Communities of Hope and Connection Save Lives Every Day
My doctor noticed the hesitation in my voice as I answered a few of the questions on my depression screening as part of my routine physical.
“Say more about that.” He compassionately encouraged.
“I do think about death a good bit just before I go to bed. But I am a pastor. I think about death a good bit as part of my job. I do not want or have a have plans to kill myself, but sometimes I wish I could just cease to exist and be replaced with a better version of myself and no one would know the difference.”
There was sincerity and caring in his voice as he said, “I believe it would be a good thing for you to talk to a counselor. Would you be willing to do this?”
I was surprised to hear him say this.
“If you think I should, I will, but I do not have plans to kill myself and I want to assure you that I would go directly to the emergency room if I was having serious thoughts about suicide. I have been this way for most of my life. I think I can just be a bit dramatic in my self-talk.”
“I am not worried you are going to leave here and kill yourself, but I do think it is important for you to talk with someone, and I am glad you are willing to do that. I will set that up before you leave.” He insisted.
I had taken depression screenings before. Also, there were times in my life when I knew I was depressed, but I could always link them to a short-term life situation. So, in my mind those thoughts and feelings had “passed” when I returned to my “normal self.” I did not realize that for reasons doctors and researchers still do not fully understand, I was one of those people whose brain chemistry “set-point” was a bit too low.
Seven years later I meet monthly with my therapist. I take a little round pill every morning, and I seldom have a desire to not exist, even when things are tough. When I do, I do not dismiss them. I know they are a warning. I ask myself what I need to do to take care of myself, and I make no excuses about prioritizing that care. I cannot believe I thought this way of feeling and thinking was “just part of being me” for so much of my life.
Why did this take so long? Part of the reason is that the “set-point” of alarm for the culture, even in the medical community was too high. I never reached the point of desperation, and no one asked specific questions or listened for early indicators that I might need some support. Thankfully, family medicine is becoming more aware. Still, we can do more to improve people’s quality of life and prevent suicides.
Last month I became a Soul Shop trainer. Soul Shop is a movement that is helping congregations recognize and address the two most significant factors related to suicide: a loss of hope and a loss of connection. Or, in other words, desperation and isolation. Please note that the first word is “desperation” and not “depression.” While a significant number of people who attempt suicide or die by suicide are living with depression, a just as significant number of people are not.
Yes, we DO need medical and mental health professionals in order to save lives. However, that is not enough. The good news is that we do not have to be a “professional” to save a life.
One of the Soul Shop trainers shared his story of being a lifeguard: One of the skills he learned in training was how to methodically scan the pool. One day he was diligently doing just that. He moved his gaze from the far right corner to the far left just as he was trained. However, just as his gaze left the right corner of the pool, a little boy fell off the edge and sank to the bottom of the pool. By the time he realized that he had literally just missed seeing this, a woman near the little boy had reached down and grabbed the child off the bottom of the pool, saving his life.
His point. . . it is not always the “professional” who makes the lifesaving difference, it is the person who is near that person, sees them in trouble, and acts. Soul Shop teaches congregations to be those kinds of people for each other and anyone that they meet.
If you would like to host a Soul Shop training for your congregation or a similar training designed for non-religious institutions and workplaces, please email or call. The more we can create communities of awareness and connection who are not afraid to talk about suicide, the more hope and genuine connection we can offer and the more lives we can save.
If you are a loved one is considering suicide, please call “988” after answering some automated questions you will be connected with a trained counselor.
