How to Pour Into Yourself and Your Child This Month

Rachel Degen on February 5, 2025

Written by Elizabeth Moreno, Licensed Independent Social Worker

Elizabeth Moreno, LISW, at Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

Show Love to Others,

And Yourself Too!

February is a time where the holiday of love is celebrated. Most of the time, it is focused on how we can love and care for others and show our gratitude to them. If you are a parent, how can you pour into yourself and your child this month?

Some ways that I encourage parents to show gratitude and love to their children is creating holiday traditions. Cookie decorating, giving the child an affirmation each day of the month, or something as simple as engaging in a game where you begin with “I love you because…” and take turns sharing things you love about one another.

One of my favorite traditions that I engage in is writing a card to those in my inner circles about reasons why I love them.

While pouring love into others is important, it is also important to pour love and healing into ourselves.

Some ways to practice self-love and gratitude this month might include:

  • Searching for the sun everyday this month (there is lots of research on how good natural light is for us!)
  • Writing affirmations on the mirror each morning
  • Dancing to your favorite song
  • Taking time to color
  • Making a card to yourself about all the reasons why you love yourself (why not?!)

Try to set aside time for yourself each day this month and engage in something that makes you feel
special and loved. Pause, breathe and remind yourself of a reason that you are important, special and
loved.

The more love that you can pour into yourself, the more energy and love you can have for others!

LEGOs: A Powerful Tool to Use in Therapy

Rachel Degen on January 27, 2025

Written by Sierra Lauber, PhD, Postdoctoral Psychologist

Sierra Lauber, PhD and postdoctoral psychologist at Mind & Spirit Counseling CenterLEGOs are not only a popular household toy that spans generations but can also be a powerful tool to use in therapy with children, teens, and even families. Their familiarity makes them appealing and accessible to most children, especially those who may be hesitant about therapy or struggle to verbally express themselves. They can also be a great opportunity for teamwork and shared problem solving in family or group therapy. It offers a welcoming, non-threatening way to support connection and communication. These qualities make LEGOs a valuable, versatile resource for creating a welcoming therapeutic environment where we can work toward therapy goals in a playful and fun manner. 

One of my favorite reasons to keep LEGOs on hand in my office is due to their adaptability across contexts and therapy objectives. Some ways I’ve used these include:

  1. Emotion exploration, such as creating an emotion island
    • Using colored LEGO pieces, clients can assign an emotion to a color and build an island to represent how frequently they experience that emotion.
    • We can use a playful approach to exploring how they (or their Lego minifigure) travel to different parts of the island (i.e., noticing when and how their emotions change).
  2. Group therapy
    • Helps add a balanced structure to communication and peer interactions, which decreases anxiety for kids while still promoting teamwork and communication.
    • For example, creating a world with group members and a together being presented with “a problem” they need to work together to solve.
  3. Family therapy
    • Because LEGOs are often beloved across generations, and even include models aimed for adults, LEGOs can be an excellent way to incorporate play in a manner that is inviting and comfortable for all family members.
    • Especially beneficial for exploring communication styles. For instance, one family member sits back-to-back with another and acts as the describer, building a small structure and giving instructions. The follower replicates the structure based solely on these directions, without seeing what the describer is doing.
    • The activity highlights strengths and challenges in communication, following directions, and perspective taking, all in an enjoyable and engaging way that is accessible to children.

LEGOs are an excellent tool for integrating a collaborative and creative approach to supporting children and families’ treatment goals. It helps kids have a greater sense of autonomy in their therapy process and provides opportunities for kids to engage in self-reflection in a manner that is often seen as less intimidating. I continue to be amazed at the creative ways my clients use LEGOs to process their narrative or current challenges and am grateful to be a small part of that journey.

So, the next time you painfully step on one of those sharp-edged bricks that didn’t get picked up at home, think of the ways LEGOs can be used therapeutically and maybe it will hurt just a little less.

In all seriousness though, LEGOs can be an exceptional way to connect with kids, both in therapy and at home. They offer a way to play and create that is away from screens and not constrained by cold weather. If your child already enjoys LEGOs, consider joining them to see what kind of world you can create together.

LEGOs, a powerful tool to use in thearpy to express an emotion island

This image is an example using LEGOs to make an emotion island, as well as processing where and when they feel “stuck” in an emotion. (This is not an actual client example).

Managing Children’s Stress & Anxiety During the Holidays

Rachel Degen on December 13, 2024

Written by Doug Aupperle, Licensed Psychologist & Health Service Provider in Psychology

Doug Aupperle, Mind & Spirit Counseling CenterThe holidays can be filled with joy, wonder, fun, and excitement, but for some children, it can also bring stress and anxiety with changes in routines, high expectations, decreased sleep and healthy eating, and sensory overload. Some signs that children may be struggling include:

  • increased irritability or tantrums
  • increased clinginess
  • homesickness (if away from home)
  • isolating themselves or spending more time alone during gatherings, and/or frequently asking to go home
  • reduced excitement about and pleasure in things they usually enjoy

However, there are things parents and caregivers can do to help buffer against these adverse impacts for children. Kate Paradis of Boston Children’s Hospital and Brenna Drury of Alexander Youth Network offer these helpful tips:

  1. Maintain Routines as Much as Possible:

Most children thrive on and find security in routines, and disruption of those can lead to increased anxiety and stress. Try to still follow regular meal times, bedtime routines, and daily rituals. Consistency helps children feel more secure and less anxious during the holidays.

  1. Keep Open Communication About Changes:

Of course, some changes in schedules and plans are unavoidable during the holidays. When changes do occur, try to give children advance notice and talk about them openly and in specific detail. Invite children to express their feelings and concerns about those changes, and offer empathy regarding those feelings, too. Being heard helps them to feel affirmed and begins to diffuse their anxiety. If the child continues to feel uncomfortable or anxious about new or different plans and activities, don’t force them to participate, as this will only likely escalate emotions and behaviors.  Instead, give them space and time to manage their emotions from the sidelines and then re-engage when and to the degree they are ready and able to tolerate.

  1. Manage Expectations:

The holidays inevitably come with expectations, and it is important to help children manage them realistically. Discuss creating realistic expectations, and emphasize the more important and positive values of the holidays, too.  Examples include focusing on the holiday spirit of giving, as well as the value of sharing time together, rather than just focusing on the material side of the holidays.  Encouraging volunteering and service during the holidays also reinforces values of generosity and community engagement. There is also evidence that engaging in service to others also helps to improve mood, anxiety levels, and a general sense of well-being for those serving and helping others.

  1. Establish Safe/Quiet Spaces:

The holidays often bring a flurry (or blizzard) of activities and social gatherings, which can be overstimulating and overwhelming for some children. Create a designated safe, quiet location with soothing, comforting materials available where children can take a break when feeling stress and/or sensory overload. This might be a quiet room or corner of a room explicitly designated for this purpose. Bundling up and spending some quiet time on walks in nature helps with re-grounding and reducing stress and anxiety, too. In fact, just a little exposure to cold air is also grounding in and of itself.

  1. Maintain Balanced & Healthy Eating:

The increased abundance of sweet and calorie-rich food can become a major focus during the holidays. As a result, it can be easy and tempting for children and families to fall away from their healthier eating habits, but what you eat does truly affect how you feel. Be mindful of what your family is eating. If possible, bring along healthy snacks when running holiday errands and traveling. Limit the sweets and rich foods as special treats when you’re at social gatherings and special events, and moderate how much they are consumed on these occasions, too.

  1. Foster Self-Care:

Parents and caregivers are also not immune to stress during the holidays, so how well they tend to their own self-care to help manage that in turn affects how well they can support their children coping. It also allows them to model and demonstrate self-care and adaptive coping for their children to follow. Examples of basic self-care include physical activity, healthy eating, mindfulness activities, getting adequate sleep and rest, and taking breaks.

The Power of Being Seen

Rachel Degen on October 9, 2024

Written by Danielle Foreman, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Danielle Foreman, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

As the school year continues and kids and teens are busy participating in a variety of life activities and sports, it can be a challenge to find quality time together to stay connected. Luckily parents and caregivers have the ability to reaffirm and strengthen the connection and bond with their children using praise and simply validating their child’s experiences and feelings. These small moments of recognition tap into the power of being seen, where children feel valued and understood. While these moments of connection can be very powerful, they often don’t have to be complicated.

Below are some examples of ways you can connect, validate, praise and encourage your children and teens:

  • “You have improved since your last game”
  • “You organized the toys in your room so well while you were tidying up”
  • “That was really thoughtful of you”
  • “You look really proud of yourself”
  • “Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I love hearing from you”
  • “I love spending time with you”
  • “I know that you did your best”
  • “That was really brave what you did”
  • “This family would not be the same without you”
  • “You were such a kind and caring friend when you…”
  • “I see how much effort you put into (your homework, practice, performance, friendship, etc.)”
  • “I admire your confidence”
  • “You set such a good example for others by being a team player”
  • “You are so resilient and didn’t let that (challenge, mistake, situation, etc.) stop you”
  • “Your passion about _____ amazes me”
  • “Thank you for being you”
  • “You solved that problem! It was tricky but you found a way”
  • “I love watching you do things that you enjoy”

Even taking a few minutes a day to connect with your child and teen can help them feel seen and reinforce the love and safety you provide as a caregiver and parent, which in turn can help decrease the sense of isolation and disconnection that so many are struggling with today.

A kind and encouraging word can make all the difference in any person’s day and I hope that the examples provided will inspire you to incorporate the power of being seen by briefly connecting and encouraging your children, teens, and anyone else that you might be around today.

Sand Tray Therapy: What You Need to Know

Rachel Degen on August 7, 2024

Written by Elizabeth Moreno, Licensed Independent Social Worker

Elizabeth Moreno, LISW, at Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

As a child therapist, it is such an honor that parents and caregivers allow me to work individually with their children. We often hear the term “play therapy” used when working with children. Play therapy encompasses many modalities and theories that a therapist can use. Since each child is so different, therapeutic approaches should be tailored accordingly. One of my favorite modalities to use with children, teens, families, and even adults, is Sand Tray Therapy.

So, what is Sand Tray Therapy exactly? Sand Tray is a modality that allows the individual to process intrapersonal and interpersonal issues through the use of verbal and nonverbal communication by using sand tray materials such as miniatures (toys) and a sandbox. This modality enables the therapist to employ both nondirective and directive therapy techniques, helping clients process emotions and situations through play. Sand Tray Therapy is a non-threatening approach that can take the pressure off needing to talk to the therapist and instead using images and a sensory component to allow the client to process.

There are many ways that Sand Tray Therapy can be used. Personally, I like to use it with kids and teens with anxiety or trauma. I also use this modality with families to allow family members to express concerns and emotions in the relationships. Sand Tray Therapy can be great for resistant clients, rapport building and a great exercise to step inside the client’s world.

 “Enter into children’s play and you will find the place where their minds, hearts, and souls meet.”

Virginia Axline

This modality allows just that—expressive sensory meets nonverbal language to assist with processing where the therapist is able to ask questions to explore deeper. The trained therapist is able to identify play therapy themes, ask curious questions and wonder to assist with processing.

Over the last 6 years of practice, I have seen many beautiful trays and it always seems to be a fan favorite that can also meet many needs of a client.

An example of a sand tray that may have someone processing how they feel they need to keep their love and happiness contained and instead have some explosive behaviors. (This is not an actual client example.)

The powerful impacts of accepting versus rejecting parent behavior on their LGBTQ+ children’s health & well-being

Rachel Degen on June 14, 2024

Written by Doug Aupperle, Licensed Psychologist

Doug Aupperle, Ph.D. Click to read Doug’s bio

It’s probably no surprise to anyone that parents have a profound impact on how their children develop, grow, and function in the world. However, research on the LGBTQ+ population has traditionally been scarce, and research related to the youngest members of that population and their families has been even more so. The Family Acceptance Project (FAP) of San Francisco State University began to shed some light on that, though, with some groundbreaking research over a decade ago. Their findings show just how powerfully parent and caregiver responses to their LGBTQ+ children really do impact their children’s mental and physical health and well-being now and into adulthood.

The researchers have conducted interviews with hundreds of families over the years and identified more than 100 types behaviors exhibited in response to their LGBTQ+ children’s identities. They found that about half of these behaviors could be categorized as accepting and the other half as rejecting. Then they evaluated the effects of these behaviors to see how they impact their LGBTQ+ children, and what they found was striking.

The study found that often the parents who were engaging in responses categorized as rejecting were actually motivated by care and concern for their children. These parents often reported being afraid for their LGBTQ+ child’s safety and concerned that their child’s identity would result in a more difficult life. In other cases, how closely the parents’ identities were tied to their children’s drove parental rejecting behavior. Parents with high levels of such identification felt personal shame and embarrassment regarding their children’s LGBTQ+ identities. They also felt intolerable distress over how it challenged the parents’ views and beliefs.

Regardless of the parental motivations for engaging in the rejecting behaviors, though, the resulting impact on their children was still the same. Compared to LGBTQ+ children whose parents are highly accepting, the research showed that those whose parents are highly rejecting are:

  • 8 times as likely to attempt suicide;
  • 6 times as likely to report high levels of depression;
  • 3 times as likely to use illegal drugs;
  • 3 times as likely to be at high risk for HIV and STDs.

When parental rejecting responses decrease even somewhat to more mixed/moderately rejecting levels, the risks, though still serious, also decrease. Compared to those with highly accepting parents, LGBTQ+ children experiencing mixed/moderately rejecting parental responses are:

  • 2 times as likely to attempt suicide;
  • 3 times as likely to report high levels of depression;
  • 1.5 times as likely to use illegal drugs;
  • 1.5 times as likely to be at high risk for HIV and STDs.

Parent responses also profoundly shape their children’s hopes and dreams for their lives. Nearly all LGBTQ+ children in the study with extremely accepting parents believed they could live happy, productive lives as adults, while only about a third of those did whose parents were not at all accepting.

The bottom line is that for parents who want to know how to best support their LGBTQ+ children, seeking out the educational resources and community support to help them best do so may be a truly life-giving and life-saving gift to their children. For those parents who are conflicted and struggling, taking steps to be even a little less rejecting and a little more supportive can still significantly reduce the risks for their children. As the saying goes, every journey begins with a single step.

Some Family Behaviors that Increase Your LGBTQ+ Child’s Risk for Health and Mental Health Problems BEHAVIORS TO AVOID

  • Hitting, slapping or physically hurting your child because of their LGBTQ+ identity
  • Verbal harassment or name-calling because of your child’s LGBTQ+ identity
  • Excluding LGBTQ+ youth from family events and family activities
  • Blocking access to LGBTQ+ friends, events, and resources
  • Blaming your child when they are discriminated against because of their LGBTQ+ identity
  • Pressuring your child to be more (or less) masculine or feminine
  • Telling your child that God will punish them because they are LGBTQ+
  • Telling your child that you are ashamed of them or that how they look or act will shame the family
  • Making your child keep their LGBTQ+ identity a secret in the family and not letting them talk about their identity with others

© Caitlin Ryan, Family Acceptance Project, 2009.

Some Family Behaviors that Reduce Your LGBTQ+ Child’s Risk for Health and Mental Health Problems & Help Promote Their Well-Being BEHAVIORS THAT HELP

  • Talk with your child or foster child about their LGBTQ+ identity.
  • Express affection when your child tells you or when you learn that your child is LGBTQ+.
  • Support your child’s LGBTQ+ identity even though you may feel uncomfortable.
  • Advocate for your child when he or she is mistreated because of their LGBTQ+ identity.
  • Require that other family members respect your LGBTQ+ child.
  • Bring your child to LGBTQ+ organizations or events.
  • Connect your child with an LGBTQ+ adult role model to show them options for the future.
  • Work to make your congregation supportive of LGBTQ+ members, or find a supportive faith community that welcomes your family and LGBTQ+ child.
  • Welcome your child’s LGBTQ+ friends & partner to your home and to family events and activities.
  • Support your child’s gender expression.
  • Believe your child can have a happy future as an LGBTQ+ adult.

© Caitlin Ryan, Family Acceptance Project, 2009.

References:

Ryan, C. (2009). Helping Families Support Their Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Children. Washington, DC: National Center for Cultural Competence, Georgetown University Center for Child and Human Development.

Ryan, C., Huebner, D., Diaz, R. M., & Sanchez, J. (2009). Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino lesbian, gay and bisexual young adults. Pediatrics, 123(1), 346-352.

Mental Health Advocacy Day at PCM

Paige Franzluebbers on April 18, 2022

Trey Voeller

 

Meet Trey Voeller, a junior at PCM (Prairie City Monroe) High School! Trey organized a Mental Health Advocacy Day at his school that included multiple speakers, over a dozen mental health organizations throughout Iowa, and the entirety of the student body.

Trey, standing in front of a few booths at the mental health fair

Trey standing in front of a few booths at the mental health fair

Staci sitting at the Center's booth

Staci sitting at the Center’s booth

Staci Fosenburg, a psychologist from the Center and a graduate of PCM, hosted a booth at the event. Staci said, “It was certainly a powerful experience to come back to PCM after all these years and to share what I’ve learned and value about mental health.”

Staci was so impressed by the event and Trey’s commitment to mental health advocacy that we decided to spotlight Trey’s hard work in a special blog post!

 

Shannon: Tell me about the event you organized at your high school.

Trey: The event was a mental health advocacy day for PCM High School students. It was an all-day event starting with a presentation, followed by a mental health fair, and ending with two more presentations. The first presentation was two adults from NAMI Central Iowa, Anglea Tharp, and McKenzie Lopez. Their presentation was about being a friend and identifying symptoms of different mental health issues. The mental health fair had 20 organizations from around central Iowa. These organizations were everything from therapy organizations to hospitals. Students came in eight different waves separated by grade and last name. These groups were small to keep personal conversations private. If there was still time, students could answer feedback posters. Finally, Eric Preuss spoke on behalf of Your Life Iowa. He talked about ways for students to reach out to get help, whether for themselves or a loved one struggling with mental health. Eric discussed where to go or who to go to with mental illness concerns and needs. The last speaker, a senior from Ottumwa, Iowa, was Lily Glenn. She spoke about her experience with mental health and anxiety and how she has found different activities and resources that help her.

Overall, the three speakers added personal stories that helped students learn that everyone has a different story, and they learned that people struggling with mental health issues are all around us. It was a very engaging day where students and the community came together to advocate for mental health.

After the event, I started to find student interest in a mental health club at our school. I am initiating a Stomp Out Stigma club which works through Please Pass the Love.

Shannon: What inspired you to host this event?

Trey: This past year I was accepted to serve on SIYAC (The State of Iowa Youth Advisory Council). This council works with the Iowa Department of Human Rights. On this council, I work on the health and service committees. On the health committee, I connected with many legislators from around the state during the 2022 Legislative Session. I learned that Iowa is 51st in the United States for mental health awareness and advocacy. When I took a step back, I was able to see how even in my community, mental health awareness is generally not discussed. We have a mental health day that allows us to play games, but students want resources when I asked them about the original mental health day. I decided to take a stand and get connections through the legislators I had met. One legislator that helped instrumentally is my Representative, Jon Dunwell.

Shannon: What were your goals for the event?

Trey: When I’ve been asked this question, there are two ways I would answer. The first is my personal story of fighting mental illnesses and being put in situations where I did not know what to do. I talked about how I was once in the position of holding the life of a friend. This situation helped me realize I never wanted to fear this situation because I did not know what to do, so I decided to inform those around me too! The other answer is, even if I impact one life or help someone save another life in the future, wouldn’t that be worth it? Isn’t one life worth all the effort?

Shannon: Tell me about how the event went and any feedback you heard from other students, teachers, or organizations who participated.

Trey: The Mental Health Advocacy Day went excellent. There were some bumps in the road with finding supplies and finalizing some of the information for the day. However, the day ran very smooth. The students received great resources with information. Students tried to get signatures from three tables, and they received them only if they had a meaningful conversation with the table presenter. Teachers were given snacks throughout the day with a sign that said, “Teacher Mental Health Matters Too!” Many teachers complimented the presenters because some of the past presenters at our school did not relate to students. Past presenters have often left students wondering, “How does mental health matter to us?” These presentations allowed them to be a friend, see the symptoms, how to reach out, and what to do to release the pressure from society. The organizations gave good feedback, and many said they hoped this event continued as they wished to attend again. I also had one organization say the communication I had with them made the entire day less nerve-wracking. Everyone, who attended and helped put this event together, created a network that benefitted everyone.

Shannon: What would you say to other students who care about mental health and want to make a difference?

Trey: If you want to make a difference, I would say you should advocate for it. Start by looking for a need/issue in your community. Then, bring awareness to that need/issue and inform others about what you want to change. We as youth have a voice, and some people are listening. Youth are the future, and when society invests in its future, it sets us up for success as leaders and future influencers. For students wanting to make a difference, you can find ways to get involved in your communities and around the state for these passions. For students who care about mental health specifically, look for what you are trying to get across. Mental Health is a broad subject with many smaller corresponding parts, and when you finalize the message you want to convey to others, a bigger impact can be made.

Shannon: Is there anything else you’d like our audience to know about you or the event?

Trey: I would like to thank Representative Jon Dunwell for financially supporting this event. Thanks to Mrs. Pohl for helping me plan this event and being my teacher advisor. Thank you to my mother and the Prairie City Police Department (Matt) for catering this event. Thank you to the organizations that came and gave resources to students, Newton HyVee for donating cookies, and the PCM School District for being accommodating. Lastly, I want to thank the Monroe Police Department, Monroe Presbyterian Church, and Monroe First Reformed Church for donating tables. This event was worth the effort, and I would recommend anyone to take the time to advocate for their passions and beliefs. Again, thank you to Representative Jon Dunwell and Ms. Samantha Pohl for supporting me with this entire process.

Staci sharing information with a student

Staci sharing information with a student

Tips for Nurturing and Protecting Children at Home

Allison Peet on April 9, 2020

This article was written by Childmind.org

Tips for nurturing and protecting children at home
Child Mind Institute

Parents everywhere are struggling to keep children healthy and occupied. If you’re anxious about how to protect and nurture kids through this crisis — often juggling work obligations at the same time — you’re in good (virtual) company. I know, as I write this from home, with my 2-year-old hovering, that we have a lot to figure out.  Here are tips from the Child Mind Institute’s clinicians to help calm fears, manage stress and keep the peace.

Keep routines in place
The experts all agree that setting and sticking to a regular schedule is key, even when you’re all at home all day. Kids should get up, eat and go to bed at their normal times. Consistency and structure are calming during times of stress. Kids, especially younger ones or those who are anxious, benefit from knowing what’s going to happen and when.

The schedule can mimic a school or day camp schedule, changing activities at predictable intervals, and alternating periods of study and play.

It may help to print out a schedule and go over it as a family each morning. Setting a timer will help kids know when activities are about to begin or end. Having regular reminders will help head off meltdowns when it’s time to transition from one thing to the next.

Be creative about new activities — and exercise
Incorporate new activities into your routine, like doing a puzzle or having family game time in the evening. For example, my family is baking our way through a favorite dessert cookbook together with my daughter as sous chef.

Build in activities that help everyone get some exercise (without contact with other kids or things touched by other kids, like playground equipment). Take a daily family walk or bike ride or do yoga — great ways to let kids burn off energy and make sure everyone is staying active.

David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, recommends brainstorming ways to go “back to the 80s,” before the time of screen prevalence. “I’ve been asking parents to think about their favorite activities at summer camp or at home before screens,” he says. “They often then generate lists of arts and crafts activities, science projects, imaginary games, musical activities, board games, household projects, etc.”

Manage your own anxiety
It’s completely understandable to be anxious right now (how could we not be?) but how we manage that anxiety has a big impact on our kids. Keeping your worries in check will help your whole family navigate this uncertain situation as easily as possible.

“Watch out for catastrophic thinking,” says Mark Reinecke, PhD, a clinical psychologist with the Child Mind Institute. For example, assuming every cough is a sign you’ve been infected, or reading news stories that dwell on worst-case scenarios. “Keep a sense of perspective, engage in solution-focused thinking and balance this with mindful acceptance.”

For those moments when you do catch yourself feeling anxious, try to avoid talking about your concerns within earshot of children. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, step away and take a break. That could look like taking a shower or going outside or into another room and taking a few deep breaths.

Limit consumption of news
Staying informed is important, but it’s a good idea to limit consumption of news and social media that has the potential to feed your anxiety, and that of your kids. Turn the TV off and mute or unfollow friends or co-workers who are prone to sharing panic-inducing posts.

Take a social media hiatus or make a point of following accounts that share content that take your mind off the crisis, whether it’s about nature, art, baking or crafts.

Stay in touch virtually
Keep your support network strong, even when you’re only able to call or text friends and family. Socializing plays an important role in regulating your mood and helping you stay grounded. And the same is true for your children.

Let kids use social media (within reason) and Skype or FaceTime to stay connected to peers even if they aren’t usually allowed to do so. Communication can help kids feel less alone and mitigate some of the stress that comes from being away from friends.

Technology can also help younger kids feel closer to relatives or friends they can’t see at the moment. My parents video chat with their granddaughter every night and read her a (digital) bedtime story. It’s not perfect, but it helps us all feel closer and less stressed.

Make plans
In the face of events that are scary and largely out of our control, it’s important to be proactive about what you can control. Making plans helps you visualize the near future. How can your kids have virtual play dates? What can your family do that would be fun outside? What are favorite foods you can cook during this time? Make lists that kids can add to. Seeing you problem solve in response to this crisis can be instructive and reassuring for kids.

Even better, assign kids tasks that will help them feel that they are part of the plan and making a valuable contribution to the family.

Keep it positive
Though adults are feeling apprehensive, to most children the words “School’s closed” are cause for celebration. “My kid was thrilled when he found out school would be closing,” says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. Parents, she says, should validate that feeling of excitement and use it as a springboard to help kids stay calm and happy.

Let kids know that you’re glad they’re excited, but make sure they understand that though it may feel like vacations they’ve had in the past, things will be different this time. For example, Dr. Busman suggests, “It’s so cool to have everyone home together. We’re going to have good time! Remember, though, we’ll still be doing work and sticking to a regular schedule.”

Keep kids in the loop — but keep it simple
“Talking to children in a clear, reasonable way about what’s going on is the best way to help them understand,” says Dr. Busman. “But remember kids don’t need to know every little thing.” Unless kids ask specifically, there’s no reason to volunteer information that might worry them.

For example, our two-year-old daughter Alice is used to seeing her grandparents regularly, but right now we’re keeping our distance to make sure everyone stays safe. When she asks about them we say: “We won’t see Grandma and Grandpa this week but we will see them soon!” We don’t say: “We’re staying away from Grandma and Grandpa because we could get them sick.” Older kids can handle — and expect — more detail, but you should still be thoughtful about what kinds of information you share with them.

Check in with little kids
Young children may be oblivious to the facts of the situation, but they may still feel unsettled by the changes in routine, or pick up on the fact that people around them are worried and upset. Plan to check in with younger children periodically and give them the chance to process any worries they may be having. Children who are tantruming more than usual, being defiant or acting out may actually be feeling anxious. Pick a calm, undistracted time and gently ask how they’re feeling and make sure to respond to outbursts in a calm, consistent, comforting way.

Sometimes the path of least resistance is the right path
Remember to be reasonable and kind to yourself. We all want to be our best parenting selves as much as we can, but sometimes that best self is the one that says, “Go for it,” when a kid asks for more time on the iPad. My daughter is watching Elmo’s World — and possibly drawing on the wall — as I write this. That shrill red Muppet is the only reason I’m able to write at all.

“We should forgive ourselves the image of perfection that we normally aspire to as parents,” says Dr. Anderson. “Maybe your kids don’t have TV or screens on the weeknights during the school year, but now that school is cancelled or online, we can give ourselves license to relax these boundaries a bit.  We can explain to our kids that this is a unique situation and re-institute boundaries once more when life returns to normal.”

Accept and ask for help
If you have a partner at home, agree that you’ll trade off when it comes to childcare. Especially if one or both of you are working from home and have younger children. That way everyone gets a break and some breathing room.

Everyone who can pitch in, should. Give kids age appropriate jobs. For example, teens might be able to help mind younger siblings when both parents have to work. Most children can set the table, help keep communal spaces clean, do dishes or take out the trash. Even toddlers can learn to pick up their own toys. Working as a team will help your whole family stay busy and make sure no one person (Mom) is overwhelmed.

“Be creative and be flexible,” says Dr. Busman, “and try not to be hard on yourself. You have to find a balance that works for your family. The goal should be to stay sane and stay safe.”

 

Thank you to the Viking Foundation of Lincoln

Terri Speirs on December 17, 2019

“Young people are the world’s greatest resource.”

Thank you to the Viking Foundation of Lincoln for providing generous, critical support for the children and adolescents who need high quality mental health services and are served through the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center’s C.O.O.L. clinic (Children Overcoming the Obstacles in Life).

The Viking Foundation is guided by a set of core values including “Young people are the world’s greatest resource.” We see that value come alive with the resources made available to help children heal from abuse and trauma, and learn to manage their depression, anxiety and other life challenges.

Since 2012 the Viking Foundation has supported the C.O.O.L. clinic with grants totaling $16,000 — providing critical support to thousands of young people plus their families. Funds have helped C.O.O.L. clinicians to build a premier treatment approach for children in Central Iowa to find hope and healing. Over the years, the Viking Foundation has provided art supplies, therapeutic toys, outdoor play equipment, children’s psychological testing materials, medical technology, clinical training and other accessories needed for COOL’s innovative, experiential approach to treating children and teens.

For more information on the Center’s C.O.O.L. clinic: www.dmpcc.org/COOL.

 

Carlos’ story

Terri Speirs on December 17, 2018

To demonstrate the power of counseling, we share the story of Carlos. We have changed the name and identifying details to preserve privacy.

“Sometimes it feels like my life is a roller coaster and counseling is my seat belt.” ~ Carlos

Carlos has experienced great hardship in his young life. He came to the United States five years ago at age three. He came with his mother, who migrated from Mexico to search for a job and security. But it hasn’t been easy for Carlos or his mother. Sadly, there has been much heartbreak. Carlos experienced abuse by another adult, and he witnessed violence upon his mother. Trauma has long-lasting effects on people, especially when it happens in childhood.

Carlos’ mother did not know where to turn for help. She works the nightshift at a low-wage job and has very little household resources, yet she found her way to a bilingual children’s counselor, Alicia Krpan, at the Center’s through it’s specialized services for children and adolescents, C.O.O.L. (Children Overcoming the Obstacles in Life). COOL is an experienctial approach to therapy, integrating art, play, food, sports, nature and music into the counseling process. Alicia provides services at the Center’s home facility and also at a satellite center in the Drake neighborhood. Both locations provide the a safe, welcoming place for children like Carlos to find hope and healing.

Alicia Krpan, t.L.M.H.C., bilingual counselor

“It has been such a privilege to help Carlos to know that the trauma he and his mother experienced was not his fault,” said his counselor Alicia. “He now knows that he did nothing wrong. In his counseling sessions I can remind him he is brave and beautiful and awesome.”

Alicia employed the use of a therapeutic sand table (more info here) to help Carlos communicate his concerns, and to help Carlos to understand that he can heal and become whole again.

Carlos and his counselor Alicia communicate in English, but his mother only speaks Spanish. It is scary for a parent to sign up their child for a service in a language they don’t understand. It could put the child in an awkward position of translating their own counseling sessions for their parents. However, counselor Alicia is able to speak with Carlos’ mother in Spanish and help her to understand the process. Carlos only needs to think about his own healing, and not how to explain it to his mother. Carlos can stay focused on being a child.