?

White people must begin with admitting the pain and damage their privilege and power have brought into the lives of non-white citizens. They can look honestly at their environment and the world they have created and acknowledge the innumerable privileges they enjoy solely because of the color of their skin and how other people are denied those privileges. They can look at hurtful systemic factors such as the construction of roads through Black neighborhoods, the building of exclusive communities, and the allotment of services. Whenever white people receive a privilege because of the color of their skin, people of color receive an injustice. The challenge is to bring the inequities of white privilege to the attention of white people who care, so they are not blind to it and then, hopefully, have enough empathy to make changes. Transformation begins with white people reaching out to Black people and other people of color with sincerity, honestly and openly admitting the inequities, and offering actual solutions.

While the fundamental change is largely the responsibility of white people, non-white people also have a challenge. We must continue to tell our stories in the news, books, magazines, and on social media. We must continue to speak out about injustices and be willing to risk hearing innumerable times that we are overreacting, that times have changed, or that we need to stop whining. Improving race relations is everyone’s job.

We all have a role to play in the furthering of freedom, inclusion, and equality for all people. We can:

  • investigate our fears and prejudices.
  • ask ourselves whether our opinions and beliefs are in line with our values.
  • take classes and workshops that aim to help us transform our opinions and beliefs about others.
  • read books that address issues of race relations and white privilege.
  • approach people different from us with an attitude of curiosity and genuine interest.

We are all challenged to look beyond gender, age, disability, and the people who don’t fit our definition of valuable and viable. Change begins on the ground with honesty and sharing, rippling out from one person to another. We must all be willing to be vulnerable and receptive by having the courage to seek people different from us and build relationships.

Previously published on Escape Into Life:

Life’s Matters: A World of Social Acceptance

June 25, 2018

Billie Wade, guest blog writer for Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Billie Wade is a gregarious introvert whose primary interests are writing, lifelong learning, personal development, and how we all are affected by life’s vagaries.

Issues facing Black people, women, the LGBTQ community, and aging adults are of particular concern to her. She enjoys open-hearted dialogue with diverse people. The opinions expressed here are her own.

Billie’s Blog: Independent or Emancipated?

Billie Wade on July 11, 2025

Fifteen days separate June 19th from July 4th on the calendar. The significant events of these two dates, July 4, 1776, and June 19, 1865, took place eighty-eight years, eleven months, and fifteen days apart. July 4th was hailed as Independence Day. June 19th was dubbed Emancipation Day, also known as Juneteenth. The two terms are separate, and they are not equal. On Independence Day, the United States of America extricated itself from the rule of Great Britain and became a sovereignty in its own right. All thirteen colonies signed the Declaration of Independence. Conversely, the Emancipation Proclamation was an Executive Order signed by President Abraham Lincoln. The document freed only those slaves held in Union states, making those men eligible to fight in the Civil War. The Proclamation, delivered to Galveston, Texas, over two and a half years after its signing on January 1, 1863, was as much a war and political strategy rather than a strategy for slave freedom.

While the two documents functioned differently, there were similarities in form: The signers of both were wealthy white men who owned land, livestock, crops, and people whom they regarded as chattel property, livestock, and currency. The Emancipation Proclamation did not consider any input from the enslaved people the document stated it freed. According to Public Broadcasting System (PBS): The Emancipation Proclamation did not free all slaves in the United States. Rather, it declared free only those slaves living in states not under Union control. William Seward, Lincoln’s secretary of state, commented, “We show our sympathy with slavery by emancipating slaves where we cannot reach them and holding them in bondage where we can set them free.” Lincoln was fully aware of the irony, but he did not want to antagonize the slave states loyal to the Union by setting their slaves free.

The proclamation allowed black soldiers to fight for the Union — soldiers that were desperately needed. It also tied the issue of slavery directly to the war.

The Declaration of Independence does not seem to be a declaration of absolute freedom, just freedom from chattel slavery. Enslaved men were released by their holders without financial resources, property, formal education, or vocational training. Then, they were trained in the violence of warfare, Abraham Lincoln’s warfare. We have no immediate information about the freedwomen and children, some of whom had formed family units with the men. Once again, Black families were torn asunder in the name of the whims of wealthy white men. Also, while disentangling Black people from the horrors of slavery, the Emancipation Proclamation fanned the flames of anger, hatred, and fear of white people, especially those who were forced to release their slaves.

Two-hundred-forty-nine-years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the United States of America remains a sovereign country. One-hundred-sixty-years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, African American Descendents of Slaves still are not free. You see, emancipation does not follow a natural trajectory to independence, then to freedom. America is free to decide in the country’s best interests. Black people do not have, and have never had, that freedom. Everything about our lives is dictated to us—where we live, where we worship, what jobs we hold, what our income should be, the education we receive, etc.

July 4th is rightfully celebrated as a day of joy. People hold parades, wave flags, host neighborhood picnics, and shoot firework displays. June 19th, also known as Juneteenth, is an equally rightful day of celebration. The holiday is a day of remembrance of the experiences and sacrifices of our forebears, and our resilience, and our tenacity as a people to never let go of the dream of possibility in our hearts, despite daunting obstacles that remain in our paths, and new ones that pop up daily.

Freedom is not a one-day, one-time proposition. You cannot make a bowl of potato salad and be done until next year. What are you doing every day to nurture your freedom and the freedom of others? Do you fear the freedom of others will harm your freedom or the freedom of people you love? What are your fears about what will happen if someone different from you moves into your neighborhood or joins your family or religious community? Think about other fears you may have about people different from you. How can you bridge the chasm between you and “othered” people and begin to communicate? Perhaps you could start by inviting them over to share a bowl of your award-winning potato salad.

Billie Wade, guest blog writer for Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Billie Wade is a gregarious introvert whose primary interests are writing, lifelong learning, personal development, and how we all are affected by life’s vagaries.

Issues facing Black people, women, the LGBTQ community, and aging adults are of particular concern to her. She enjoys open-hearted dialogue with diverse people. The opinions expressed here are her own.

Billie’s Blog: The Antiracism Book Club Explained

Billie Wade on March 17, 2025

You may have considered joining the Center’s Antiracism Book Group announced in the newsletter, but you have some questions and do not know whom to ask. May this month’s post be useful.

According to Statista, in 2020, of the 1,020 people killed by police officers, 243 were Black. These numbers included Breonna Taylor, murdered on March 13 in Louisville, Kentucky, and George Floyd, murdered on May 25 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. These headliners led Terri Mork Speirs, then the Center’s Director of Community Relations, to post a statement of solidarity with the Black Community on the Center’s homepage of the website.

Speirs also set out to form an antiracism book club within the Center, which she and I planned and co-facilitated. The intention and focus of the Group were, and remain, to learn about the relationships between Black people and white people and act when and where possible to mitigate harm. The Antiracism Learning Group debuted on Monday, July 13, 2020, with discussion of How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. Since then, we have become the Antiracism Book Group and have discussed sixteen books. When Terri pursued new opportunities in the fall of 2021, I took on the role of full facilitator.

The Group is free, however, each member gets the book on their own. Books are most often available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Thriftbooks, and local bookstores, and public libraries, both of which I recommend and support. Although I select the books we discuss, members suggest most of our reading. The Group has explored many topics, from Black history to white privilege and much more.

I divide the books into five sections, and we meet five consecutive Mondays, 6 p.m.-7:30 p.m. Central Time on Zoom. I alternate the sessions between fiction and nonfiction books. There is a two-Monday break between each book, and we do not meet in the months of November and December.

To be added to the email list and join the group, email your name and phone number to me at the email address in the newsletter with the subject line, “Antiracism Book Group.” If you use a device other than a computer, and sign in using your phone number, I must be able to identify you. I will add you to the list. You will then receive all communications, and for security purposes, only those on the email list receive the access link. People who get the link from someone other than me are not permitted entrance. For privacy, all communications are emailed using blind carbon. Opt-out is easy too—just notify me by email and I will remove your information. Otherwise, you remain on the list even if you never attend a discussion. For a myriad of reasons, unique to everyone, some people like to follow the Group as we move through the books.

Confidentiality within the Group is essential. From the Group’s inception, we intended people to express their heart in this brave space. Our discussion is popcorn style, and everyone is encouraged to speak openly.

A highlight of the Group came on Monday, May 23, 2022. The week before, we wrapped up our discussion of These Walls Between Us, co-authored by Wendy Sandford (white) and Mary Norman (Black). “In the mid-1950s, a fifteen-year-old African American teenager named Mary White (now Mary Norman) traveled north from Virginia to work for twelve-year-old Wendy Sanford’s family as a live-in domestic for their summer vacation by a remote New England beach” (Amazon). Over the years, the two formed a lasting friendship. To the delight of the Group, Mary and Wendy joined us for a special one-hour interview and Q and A session. The women talked candidly about their relationship and the difficulties that defined how their friendship blossomed.

Black people often are asked why we need to keep alive the tough conversations about race relations. In 2024, police officers shot and killed 1,173 civilians, 248 of whom were Black. With the current efforts to erase Black history, downplay the horrors of slavery, and the continued existence of health and healthcare disparities, and educational and employment inequities, it is incumbent upon everyone to educate and empower themselves and others, so right actions can be taken. These imbalances and many more are fueled by fear and hatred, both of which are unacceptable. People are getting hurt. People are dying. People are rising. Learn all you can, then act. Become one who is rising.

Billie Wade, guest blog writer for Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Billie Wade is a gregarious introvert whose primary interests are writing, lifelong learning, personal development, and how we all are affected by life’s vagaries.

Issues facing Black people, women, the LGBTQ community, and aging adults are of particular concern to her. She enjoys open-hearted dialogue with diverse people. The opinions expressed here are her own.

Executive Director’s Blog: Black History Month

Jim Hayes on February 19, 2024

Jim Hayes, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center
Jim Hayes, Executive Director

I recently attended an event celebrating Black History Month, and one of the organizers concluded with the admonishment: “Every month is black history month.”

It got me thinking. Thinking often leads me to internet research, where I explored the history of “Black History Month” a bit further.

As I continued chasing new thoughts and insights, I noticed a theme each year during these February celebrations. Here’s the theme for 2024:

Since 1976, every American president has designated February as Black History Month and endorsed a specific theme.

The Black History Month 2024 theme, “African Americans and the Arts,” explores the key influence African Americans have had in the fields of “visual and performing arts, literature, fashion, folklore, language, film, music, architecture, culinary and other forms of cultural expression.”

Which brings me back to the event I attended at the Varsity Cinema. An artistic celebration of a documentary film directed by Craig Farley, Jr.: Through the Lens: Black Visionaries on Mental Wellness. The project was born of a cohort of the African American Leadership Academy, sponsored by The Directors Council. If you don’t know their work, it’s worth a visit.

The Directors Council, in their own words:

As a coalition of leaders, The Directors Council seeks to improve the conditions of the individuals in the neighborhoods we serve. We pool our collective expertise to develop programs and launch unique initiatives that meet unaddressed needs. 

How does all this relate to our work at the Center? Some of the visionaries highlighted in this project include Kayla Bell-Consolver and Breanne Ward. Kayla led us in some training around the effects of racism and generational trauma a couple of years back. It gave our therapists numerous insights about how to address such issues for clients therapeutically. Breanne has served on our board and continues to inspire us on how we might best serve our community, particularly if we want to be a welcoming place for communities of color.

The documentary struck me in many ways. What does mental wellness mean, given the diversity of definitions based on our communities of origin? How does stigma affect diverse communities? What are the resources for mental wellness beyond professional therapy? What is the role each of us offers when it comes to the well-being of others?

Lots to ponder—and the documentary was only 38 minutes!

One of our strategic objectives at the Center is that the demographics of the people we serve match the demographics of Central Iowa. We stand with The Directors Council, looking to explore and develop programs that meet unaddressed needs. To do this, we need to focus on hospitality and being present to our community to be a trusted resource for the many communities represented in our neighborhoods

It’s nice to have a reminder in February of the many contributions made by the African American community to improve mental health and wellness. As a wise person told me recently, such acknowledgment isn’t just for one month, but every month.

Be well,
Jim

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion at the Center

Kelsey Davis on January 16, 2023

As we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. this month, the Center would like to reiterate our ongoing commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion with the announcement of our diversity statement, adopted by our Board of Directors:

“The Mind and Spirit Counseling Center is committed to creating a diverse and inclusive community for our clients and employees. We recognize that diversity and inclusion of age, gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, religion and disabilities will enhance our ability to honor our core values of equity, respect, compassion, and creating accessibility to high-quality services for all.”

Beyond a formal statement, the Center also has an active Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) Committee that was formed in the summer of 2020. Soon after the formation, trainings and other goals were set up to help staff, the Center and the community grow, learn and be more inclusive. The committee quickly broadened their goal to include other types of diversity in addition to race.

Doug Detrick, a Licensed Independent Social Worker at the Center, currently heads our DEI Committee. In his own words, he explains why DEI work is important and the action steps the committee has taken so far:

Since the DEI Committee was formed, the Committee and the Center have accomplished a lot, but the work is not finished. As a social worker, I feel naturally drawn to issues involving diversity, equity and inclusion, as well as social and economic justice. I have participated in various ways to promote them. I got into social work due to things I went through in my early life and how they profoundly affected my view on helping others. I just finished putting together a class on Moral Injury and it allowed me to, again, reflect on what I felt growing up as a mixed-race individual in a predominantly white, south side of Des Moines in the 1960s.

I cannot comment on what it was like to grow up in that environment as a person of color, as someone with a physical or mental disability, or as an LGBTQ+ individual as my features are Caucasian, Non-Hispanic. However, looking back, I remember feeling shame and fear about what if someone finds out about me or my family. I remember feeling fear of speaking out if I saw a person being mistreated because of color, disability, sexual orientation, or hearing a racial slur or joke and feeling angry at myself that I did not have the strength to stand up to them or it.

Looking back now, I can see that I suffered moral injury. I have worked hard on myself to heal this wound, but so many others have been grievously injured in this way or more severely with PTSD from everything they have endured throughout their lives.

Part of the work the DEI Committee has done is promoting the staff to read “My Grandmother’s Hands” by Resmaa Menakem, a book about healing racial trauma and healing our society. The book’s self-help exercises and group discussion were extremely therapeutic to me, and I am thankful that it was brought into my life.

I joined the Center at the beginning of the pandemic in April 2020. When the group was being formed, I was just getting to know my co-workers through Zoom meetings. I felt a calling to participate in the group to do my part to promote diversity and equity as part of the Center’s mission and felt the caring and commitment from others to make it happen. As the group formed and solidified, we were able to come up with initiatives that we felt were impactful and continue to work in this direction.

Around this time Billie Wade, MS, a volunteer of the Center, started a book club to read and discuss significant books on equity and diversity that some of us participated in and benefited from the readings and discussions.

 During our early meetings we came up with the following initiatives on 9/21/2020:

  • Establish a book club and review the books and magazines offered within the Center’s waiting rooms.
  • Recognize Juneteenth
  • Evaluate our space to explore how we might be more hospitable to diverse cultures
  • Increase diversity at all levels: clients, board and staff
  • Improve how we obtain demographic data so that we can better understand the diversity of our clients.
  • Review handbooks and bylaws. Edit forms, policies and practices that impact DENI
  • Offer regular training for board and staff. Continue consultation with Nate Harris to inform our future curriculum for trainings
  • Establish a joint committee of board and staff to align objectives with strategy and time-specific improvements in order to embed positive ongoing change in our culture
  • Standing agenda items to reflect on how DENI was part of our conversation during meetings
  • Diminish geographic limitations of the Center’s Urbandale location
  • Make DENI part of current branding study
  • Participate in United Way 21-day challenge
  • Use the equity tool
  • Obtain further trainings from our accrediting agency, the Solihten Institute
  • Reserve time for staff to watch the “American Son” together and discuss their reactions
  • Promote staff to watch Therapy Wisdom: https://therapywisdom.ontralink.com/c/s/CxU/6Aun/v/vv/6nc/6onSHd/vMHOyedHJs/P/P/6W
  • Informational interview within our own networks and bring back the o group for discussion and growth
  • Invite Innovative Counseling to discuss each Center’s work
  • Include diversity discussion at June staff meeting

Many of the items listed above have been completed or are still a work in progress. I believe the DEI Committee has made positive strides to promote diversity and equity at the Center, but we still have a lot of work to do. The Center’s staff and Board of Directors continue to strive to achieve significant goals through the work of all the caring people involved. Our goal is to find funding to bring in speakers for the Center and the community, such as Resmaa Menakem, author of “My Grandmother’s Hands,” or other noted diversity and equity speakers. We promote and encourage staff, board members and members of the community to bring us ideas on how the Center can improve in areas surrounding diversity and equity.

    House File 802: If we don’t talk about injustice, all is right with the world

    Terri Speirs on August 10, 2021

    House File 802: If we don’t talk about injustice, all is right with the world

    Interview with Billie Wade, Guest Writer and PrairieFire graduate

    Interviewed by Terri Mork Speirs, Director of Community Relations

    Billie Wade, Guest Writer and PrairieFire graduate

    August 2021 — This month we offer a different format to Billie’s blog. We have interviewed Billie to dig deeper into some of the concerns and opportunities on the topic of racism. 

    Terri: Hi Billie! To help our readers understand our relationship, I want to start by sharing that you and I have known each other for over ten years. We first met at a networking event, following our unfortunate experiences with job-loss in the 2009 recession. Fast forward to 2020 and the renewed awakening to the horrific realities of systematic racism. You have served as a teacher to me and many of us who want to learn how to be an anti-racist. (More on that later in the interview.) Can you tell us about Iowa House File 802?

    Billie Wade: Hi Terri! I am glad to share my perspective of Iowa House File 802, signed into law on June 8, 2021, by the governor. The Act steps toward eliminating discussions about racism, diversity, and inclusion, beginning with government agencies and public institutions of education. Dialogue about how Black people continue to be subjected to systemic—also known as systematic—denial of human rights is now illegal. The law specifically prohibits some fundamental rights of free speech.

    Terri: This law seems to make illegal exactly what you and I have been doing: discussing racism past and present, and seeking to understand how it works. Is this law unique to Iowa?

    Billie Wade: Iowa is part of a trend of state legislatures across the United States that are enacting laws to eliminate discussions addressing continued racist tyranny. Talks of inequitable treatment of certain groups of people—usually Black people and people of color—can no longer be presented if such training is classified as “mandatory.”

    However, the Sec 2. NEW SECTION. 261H.7 of the law also specifically outlines prohibited topics.

    Terri: I don’t understand how this law will help our community grow.

    Billie Wade: We cannot create change if we cannot speak, teach, and learn the truth. We are severely restrained in our ability to do so just as the law is designed. Students at all levels, K-University graduate, are placed in a bubble in which they learn only what others want them to know, a very dangerous move.

    Terri: In my own journey of racial reckoning, I’ve evolved. I used to think that I was a good person because I myself believed all races were equal. In my mind, I treated everyone the same. I’ve come to learn that racism is much more complicated. That racism is not just about me – it’s about deeply intertwined systems built on centuries of policies. How do you define racism?

    Billie Wade: In my February 2021 column for the Center, An invitation to sit with your discomfort, allow it to speak to you, I define racism as “a system consisting of rules, laws, policies, and practices designed to disenfranchise nonwhite people. The organism systematically perpetuates the unfounded belief that Black people are inferior and, therefore, suitable for subjugation and exploitation.” Because racism is a system the tenets create self-defined—systemic or systematic—situations. A few examples:

    • laws that make voting more difficult for Black neighborhoods by closing convenient polling locations and restricting voting hours;
    • résumés not considered because the applicant’s name sounds “ethnic,”
    • a White illicit drug dealer sentenced to five years in prison for possession of five hundred grams of powder cocaine while a Black illicit drug dealer is sentenced to five years for five grams of crack cocaine.

    Terri: It’s like peeling an onion – the more you learn, the more there is. For example, recently I became aware of the “remember the Alamo” myth. I grew up believing the Alamo story was about freedom. Now I’m learning it was about preserving slavery. If learning actual history, backed up by research and facts, is the kind of education that House File 802 prohibits, that is concerning.

    Billie Wade: Exposure by the stark light of the truth is our greatest weapon, of which the lawmakers are quite aware. They can no longer say, “I didn’t do it,” or “I didn’t know about it, so I’m not culpable.” These statements are excuses of self-exoneration and self-permission to continue reigns of unfounded persecution. HF 802, Section 2. 261H.7 specifically lists under “Race and sex stereotyping—training by institution prohibited” concepts that cannot be discussed. Black people have been subjected to “scapegoating,” “stereotyping,” and “Specific defined concepts” since our ancestors were brought to this country for slavery. Now, when White people, as a “collective” are called out for racist behaviors, there is a law prohibiting such. Black people cannot bring to the awareness of others the injustices and disparities of our daily existence. We cannot identify patterns of discrimination or seek reparations for injustices of the past that perpetuate today. We cannot protest denial of the only thing we have ever requested—Equal Opportunity.

    Every generation is overwhelmed anew. We are called upon to pull from deep within to mobilize our individual resources—however meager we believe them to be—and to galvanize with the strengths of others. Our hope lies in synergy. We refuse to go away. We refuse to be cowed. We refuse to be eradicated. We have to keep going. We have to.

    Terri: You already know this, but for the purposes of our readers I would like to mention that I am a bit self-conscious of placing you in a position of “my personal racism teacher.” I know that White people need to do their own learning and not rely on one individual to represent the entire Black experience. For me, I’ve learned much about racism through books, television and movies. (Happy to make recommendations.) I also count myself as one of the lucky ones who get to learn from you directly. You have said that you feel called to share your perspective.

    What is your advice to White people who want to learn more?

    Billie Wade: Learn all you can about racism in whatever way you can. Terri, the sources you mentioned are excellent. Genuine sensitivity and compassion are our only hope. We all must look to each other for the hard questions and for the hard answers. Because institutions are powered by people, people at the macro level must power the change. A difficult task at best, the onus is on each of us to consciously step into the discomfort of self-examination. We cannot change what we do not know. We cannot unknow what is brought into our awareness. When we are called out about a painful misstep, we can seek to recognize the feelings of the person we have hurt and reach out with sensitivity and compassion. We also can ask the person to listen to our story to resolve conflict. Reciprocation is key. An important question to get started is: “How can I see this differently?” We are then positioned to move forward.

    Terri, thank you for your time and willingness to discuss a tough subject. You are paving the path for others on this interdependent journey in which we find ourselves. With joy, gratitude, and peace to everyone.

    Terri: Thank you, Billie. I love how you say we are on an “interdependent journey.”  I’m grateful to be on this path together with you and so many others.

     

    For more posts from Billie’s blog: www.dmpcc.org/Billie

    Billie’s blog: June 2021

    Terri Speirs on June 14, 2021

    Juneteenth – How Black People Celebrate Freedom

    by Billie Wade, guest blogger

    June 2021 – Juneteenth, June 19, is a joyous day for Black Americans for it ended slavery in the United States. On this day in 1865—more than two and a half years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation—General Gordon Granger read to enslaved people in Galveston, Texas “General Order No. 3.” The words of the order declared: “The people of Texas are informed that in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free.” This simple statement freed 250,000 slaves. The Declaration of Independence dated July 4, 1776, and signed August 2, 1776, did not declare freedom for what would multiply to almost 700,000 slaves in 1790.

    Newly freed slaves immediately celebrated. On June 19, 1866, freedmen in Texas organized the first formal celebration, then called “Jubilee Day.” Over the years, Juneteenth celebrations have included music, barbecues, prayer services, parades, and other activities. Juneteenth spread to other regions of the country as Black people moved from Texas.

    Juneteenth, thought to be the oldest African American holiday, is the melding of “June” and “nineteenth.” In 1979, Texas became the first state to decree Juneteenth an official holiday. Today, 47 states recognize Juneteenth as a state holiday, while efforts to make it a national holiday have so far stalled in Congress.

    The Emancipation Proclamation signed January 1, 1863, which provided in part, “shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free,” freed only those slaves in Confederate States. When Northern forces marched into the South, numerous slaves fled to safety behind Union lines. Despite the order, some slaveowners suppressed the news until harvesting was done. On December 6, 1865, with ratification of the 13th Amendment, the institution of slavery in the United States was officially abolished.

    President Abraham Lincoln had signed the Emancipation Proclamation with some trepidation. He believed Black men should have the right to improve their lives and enjoy the rewards of their endeavors which equaled them to White men. However, he opposed absolute equality. In a September 18, 1858, debate with U. S. Senate opponent Stephen Douglas, he admitted that he was not nor ever had been in favor of social and political equality for Black and White people.

    Mr. Lincoln went on to say he was against Black people having the right to vote, to sit on juries, to hold public office, and to marry White people. His biggest hurdle, though, was the endorsement of slavery by the U. S. Constitution which included clauses governing fugitive slaves and the clause defining slaves as three-fifths human. At one time, Lincoln considered removing Black people from the country and colonizing them in various locations in Africa which angered Black leaders and advocates. He said because of the racial differences and the hostilities of White people toward Black people it would be better if the races were separated. Little has changed in the past 156 years. When White people become uncomfortable, Black people must go away in all the many forms that happens in this country.

    Although limited, the Emancipation Proclamation indicated a critical change in Lincoln’s mindset regarding slavery and the Civil War. Approximately 200,000 Black men served the Union Army and Navy landing a deadly strike against slavery and opening the door for abolition declared by the 13th Amendment.

    Important dates in Iowa:

    On March 22, 2021, the City of Des Moines announced Juneteenth is now an official City holiday. City offices and buildings will be closed on June 19 or the adjacent weekday to the date. Scott Sanders, City manager stated. “We hope by commemorating this date, we can better illustrate the significance of Juneteenth and generate greater recognition throughout our community and the state.”

    June 19, 2015, Iowa Public Television, known as Iowa PBS as of January 1, 2020, presented “2015 Juneteenth Jamboree” produced by PBS station KRLU of Austin, Texas which included mention of the Iowa Juneteenth Observance.

    On February 26, 2015, the Iowa House of Representatives adopted House Resolution 11(HR11) which stated, in part, “Be it resolved by the House of Representatives, that the House of Representatives acknowledges the 25th Anniversary of the Iowa Juneteenth Observance and recognizes the significant role of the Iowa Juneteenth Observance in serving as cultural and historical asset to Iowa’s citizens.”

    On February 23, 2015, the Iowa Juneteenth Observance transferred to the Iowa State Historical Society (Iowa Department of Cultural Affairs) articles to be included in permanent museum collection records. They are used to strengthen the Juneteenth exhibit in the State Historical Museum of Iowa.

    On April 11, 2002, former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, currently serving as the United States Secretary of Agriculture, signed into law the official observance of Juneteenth on the third Saturday in June.

    Information for this year’s Juneteenth Observance is highlighted by DSM USA of the Greater Des Moines Partnership.

    Enjoy.

    For more blog posts from Billie Wade: www.dmpcc.org/Billie

    Billie’s blog: February 2021

    Terri Speirs on February 10, 2021

    An invitation to sit with your discomfort, allow it to speak to you

    Billie Wade, writer

    by Billie Wade, PrairieFire graduate

    February 2021 – This post heralds a new dawn: addressing the cold, hard reality of racism. I use the term “dawn” to signify the raw truth that for over four hundred years, we remain at the gate of facing and reckoning with racism. Racism, fueled by hate, greed, and fear, is firmly entrenched in our country’s DNA like the pink stain in a plastic refrigerator dish after the spaghetti sauce is removed. We begin where we are, which is always a new place even if we have had a similar experience in the past. Our feelings are cumulative. It is how wisdom is earned.

    Since July 2017, I have enjoyed the honor and privilege to share with you a variety of topics and my experience and perspective. As a Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center client for many years, I feel the mission, vision, and values in the environment every time I enter the doors. Now with our interactions on Zoom, those tenets continue to shine through. The Center seeks to understand the clients they serve, and to reach out to underserved demographics. With that said, I now turn my focus to the insidious organism of racism and the trauma of intergenerational Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that remains alive and thriving in 2021.

    On May 30, 2020, in response to the brutal, flaunting murder of George Floyd and the attack that murdered Breonna Taylor, the Center put voice to their compassion and solidarity with the Black community. The antiracism statement on the landing page of the website announced formation of the Antiracism Learning Group*. I am delighted and humbled to cofacilitate the group with Terri Speirs, the Center’s director of community relations.

    I will use several terms often in my writing. My working definitions are:

    • Racism—a system consisting of rules, laws, policies, and practices designed to disenfranchise nonwhite people. The organism systematically perpetuates the unfounded belief that Black people are inferior and, therefore, suitable for subjugation and exploitation.
    • “I, we, and Black people”—descendants of slaves brought to this country in 1619.
    • “White people”—the collective of members of the privileged race in the United States.
    • White privilege—perks given to White people because of the color of their skin.
    • Appropriation—the use by one culture of the accoutrements of another culture, particularly while forbidding the appropriated culture to enjoy those accoutrements.

    Racism began when White people laid eyes on native Africans and deemed them nonhuman. They kidnapped the people and brought them to this country stripped of everything—clothing, dignity, rituals, language, spirituality, family, friends, culture, all human rights—in chains stacked like ears of corn in the holds of cargo ships. Those who died were unceremoniously thrown overboard. Upon arrival in America, families were separated, never to see each other again.

    Black people face a plethora of stressors every minute of every day. We are hated, hunted, and profiled. We live in a country where Black and Brown bodies are killed on suspicion of criminality by walking on a street with our hands in our pockets. Where a “routine” traffic stop may end our life. Where laws and policies directed at oppressing us are enacted without our knowledge and input. Policies and laws enacted to support and liberate Black people are swiftly met with counter laws that cancel out the advancement. Case in point: The so-called “war on drugs” is a war on Black people. The drug war is waged only in Black communities. The shop owner called police because he suspected George Floyd may have been attempting to pass a counterfeit $20.00 bill. Why did the situation call for four officers?

    The medical and mental health fields acted with remarkable swiftness to address the opioid crisis. Middle- and upper-class White women comprised the largest demographic. They were offered treatment, mental health services, and resources. Their plight was blamed on a highly addictive drug. Black people who are addicted to drugs are labeled criminals (because they are in possession of the drug), drug addicts, and morally deficient.

    Some of the material may be hard for you to receive. I encourage you to try to sit with your feelings and discomfort and allow them to speak to you. The discomfort is there for a reason. “What belief is this revelation rubbing up against?” The most potent question to ask yourself is, “How can I see this differently?” If you have a spiritual aspect in your life, you can ask that Power to help you see differently. Once we know something, we can no longer ignore its existence. Then, we bump into the question, “What can I do? I’m but one person and the landscape of racism is enormous.” This appeal is not easily answered. I hope to offer you resources you can explore.

    Black people in the United States exist as a “gray” caricature of two disparate societies with clashing ideals and rules. The White collective expects us to adhere to their established cultural norms but to never make the mistake of forgetting our “place” on the human hierarchy—on the sidewalk leading to the ladder, not even close.

    I have spent my life trying to maintain balance between the worlds of the Black collective and the White collective. Black people accuse me of imitating White people, of trying to be White. On the other hand, White people see me as friendly and intelligent—and Black. I have been denied raises, promotions, job flexibility to return to school, and subjected to blatant lies.

    Everything I share does not apply to all people in every situation. Humans are hardwired with their own set of idiosyncrasies, perspectives, and ways of receiving new information, derived from experience. I make no attempt to address all White people as racist nor all Black people into a single category. With that said, I hope you use discernment to consider the statements I offer and examine your beliefs rather than dismissing a point as “it doesn’t apply to me.”

    Much has happened during the past nine months—giant corporations drafted public antiracism statements and policies and enacted procedures to follow through; ordinary citizens created book clubs and discussion groups; people backed “Black Lives Matter” with yard signs, sweaters, and other wearables; churches hung banners on their exterior walls to declare their solidarity; we elected Kamala Harris, the first female, nonwhite vice president of the United States. Black people do have allies who sincerely offer compassion and generosity of time, energy, and resources. People who listen to us, really try to hear what we are not saying as well as what we do say.

    We need White people to take the time to ask what we need. We need White people to become sensitive to the intergenerational effects of PTSD. Yes, we desperately need equal opportunities for and access to education, employment, housing, medical and mental healthcare, political and governmental participation and representation, and beneficial networks. We cannot attain these human rights and privileges without help. The media exposes us to the symptoms rather than the disease. As such, I commend all of you, and everyone on the front lines of supporting Black people. Please know you are appreciated.

    There remains much to do to address more than four hundred years of racism. While we can view the glimmer of hope, to exhale and say we have arrived is a mistake. A quick fix does not exist. White supremacists push back to maintain the oppression and marginalization. They wait in the background ready to pounce at a moment’s notice.

    Over the next month, I challenge you to the following exercise:

    • What do I believe about Black people—not what you want to believe? Write your answers in a notebook to get them out in front of you, out into the open, where you can see them in stark reality.
    • How did I arrive at those beliefs?
    • What proof do I have as the validity of those beliefs?
    • You need share your responses as you feel comfortable. I do not recommend doing so if you feel unsafe.

    May your days, weeks, and months unfold in health, safety, joy, and peace.

    More from Billie’s blog: www.dmpcc.org/Billie

    *If you are interested in joining the anti-racism learning group, please email [email protected]

    Billie’s blog: Celebrate What’s Important in 2021: You!

    Terri Speirs on January 20, 2021

    by Billie Wade

    January 2021 — I recall attaining a major goal and the urge to run into the street screaming and flailing my arms. Fortunately, reality tapped me on the shoulder immediately. Achievement feels good and even more so when someone acknowledges our effort. Recognition gives us the energy and enthusiasm of boosted self-confidence for the next step of the journey. And away we go, having lunged into our goal or milestone, we are off to the next without so much as checking to see if our shoelaces are still tied. Over time we wear down, feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and ineffective. The “new and exciting” activities of going after our vision become tedious chores. We ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this? It’s all so pointless. Nobody else will even care.” Mistakes, inevitable though they are, become shrouds of failure. When we live with one or more mental health diagnoses, both the pleasant and the unpleasant of successful living may bat us back and forth like a ping pong ball. One way to help ease the anxiety and balance our experiences is self-celebration.

    Self-celebration gets you off the gerbil wheel for a while. You exhale the tension of focused striving. You catch your breath and let it come naturally. You inhale the next breath for strength to grab the baton and begin the next leg of the journey. With that new, raw energy comes increased belief in yourself and what you are setting out to do. When you celebrate yourself—who you are, what you have endured, your achievements, and what you have overcome—you make a profound statement to yourself that you are valuable unconditionally because of your existence. Celebration sets you up for an amazing range of feelings and physical responses. Joy. Delight. Awe. Wonder. Giggles. Laughter. Grins. Smirks. Amusement. And even eye rolling. People who are particularly body-sensitive may feel their body “laughing or singing, or other sensations.”

    Self-celebration makes you your Number One Fan. You are a priceless synergy of traits, skills, and wisdom. Your unique quirkiness makes you who you are. You enrich the world with all you do. When you are joyful, you infuse your life with magnetic cheer, and you spread it to those around you. Joy is free. Joy is contagious. Joy is an expression of profound gratitude. Abilities are common in three forms: innate, learned through deliberate study, and acquired through experience—think of the wisdom and insight you have gained in the School of Life. Ironically, your most emotionally painful experiences contain the richest wisdom. They illuminate your courage, resourcefulness, and resilience, Celebrate them.

    Early on in self-celebration you may worry about sounding arrogant and unappreciative. You may have learned, as I did, at a young age bragging is a bad practice to start, so bad you could get “the look” or dispatched upstairs to clean your room. However, when you embark on a new endeavor which requires the approval of others, you receive a set of “have tos. ”You have to sell yourself. You have to toot your own horn. You have to convince ‘them’ you are the best.” These instructions, while meant to encourage you, can confuse you about when you can be proud of yourself and when it is not a good idea.

    When sharing your good news invite others in by leading with your feelings, such as, “I have great news to share with you,” or “I am so happy. I can hardly wait to tell you…” or “I did it! I finally made it. ”Share the spotlight if someone helped you. Consider the people you trust. You may need to share with different people in a revved up or subdued manner. If your sister is your number one fan, pour on the exuberance. If your neighbor frowns on everything you do, approach sharing the news with a little caution, if telling the person is necessary.

    So, what do you do? First, remember you are the ONLY person with you 24/7. So, you are the only person who truly knows the intensity of your efforts. Waiting for someone else to congratulate you may take a long time, or not come at all. While this can be hurtful, you can celebrate yourself and even invite others to join you. Get ready for self-celebration by engaging a conscious awareness of activities you enjoy and/or do well and your achievements. I have a running list of my accomplishments to which I add as needed. The notebook pages are made from stone paper—that’s right, paper made from stone! I titled the notebook “Etched in Stone” to help me remember my ability to contribute to my dreams and to the world in which I live. Self-celebration is a gift to yourself you can enjoy regardless of the presence of others.

    Sometimes, you may have to shut down the critical voices yammering at you whether the person(s) is(are) sitting in the same room with you or the voice is from a memory. If self-celebration is daunting for you, talk to someone you trust—therapist, primary care provider, religious leader, spiritual director, friend, or family member. Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center is here for you. Clinicians offering a vast array of support and guidance welcome you. To begin your journey toward healing, click here. See my article, “How To Choose A Therapist” (August, 2020)

    I usually emphasize that a fancy journal is unnecessary. For self-celebration, however, I encourage you to find a journal that makes you smile and want to snuggle or that makes you feel powerful. It does not matter if you purchase your journal at a dollar store or at a bookstore in the mall. Or, if you are crafty, create a journal and embellish the cover and give your journal a name or title. The importance is in how the journal makes you feel each time you write. Stock up on colorful ink pens, pencils, and highlighters, and glitter. Use whatever color fits your mood at the time or color-code your entries.

    Several years ago, I bought a charming journal based entirely on its visual appeal: a top-down image of a dragonfly set against a multi-color background. The nubby-textured brown-gray cover welcomed the dragonfly in without swallowing it. I liked the satiny feel of the muted green-grey pages, with a dragonfly in an upper corner of each page, perfect for brown ink. If you have not tried brown ink, I encourage you to do so. The journal lay in a drawer with other to-be-used-one-of-these-days companions while I waited for the “perfect” theme, that moment of worthiness of such a delightful book.

    On June 9, 2020, I wrote the first entry: to dedicate my Dragonfly Journal to my emotional health and evolution. I claimed my dignity as a human being, proud of my abilities, innate as well as learned. I declared my intention to write only good stuff—Gifts of the Day, affirmations, mantras. Envision gratitude on steroids with lots of friends. All entries are positive words. Such as, “I safely arrived to and from all my destinations today,” rather than, “I didn’t have any traffic or shopping problems.” This was a bit tricky at first. The exercise helped me redefine my experiences and self-messages. I had to create a new vocabulary.

    Here are some tips for Celebrating Wonderful You every day.

    • Use your celebration journal ONLY for the good stuff—unexpected acts of generosity, great parking spaces, getting home fifteen minutes before the thunderstorm rumbled overhead, a medical appointment with good news. Use your regular journal for working through experiences, problem-solving, and exploring your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
    • Write a list of everything you do well or love doing—from “I like the way I fold bath towels to I am an accomplished, respected astrophysicist with twenty years of experience”. Or, perhaps, you were present for a friend or completed an intense training. Be sure to number them so you can see the magnitude of your achievements, in quality as well as quantity.
    • Pause at least ten seconds between each item—set a timer if necessary—and sink into the pleasure of the moment.
    • Write just enough description that you will fully recall the experience when you reread the entry.
    • Each day, write at least one entry that expresses a minimum of five Gifts of the Day–more powerful than “Things I’m grateful for.” You will have so many Gifts on some days, remembering them all will be a challenge. That’s a good thing, a very good thing. Carry a small notebook with you always.
    • Use your social media or videoconferencing platform if you deem it appropriate.
    • If you have a videoconferencing account open a meeting and host a one-on-one session with yourself, with or without the video feature on.
    • Celebrate yourself as often as you want, anytime, anywhere. You do not have to say a word out loud, but I encourage you to do so. Hearing praise directed at you in your own voice can be quite powerful. Record it on your phone or computer and replay it whenever you need a boost
    • Celebrate your achievement repeatedly for as long as you like—just a smile is a celebration, an affirmation, a statement of enjoyment, about yourself. Sometimes, an inner smile is all you need.
    • Apply the wisdom of reaching your goal to the rest of your life.
    • Revisit your entries when you need a boost of confidence and say, “Wow, I rock!”

    We continually seek meaning and fulfillment from our experiences. The achieving can sometimes overshadow the achievement. When we take time to be mindful and appreciative of the journey on our way to the destination, we invite meaning and fulfillment into the doing, which slows down the frenetic pace and sets us on a path of discovery as we achieve. In this respect, the journey is the goal as much as the destination. We do not have to be shy or embarrassed about who we are and what we do to live our life in fullness and contribute to the world in which we live, whatever that looks like for each of us.

    Achieve. Enjoy. Celebrate. Repeat.

    Billie’s blog index: www.dmpcc.org/Billie

    Healing is Hard Work

    Jim Hayes on June 10, 2020

    James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

    I am white.

    I am the son of an auto mechanic.

    I witnessed racial violence in my integrated school and it was terrifying.

    I was a first generation college student and athlete.

    I was dumbfounded by racial slurs shouted from stands that were targeted at black friends and team mates.

    My brother, a good man, is a police captain.

    I have benefited from my status as a white male.

    One of my highest values is justice and loving my neighbor—that means everyone.

    I know I am racist in ways I can’t see.

    I am grateful for people who have helped me to grow and gain the insights necessary to make that last statement.

    I have work to do. Would you like to join me?

    We have work to do.

    Just when we thought we might get a handle on one virus, we find ourselves facing the sickness of racism—again. So many thoughts are on my mind as I compose this article, which was not my original topic for the newsletter and blog this month. Many of these thoughts relate to mental health and our mission. We work hard to walk with people so that all might flourish.

    I received this from Robert Johnson, the CEO of our accrediting agency, the Solihten Institute, as he publicly wrestled with the killing of George Floyd:

    As a young therapist, after a particularly difficult week, a mentor pointed out that good therapy, effective therapy, compassionate therapy did not always result with the person or family in front of me feeling relief. Most people seek our help because they are experiencing inextinguishable pain. Their plea, their expectation is that we will douse the flames of their emotional injury as quickly as possible. All too often, he explained, out of a desire to be helpful, we cooperate with this misguided strategy.

    There are moments in the course of therapy when our most empathic and ethical response is to provide the support and safe environment where our clients can tolerate living with the discomfort of confusion and ambiguity. This can be as difficult for us as is it for our clients. Giving in to these pleas for relief leads to convenient interventions with quick but also short-term analgesic effects. Rather than genuine healing, we become unintentional partners in the perpetuation of harmful, and in extreme cases disastrous cycles of emotional, physical, and spiritual injury.

    The work we have to do as individuals and as a nation has no easy fix and is certainly not going to make us comfortable. But I believe hope and healing are possible.

    The questions, the discomfort, the therapy, and the call to action we must lean into include:

    • Are we willing to face our implicit biases?
    • How can we seek out conversations with those of different skin tone, gender, financial status, religious or sexual preference to understand their perspectives and experiences? We have discovered that many of these people are performing essential and dangerous services, making them most at risk in the age of pandemic. After such an encounter, reflect:
    • What was it like to sit with this person?
    • What did I learn that can become an action for good?
    • Do I regret any part of the conversation?
    • Were there moments when I was concerned I might say something offensive?
    • What surprised you? Affirmed you?
    • What is the next best step for following up with this person?
    • Am I willing to explore my own story through another lens by reading some books on racism? Here’s a list recommended by the Des Moines Public Library:
    • Can I knock on doors accessible to me because of my status, and apply pressure in order to begin honest conversations about equity and inclusion in our community?

    Healing begins when each of us takes responsibility.

    Thank you for helping us to carry out our mission of sustaining hope in times of despair and bringing healing where there is pain. We are in this together and we have work to do.