Generous Spirits

Jim Hayes on January 8, 2019

“Generosity is the virtue of giving good things to others freely and abundantly. It is a learned character trait that involves attitude and action entailing both the inclination and actual practice of giving liberally. It is not a haphazard behavior but a basic orientation to life. What generosity gives can vary: money, possessions, time, attention, aid, encouragement, and more but it always intends to enhance the true wellbeing of the receiver. Like all virtues, generosity is in people’s genuine enlightened self-interest to learn and practice.”  – Christian Smith, The Generosity Project

I spent a good bit of my time in 2018–my sophomore year at the Center–developing deeper relationships with various stakeholders. Deep relationships are what make this place go. Clients sharing their stories with therapists, career counselors and spiritual directors. Peers diving into the healing process in various groups. Board members and volunteers giving of themselves through sharing of the precious resources of time, talent and treasure. And so it goes.

Much of my time is spent deepening relationships with our generous donors. These wonderful souls have grown committed to the organization for a variety of reasons. Some recently, others over decades. My relationship with them often begins with a simple question: “How did you get connected with the Center?” Answers are rich and varied. They or a member of their families may have accessed our services. Others deepened their spiritual lives through the Prairie Fire program. Some were invited to a fundraiser by a friend, which led to inspiration as people heard the stories and of the good work that goes on at the Center. Many times it was a relationship with one of our staff and a desire to help people of good character to carry on such committed work.

The answers and commitments vary, but the underlying, foundational spirit of all these relationships is generosity. Folks generous in sharing their stories; folks generous in the time it takes to listen deeply; folks generous in donating hard-earned resources in order to help us help those who might otherwise struggle to afford our quality services.

All of this was on my mind when I recently encountered the author quoted above, Christian Smith. His 2014 book, co-authored with Hilary Davidson, The Paradox of Generosity: Giving We Receive, Grasping We lose, is a sociological study of why, when and to whom people feel compelled to be generous. Their examination involves not only financial giving, but the many diverse ways folks live generously. The research shows consistent links between generosity and being fully alive. One of the most interesting outcomes of generous spirits is that they have positive mental health outcomes.

I hope to spend some time in my newsletter reflections this year investigating the ways generosity helps us to experience life more fully. Let me know if you’d like to share some thoughts or experiences on this topic, which you think might enrich the conversation.

If we didn’t get a chance to hear your story in 2018, I hope 2019 affords us an opportunity to understand your connection to the Center. We’re all in this together, bringing understanding, hope and healing through counseling and education—and generosity.

Thank you for giving liberally in this important mission.

Click image to read more blogs posts from Jim

 

Carlos’ story

Terri Speirs on December 17, 2018

To demonstrate the power of counseling, we share the story of Carlos. We have changed the name and identifying details to preserve privacy.

“Sometimes it feels like my life is a roller coaster and counseling is my seat belt.” ~ Carlos

Carlos has experienced great hardship in his young life. He came to the United States five years ago at age three. He came with his mother, who migrated from Mexico to search for a job and security. But it hasn’t been easy for Carlos or his mother. Sadly, there has been much heartbreak. Carlos experienced abuse by another adult, and he witnessed violence upon his mother. Trauma has long-lasting effects on people, especially when it happens in childhood.

Carlos’ mother did not know where to turn for help. She works the nightshift at a low-wage job and has very little household resources, yet she found her way to a bilingual children’s counselor, Alicia Krpan, at the Center’s through it’s specialized services for children and adolescents, C.O.O.L. (Children Overcoming the Obstacles in Life). COOL is an experienctial approach to therapy, integrating art, play, food, sports, nature and music into the counseling process. Alicia provides services at the Center’s home facility and also at a satellite center in the Drake neighborhood. Both locations provide the a safe, welcoming place for children like Carlos to find hope and healing.

Alicia Krpan, t.L.M.H.C., bilingual counselor

“It has been such a privilege to help Carlos to know that the trauma he and his mother experienced was not his fault,” said his counselor Alicia. “He now knows that he did nothing wrong. In his counseling sessions I can remind him he is brave and beautiful and awesome.”

Alicia employed the use of a therapeutic sand table (more info here) to help Carlos communicate his concerns, and to help Carlos to understand that he can heal and become whole again.

Carlos and his counselor Alicia communicate in English, but his mother only speaks Spanish. It is scary for a parent to sign up their child for a service in a language they don’t understand. It could put the child in an awkward position of translating their own counseling sessions for their parents. However, counselor Alicia is able to speak with Carlos’ mother in Spanish and help her to understand the process. Carlos only needs to think about his own healing, and not how to explain it to his mother. Carlos can stay focused on being a child.

In gratitude to Betty Durden

Terri Speirs on October 16, 2017

Betty Durden: Leaving a legacy for the Center’s future

Betty Durden (photo courtesy of her family)

(October 2017) – Betty Durden lived large and gave generously. A woman of extensive accomplishment, she led with courage even when personal risk was high and rewards limited.

Of the many organizations Betty supported, she gave to the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center throughout her lifetime including serving as a member of the Center’s Foundation Board and advising on human resource best practices. At the time of her death she left a large legacy gift to the Center – a bequest that will help ensure access to counseling services for others, for years to come.

On October 12, 2017, the family of Betty Durden hosted a reception at the Center to honor Betty, and to present a large bequest check from Betty’s estate to fulfill her philanthropic wishes. Center staff were grateful for the invitation to join in the celebration of Betty’s life, and to witness the gift presentation following comments offered by Betty’s daughter, Barbara Durden Davis (see transcript below).

We are forever grateful for Betty Durden’s vision, support and remarkable legacy — supporting our shared mission of understanding, hope and healing far into the future.

The full transcript of Barbara Durden Davis’ presentation

The family of Betty Durden, along with the Center’s executive director Jim Hayes, board vice chair Sally Wood, and Center founders Ellery Duke and Eileen Burtle.

Good Afternoon –

My name is Barbara Durden Davis and I am the daughter of Betty J. Durden.  My oldest brother, Rick Durden is here as is my other brother, David.  Along with David is his wife Loretta and with me are my husband Mark Davis, my daughters Erin and Erika Romar and my granddaughter Kiylah Reed. My first cousin, my mother’s nephew Ron Morden is also here (see family photo above). My brother Rick’s wife, Karen, was going to come but unfortunately was unable to do so at the last minute.

Our Mother, Betty, died on February 20th of this year and my brothers and I are carrying out the wishes she specifically delineated in her will.  But before we make the check presentation, I’d like to tell you a bit about her.

She received her BA in English from Drake in 1948 after having a couple of hiccups in her education due to time spent at the FBI in Washington D.C. in the steno pool and serving as a Yeoman in the WAVES.

She received an MSE in Guidance and Counseling in 1971 and then an Ed.D in 1990 when she was 67 years old.  Both of these were from Drake University.

While she was in a volunteer position at the Des Moines YWCA, she was approached during the summer of 1969 to join Drake University as Director of Women Programs where she was to set up a program of continuing education for women.  She accepted and was appointed Assistant to the Dean of Continuing Education.  She stayed with Drake through 1988 retiring as Director of Human Resources and Special Assistant to the President for Equal Opportunity Programs.

In 1984 she had been honored as a YWCA Woman of the Achievement.

In her “spare” time, she organized and chaired Governor Robert D. Ray’s Commission on the Status of Women, was the State Chair of ERA of Iowa, sat on boards of Interstate Association of Commissions of Status of Women, Children and Families of Iowa, Interfaith Alliance of Iowa, and Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center.

In talking with your Director Emeritus, Ellery Duke, I found out how our Mother began her relationship with Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center.  Although he didn’t remember who had recommended for her to come on the Board, it was her knowledge of personnel issues which made her a valuable asset to Ellery and the Center.  She and the Personnel Committee of the Board reviewed the employment handbook and helped make sure the Center was complying with employment rules and regulations.  Ellery said he relied on her for her expertise in the area of Human Resources.

When her term as a regular board member was coming to an end, she wanted to become a Foundation Board member and did so.  Which she then became the President of.  A former employee here recalls our Mother’s tremendous organizational skills and the follow-up she provided.  She always had an agenda ready for the meeting and provided typed minutes to the Board members thereafter.  Although no longer the President, Mother was an active member of the Foundation Board during the time of the Capital Campaign which resulted in the facility we are in now.   And, fortunately, she was able to live the benefits of this new facility through partaking in the therapy services herself and personally knowing that others were receiving the help they needed.

A little insight into her private life: She had her hair done weekly. She would not go anywhere without her lipstick on.  She had a passion for fine jewelry and Persian rugs.  When most people walk into a room they notice the walls, the furniture and maybe the lighting.  Our mother walked in with her head down, inspecting what covering was on the floors.  She collected teacups and saucers.  She loved eggs made out of all kinds of substances; stone, malachite, porcelain, glass…  She felt that eggs were a representation of life’s renewal.  She studied and educated herself on various religions. Oh, and she was a published author at age 90.  She wrote “Sanity after Seventy, a humorous and poignant look at life in the very mature years….by a woman who is living them.”

At times she was quite haughty and a snob.  She was almost the spitting image of Queen Elizabeth II and in our family, she WAS the Queen. But she was a very loving mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She was an excellent role model for women and she had an adage for us: if you join a group and don’t like how it is run, either quit or take it over!

Our Mother was a huge believer in education and in helping others.  She had a deep sense of faith.  Ellery Duke told me that Mother was especially pleased with Des Moines Pastoral Counseling because of your ability to integrate spirituality and human need.  This bequest to Des Moines Pastoral Counseling was not a last minute decision nor was it made lightly.  I was her attorney for many years and every time we dealt with her estate planning, she made sure that she would be providing for this Center.  And as such, our Mother presents to you a check.

*

For more information about the benefits of estate giving, please visit www.dmpcc.org/legacy.

Oliver’s Story

Terri Speirs on September 29, 2017

Oliver is a thoughtful, curious first grader. With a backpack full of school supplies and a renewed sense of resilience, Oliver is classroom ready. But last year was different. He grew uninterested and aggressive. One day he stood in the middle of his kindergarten classroom and screamed. His worried parents knew he needed professional counseling but they worked multiple jobs and relied on public transit. It seemed impossible to find a qualified children’s counselor on a bus line, plus take unpaid time off from work.

This is where the good news comes in. Oliver’s teacher referred the family to the Center’s new counseling outreach program located in the same building as Oliver’s free afterschool program, in the heart of urban Des Moines. His parents signed him up and Oliver met with his counselor once a week. Oliver found a way to communicate his fears through art and play. His counselor taught him age appropriate methods to work through his anxiety. Now, Oliver is back to school and feeling strong.

We launched the counseling outreach program in February 2017 in partnership with Grace United Methodist Church and Trinity/Los Americas United Methodist Church. Referrals also come from Free Clinics of Iowa and the Des Moines Public Schools. We are excited to grow the program to serve more children like Oliver, and we invite you to join us. Will you please give a gift to help more children and families access quality counseling?

DonateNow

If you have questions or ideas, please contact Terri Speirs, director of development and marketing at (515) 251-6670, [email protected].

Thank you for your consideration!

(Name and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.)

They told me I wasn’t alone – Elizabeth’s story

Terri Speirs on July 12, 2016

Elizabeth images

Depression does not make a distinction of rich or poor, man, woman or child, yet it can have the same tragic outcome: suicide. However depression is treatable and people can experience the fullness of life. As an example, we offer the story of one of our clients, Elizabeth. (Shared with permission. We’ve changed the name and identifying details to protect privacy.)

If you saw Elizabeth today, you would see a beaming mother of two little boys, embracing the joy and challenges of a growing family along with her husband. But it wasn’t always that way. Life was bleak for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth has suffered anxiety and depression since she was a young girl, starting therapy in third grade. Her fears were so dark she didn’t know if she would succeed in school, enter the workforce or continue to live. Psychiatric medication helped curb her mental anguish yet after she married she faced an impossible choice: having children or maintaining health. Elizabeth imagined her life with prescription medication would hurt the baby, and her life without meds might end.

Elizabeth came to the Center during this time of grave discernment. She met with a licensed counselor and the Center’s psychiatry physician assistant (PA). They all worked together to create a treatment plan. Elizabeth learned that there are safe medication options, if she and her husband decided to start a family. They did, and Elizabeth’s clinical team walked with them every step of the way.

The children are now one and three years old. Elizabeth is a working mother and tends to her self-care. Elizabeth continues treatment with her psychiatry PA and speaks fondly of her: “She tells me ‘happy, healthy mommy means happy, healthy baby.’”

Elizabeth is one of more than 4,000 individuals assisted annually at the Center. Approximately 35 percent of our clinical clients utilize a sliding pay scale, thanks to generous donations.

“They told me I wasn’t alone,” said Elizabeth about her clinical team. “They said I wasn’t the only one who experiences this.”

The healing power of counseling

Terri Speirs on November 24, 2015

Ellery and Marsha Duke, and a few of their friends, offered a $2,000 challenge grant to match any size contribution, dollar-for-dollar on #GivingTuesday, lauching the Center’s end of the year campaign to raise awareness and funds for quality counseling. Why?

Ellery and Marsha Duke

Ellery and Marsha Duke

Both Marsha and I believe in the healing power of counseling for the many persons struggling with life’s challenges…many of them with limited financial resources.

That’s why we have invited some friends to join us in offering a $2,000 challenge grant for the #GivingTuesday campaign. We will match any size contribution you make, dollar-for-dollar, until a challenge goal of $4,000 is met.

Why are we doing this? Because the Center offers a safe and nurturing environment for healing and hope. At this time of year it is more important than ever. Grief does not take a holiday. 

Please join us today #GivingTuesday in making a donation to the Center, to ensure hope and healing to all in need. ~ Ellery Duke

The Duke’s match challenge was met beyond expectations, thanks to compassionate donors who gave $9,450 on #GivingTuesday. Your contribution is critical to support quality mental health services in our community.

  DonateNow