Billie’s Blog: 20 Ways to Ease Loneliness
Living alone can lead to feelings of freedom and independence or trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation. While aloneness and loneliness are often used interchangeably, and often travel together, they are different. When the holidays loom large, the effects of aloneness and loneliness can intensify. This article contains twenty ideas to help you in times of loneliness.
Aloneness is a physical state in which you are on your own even if other people are present. Reading a book at the library is an example. You may have people with whom to interact and choose not to do so. The key is in your recognizing your options. You may welcome the tranquility of being alone, using the opportunity to rest, relax, recharge, and rekindle.
Re-energized, your imagination and creativity can flow. You embrace your time alone and befriend yourself, allowing for time to explore your values and preferences, your needs and desires, your patterns and routines, your goals and dreams. Curiosity about your inner life leads to discovering with delight the surprise of who you are. Pampering and nurturing yourself become priorities rather than indulgences. You find confidence in self-reliance. Solitude sustains you.
Loneliness is a mental state in which you feel disconnected from other people and, possibly, from your spiritual foundation. You feel you have no one with whom to share thoughts and feelings even when you are with others. Loneliness can affect physical health and mental health, contributing to heart disease, a compromised immune system, depression (which itself may lead to loneliness), thoughts of suicide, and anxiety. You may experience stifled imagination and crushed creativity. Boredom and loss of interest can impact loneliness.
There are myriad life events that trigger loneliness, including genetics and grief, which encompass changes in life circumstances such as moving away from friends and family; empty nest; going off to college; divorce; death of a loved one; a new job or losing a job; illness; relocation of close friends, and more. Depression, anxiety, other mental disorders, and powerful emotions such as anger or even elation can bring about loneliness. You may believe no one else can relate to your feelings of isolation and emptiness, or even your joy and need to celebrate.
Feeling alone and feeling lonely can happen to anyone. An important point to remember is to balance the two states. An introvert may enjoy the company of others for limited periods. They require solitude to re-energize. Solitude offers them an opportunity to pause, introspect, reflect, and sometimes, rejoice, in life. Extroverts relish the company of others and rejuvenate when there are a lot of people around them.
Changes in your attitude and approach to loneliness can go a long way in helping your life improve. Here are some tips for planning for loneliness and for getting through the feeling once it starts:
- Be kind and gentle with yourself.
- Pamper yourself. Play your favorite music, dance in your living room, prepare your favorite meal.
- Consult with your mental health professional if you experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
- Always take suicidal feelings seriously and seek professional help immediately.
- Journal your internal dialogue to help you sort through the maze of uncomfortable feelings.
- Write a gratitude list every day; not only what you are grateful for but think about why. A gratitude does not have to be huge. Someone holding a door open for you could bring you joy.
- Write a list of the advantages of being alone and use each point as a journaling prompt. This can help shift your mindset to one of acceptance of the situation and allow you to create ideas for using the time in positive ways.
- Develop a mantra or set of affirmations that you can repeat until you feel relief.
- Spend time alone with other people—dine out, join a gym, go to a park or other public place and observe people, or read a book or write.
- Do something eccentric you love, such as prepare a favorite meal others find odd or unusual.
- Take a class or attend a seminar, workshop, art festival, play, or a concert or go to a museum.
- Go for a stroll in nature.
- Volunteer with an organization you want to know more about.
- Call someone you would like to know better or someone you already know well just to chat.
- Read inspirational or spiritual materials.
- Engage in spiritual practices that strengthen you.
- Brainstorm and make a list of activities you might enjoy. Create a Master List of Things to Do When I’m Bored.
- Set healthy boundaries.
- Let your imagination boost your spirits. An idea that seems insignificant could change your life.
- Reach out to someone you trust—a mental health professional, religious leader, friend, family member, spiritual director.
These suggestions may be easier offered than done for you. Consider your situation, temperament, and tolerance for interaction. There may be a blurred line between welcoming solitude and perpetuating loneliness. If mobility or transportation is difficult, changing strategies can help. You may want to experiment to find what works best for you.
Left unexplored and unattended, isolation and the resultant loneliness can damage physical and mental health. These episodes can be reduced in frequency, intensity, and duration by welcoming and embracing them. With a conscious change in perception and mindset, loneliness can be turned into life-affirming solitude that promotes senses of self-empowerment, confidence, serenity, and well-being. Enjoy the discovery of a powerful you.
Billie Wade is a gregarious introvert whose primary interests are writing, lifelong learning, personal development, and how we all are affected by life’s vagaries.
Issues facing Black people, women, the LGBTQ community, and aging adults are of particular concern to her. She enjoys open-hearted dialogue with diverse people. The opinions expressed here are her own.
