Men’s Mental Health Matters: Breaking Barriers, Building Support and Redefining Strength

Guest Contributor on July 28, 2025

Guest Blog Author, Elena Gentry

June celebrates Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, a great time to challenge the societal norms of what it means to be male and encourage vulnerability. Yes, this blog comes a month later, but Mind and Spirit Counseling Center still firmly believes in the importance of self-expression to live a fulfilling life and we say men’s mental health matters. In June, we interviewed several clinicians and Dr. Jim Hayes, our Executive Director and Spiritual Director at the Center, about mental health and why males are less likely to seek treatment.

According to Dr. Mark Thomas, mental health is an emotional reaction to how we process the world. Unfortunately, boys are taught from a young age not to express their emotions because it is not “manly”. This is problematic because, “you can’t just put a Band-Aid on mental health. You have to address what the child is doing or trying to process on their own. It’s hard for them to understand what’s going on internally.” It is harder for children to process emotions because their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed so it is less effective in regulating intense feelings. Therefore, a child told to suppress emotions of vulnerability may face altered brain activity, heightened stress response, or impaired emotional regulation skills.

Dr. Doug Aupperle explained why it is natural for the body to express vulnerability. The brain responds to trauma by going into stress mode and activating fight, flight, or freeze. However, because society teaches many boys not to express emotions, they may turn an acceptable feeling into an unwanted response. For example, demonstrating the feeling of anger with a violent reaction. Feelings are messengers telling the body how the brain is processing a stimulus. It is crucial children are taught how to process emotions and that it is okay to express them. As many boys and young men fall victim to society’s expectations of them, teenage boys and young men are 2.5 times more likely to attempt suicide than women in their age group. This likelihood drastically increases for boys with marginalized identities.

The two psychologists gave advice for improving boys’ mental health. A common technique for children is play therapy because it helps children work through feelings by problem-solving and building self-esteem. Mind and Spirit Counseling Center offers several play therapy spaces such as our bean bag room or art room.

Dr. Aupperle said the most important thing a child can have is support. Before telling a child to change their behavior, their feelings must be acknowledged. They will be more receptive to changing their behavior if their feelings causing the action are heard. He ended by quoting neuroscientist Dr. Robyn Gobbel. “Regulated, connected kids who feel safe behave well.”

It is important to redefine society’s perception of “appropriate” male behavior early in life because it is harder for men to act against gender norms if they were not taught to do so young. In a joint interview with Licensed Independent Social Worker, Dick Douglass, and Executive Director, Dr. Jim Hayes, we discussed men’s mental health.

We began by discussing relationships. Dr. Hayes said women find it easier than men to make friends because they are more likely to admit when they need support. When men mask their emotions, they find it more difficult to make quality and meaningful friendships. Dick stated it is crucial to build a community of loved ones around you. According to the Iowa Department of Public Health, in 2020, men were 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide than women. In Iowa, farming is the occupation with the greatest prevalence of suicide. Support makes it easier to overcome adversity. For example, grief groups are a great option after a traumatic experience.

Dr. Hayes encouraged connecting with individuals each day. He advised starting small such as in line at the cash register or with a waitress at the restaurant. Work your way up to joining a group for something you’re interested in or to help you with a problem in your life. Most importantly, be okay with being uncomfortable.

Finally, therapy is a great option. As Dick noted, “The fundamental power of therapy is the relationship that forms between the therapist and the client. And if there’s that high level of trust and understanding, then that’s likely to be very helpful for the client.” The therapist can help the patient reframe their mindset. With a clinician’s help the patient can discover how to improve their outlook on a situation and focus on what brings them joy in life.

As Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month has come to a close, we are reminded of the urgent need to challenge outdated gender norms and create safe spaces for boys and men to express their emotions. From childhood development to adult relationships, vulnerability plays a vital role in emotional well-being. Through insights from our clinicians and leadership at Mind and Spirit Counseling Center, it’s clear that emotional support, connection, and access to therapy can profoundly impact men’s mental health. By redefining what it means to be strong, we can empower more men to seek healing, build meaningful relationships, and live more fulfilling lives.

Mark Thomas, Predoctoral Psychology Intern at Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Dr. Mark Thomas
Predoctoral Psychology Intern Graduate (2024-2025)

Doug Aupperle, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Dr. Doug Aupperle
Licensed Psychologist & Health Service Provider in Psychology
Read bio here

Dick Douglass, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Dick Douglass
Retired Licensed Independent Social Worker

Jim Hayes, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center

Dr. Jim Hayes
Executive Director and Spiritual Director
Read bio here

Together, We Can Make a Difference.

Rachel Degen on November 6, 2024

A heartfelt letter written by our 2024 Women Helping Women Honoree and Author, Carol Bodensteiner. We’re grateful Carol chose Mind & Spirit Counseling Center as part of her journey.

Dear Friends,

If you’re anything like me, you believe that you should be able to handle whatever life throws your way. We all know there will be bumps in the road, but even when we stumble, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start again.

This mindset comes naturally to me. From my English heritage, I inherited the traits of a ‘stiff upper lip’ and the determination to ‘keep calm and carry on.’ From my German roots, I acquired the ability to work hard and solve my own problems. These values have served me well throughout my life—through a successful career, raising a son, and navigating the ups and downs of marriage and divorce. No challenge seemed insurmountable if I just kept moving forward.

But life has a way of testing us, sometimes beyond our limits.

When my mother passed away in August 2007, it was a shock, but at 91, her death felt natural. However, less than nine months later, my sister died by suicide, and I was knocked off balance. Within the next 18 months, I lost two close cousins and my aunt. My marriage also hit a rough patch. The weight of so much loss in such a short time, coupled with the strain on my marriage, shook me to my core. I began to question everything—my faith, my values, and even my own identity.

Despite it all, I believed I could still manage on my own. I thought if I just put one foot in front of the other, I could keep going. But I wasn’t okay. When my husband suffered a serious injury, I realized I couldn’t take it anymore. Life had become overwhelming, and I was at my breaking point.

In a rare moment of vulnerability, I confided in a friend, who recommended the Mind & Spirit Counseling Center. Although I had known about the Center for years, counseling had never been my first choice. It wasn’t the way I was raised. But I had nothing left, and I knew it was time to seek help.

From the moment I walked through the doors of the Center, I was met with compassion and understanding. My counselor was soft-spoken and caring, guiding me through my present-day struggles while helping me unpack the deeper issues from my past. Week after week, session after session, she provided a safe space for me to cry, reflect, and heal.

As a writer, I process my emotions through words, and I brought that into my counseling sessions. With a notebook on my lap and pen in hand, I recorded my thoughts, even as tears blurred the ink. My counselor’s gentle questions helped me examine my own experiences and provided me with the perspective I desperately needed. Over time, I began to find my footing again.

I am deeply grateful to the Mind & Spirit Counseling Center for being my safe haven during the darkest time of my life. Their talented counselors provide a lifeline to so many who, like me, reach a point where we can’t go it alone, no matter how strong or independent we believe ourselves to be.

As the year comes to a close, I invite you to join me in supporting the Mind & Spirit Counseling Center. Your generous donation will ensure that this beacon of hope continues to shine for those who need it most. Together, we can make a profound difference in the lives of others who find themselves at a crossroads, searching for the strength to carry on.

With heartfelt gratitude,

Carol Bodensteiner, 2024 Women Helping Women Honoree and Author sends a heartfelt letter of gratitude.

Carol Bodensteiner is a public relations professional with over two decades of experience in the marketing industry. After leaving agency life, Carol embarked on a successful writing career, authoring several books, including a memoir and novels depicting life in Iowa. A long-time supporter of the Center, she has served on the Women Helping Women committee for several years, including as a co-chair. Carol is passionate about helping others succeed through initiatives supporting literacy and language by serving as an adult ELL teacher for Oakridge Neighborhood and reading to children through the United Way Book Buddy Program. In her free time, she participates in two book clubs and savors time on her acreage with her husband, David, and with her son’s family, who visit often.

Visit carolbodensteiner.com for more details about Carol and her work as an author.

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Executive Director’s Blog: Juneteenth

Jim Hayes on June 12, 2024

Jim Hayes, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center
Jim Hayes, Executive Director

On June 19 we acknowledge and observe Juneteenth, a holiday that commemorates the day that the end of slavery was announced in Galveston, Texas on June 19, 1865. Juneteenth has been celebrated by the Black community since the late 1800s. Juneteenth represents freedom and justice for Black Americans, and in recognition of that it is appropriate for us to pause and reflect on how important ending structural racism and promoting mental health equity is for the Black community, other communities of color, and our society at large.

For my newsletter reflections this month I’m stitching together a number of different citations and resources to help us deepen our understanding of this holiday and its relation to our mission.

What Is Juneteenth?

Juneteenth is a holiday celebrated on June 19th to honor the emancipation of enslaved people in the United States. The holiday can be traced to Galveston, Texas, where approximately 2,000 troops arrived on June 19, 1865, and announced the freedom of more than 250,000 enslaved Black people in Texas. Before this day, some people remained enslaved despite the Emancipation Proclamation, which was passed in 1863 to free slaves in the U.S. In places still under Confederate control – which included Galveston, Texas – many people remained enslaved until the end of the Civil War in 1865.

On January 1, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation declaring all enslaved people free. But it was more than two years later, on June 19, 1865, when General Gordon Granger arrived in Texas to inform enslaved Black people there that they were in fact “free.” Texas was the last state in the Confederacy to receive word that the Civil War had ended, and slavery had been abolished. Of course, what followed that day was an ongoing series of efforts to continue denying Black Americans their freedom and ultimately their humanity.

On June 17, 2021, President Biden signed a bill declaring Juneteenth a federal holiday

The holiday is the undeterred and celebratory response to systemic oppression. Juneteenth also relates to another event, Black History Month, which strives to celebrate the contributions and acknowledge the sacrifices made by African Americans. Juneteenth is a declaration of Black humanity and identity. An identity that directly informs mental health and well-being. We decided in 2020 to make Juneteenth one of the annual holidays during which the Center is closed. There are intimate connections between this holiday and our mission of providing quality mental health services. The holiday gives us a chance to step back and reflect on how we might improve any gaps in our services.

Racial Inequity in Mental Health Care

Resilience. Joy. Community. Liberation. There are an infinite number of concepts wrapped up in this holiday. However, underscoring all of those is one fundamental idea that gives rise to all the others:

Humanity.

With history in mind, Juneteenth is an opportunity to point out and condemn modern examples of racial inequity in all areas of life – including mental health care. These injustices persist in the U.S. and elsewhere, and as advocates for equity, we must remember that the end of slavery did not mark the end of all racial injustice.

In the context of mental health, the difference between equity and equality influences our ability to support people of all backgrounds, especially those who belong to racial and ethnic minority groups. For some of us, Juneteenth may be one of the few days of the year when we openly discuss this distinction – but for lasting change, these discussions must continue past June.

Based on national details gathered by the American Psychological Association (APA), people from racial and ethnic minority groups are less likely to receive mental health care. In 2015, they found that among adults with a mental illness, 48% of white people received mental health services, compared to 31% of Black and Hispanic people and 22% of Asians.

Racial discrimination as well as cultural norms can prevent people from getting quality mental health care. Our cultural upbringings shape our perspectives on mental illness, and in some cultures, mental illness is more stigmatized and may be viewed as a source of shame, rather than a legitimate health concern.

Though we do our best to avoid inequity in our services, we must acknowledge that in many mental health settings cultural nuances are often complicated by racism itself. Care providers are much more likely to diagnose Black American clients with schizophrenia and overlook the symptoms of major depression, compared to their treatment of clients with other racial or ethnic backgrounds. Similarly, Black children are over-diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder relative to white peers, which promotes poorer educational and health outcomes.

Research clearly demonstrates the impacts of racial discrimination on healthcare and long-term wellbeing. Juneteenth might occur just once a year, but it’s an enduring reminder that racial equity is both a historical and modern-day issue, and it impacts all dimensions of a human life.

What Does Mental Health Equity Look Like?

Mental health equity looks like equitable, fair reach to quality mental health care: a vision that can only be achieved through structural changes. By considering the U.S.’s historical background and diverse cultural makeup, we can restructure programs and services that support mental health equity.

In pursuit of this vision, many clinicians, researchers, and politicians are working toward the following structural changes:

• Promoting culturally responsive care
• Integrating mental health care into primary care
• Increasing funding for the education and ongoing training of mental health professionals
• Making mental health care more affordable and customizable to individuals’ budgets

Concern for these inequities undergird some foundational objectives in our future strategy at the Center. Our goal is to have the demographics of the people we serve match the demographics of Central Iowa as closely as possible. The first steps in this strategy include increased diversity in our board and staff so that we have leaders within the organization who understand what it takes to achieve such a lofty demographic goal.

We need to go beyond our internal strategies in order to seek some practical ways to celebrate Juneteenth and reflect on our individual and collective responsibilities to effect positive social change. For now, here is a link to some events to celebrate Juneteenth in Central Iowa:

https://www.iowajuneteenth.org/events.html

Ways to seek change on Juneteenth and beyond

Juneteenth is central to Black American mental health and well-being because it’s defined by Black humanity and liberation. It’s a part of Black identity formation. So, for those of us who want to honor the day and help safeguard and celebrate that humanity, what should we do? Here are three simple guidelines for supporting Black mental health in honor of Juneteenth:

  1. Listen to Black Voices. Juneteenth is about centering and celebrating Black liberation and the Black American experience. Seek out rallies, articles, stories, artwork, poetry readings, music and social media accounts and Black-owned businesses that offer rich, authentic Black perspectives to learn from.
  2. Respect Black Spaces. Juneteenth isn’t just a Black holiday. It’s an American holiday. It’s a date that is part of our history and that every American should learn about and honor. However, for those of us who are not Black—especially white people—it’s important to remember that supporting Black mental health means not dominating or appropriating Black voices and spaces. Work to bolster, not burden. Aim to amplify, not invade.
  3. Learn Your History. Honoring Juneteenth and respecting Black identity means working to fill the significant gaps in our knowledge of American history. Look for documentaries, books, workshops, professional development seminars and other educational opportunities that will challenge your understanding and beliefs as they relate to race in America.

And finally, stop to think about the meaning behind the different holidays we do or don’t acknowledge and why, and how those inclusions and omissions affect the mental health and identity development of those who are celebrated or omitted as a result. Frederick Douglass’ “Fourth of July” speech is a great place to start.

Juneteenth is a day of celebration, community, and reflection. This June, take an opportunity to pause and notice the systems of privilege and oppression around you. With time and self-education, we can begin dismantling these systems by committing to our mental health, investing in our communities, and choosing to celebrate and uplift one another, all of which connect directly to our mission at the Mind and Spirit Counseling Center.

A blessed holiday to you and yours,

Jim

Executive Director’s Blog: Black History Month

Jim Hayes on February 19, 2024

Jim Hayes, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center
Jim Hayes, Executive Director

I recently attended an event celebrating Black History Month, and one of the organizers concluded with the admonishment: “Every month is black history month.”

It got me thinking. Thinking often leads me to internet research, where I explored the history of “Black History Month” a bit further.

As I continued chasing new thoughts and insights, I noticed a theme each year during these February celebrations. Here’s the theme for 2024:

Since 1976, every American president has designated February as Black History Month and endorsed a specific theme.

The Black History Month 2024 theme, “African Americans and the Arts,” explores the key influence African Americans have had in the fields of “visual and performing arts, literature, fashion, folklore, language, film, music, architecture, culinary and other forms of cultural expression.”

Which brings me back to the event I attended at the Varsity Cinema. An artistic celebration of a documentary film directed by Craig Farley, Jr.: Through the Lens: Black Visionaries on Mental Wellness. The project was born of a cohort of the African American Leadership Academy, sponsored by The Directors Council. If you don’t know their work, it’s worth a visit.

The Directors Council, in their own words:

As a coalition of leaders, The Directors Council seeks to improve the conditions of the individuals in the neighborhoods we serve. We pool our collective expertise to develop programs and launch unique initiatives that meet unaddressed needs. 

How does all this relate to our work at the Center? Some of the visionaries highlighted in this project include Kayla Bell-Consolver and Breanne Ward. Kayla led us in some training around the effects of racism and generational trauma a couple of years back. It gave our therapists numerous insights about how to address such issues for clients therapeutically. Breanne has served on our board and continues to inspire us on how we might best serve our community, particularly if we want to be a welcoming place for communities of color.

The documentary struck me in many ways. What does mental wellness mean, given the diversity of definitions based on our communities of origin? How does stigma affect diverse communities? What are the resources for mental wellness beyond professional therapy? What is the role each of us offers when it comes to the well-being of others?

Lots to ponder—and the documentary was only 38 minutes!

One of our strategic objectives at the Center is that the demographics of the people we serve match the demographics of Central Iowa. We stand with The Directors Council, looking to explore and develop programs that meet unaddressed needs. To do this, we need to focus on hospitality and being present to our community to be a trusted resource for the many communities represented in our neighborhoods

It’s nice to have a reminder in February of the many contributions made by the African American community to improve mental health and wellness. As a wise person told me recently, such acknowledgment isn’t just for one month, but every month.

Be well,
Jim

Executive Director’s Blog: Transformational Love

Jim Hayes on March 24, 2023

Jim Hayes, Mind & Spirit Counseling Center
Jim Hayes, Executive Director

Our mission is to walk with people through counseling and education to find hope and healing—and to live a fulfilling life.

All people.

Early on in my time at the Center, I had a conversation with an esteemed therapist who described the importance of how the healing process happens here. I was told that we’re not here to fix people, but to meet them where they are and then walk together–to accompany them as they navigate the challenges they are facing at that moment in time. We don’t diagnose what’s broken and needs to be fixed. The people we serve are God’s children, imbued with dignity, who need loving presence and care.

All people.

Another important part of our mission is to help as many people as possible regardless of their ability to pay. All our stakeholders wish we could help more as the needs are great and access to mental health services has been an ongoing crisis for too long.

One group we support in our mission includes clients working through issues of gender and sexual orientation/identity. I admire the courage they show as they work on questions of understanding, accepting and living their core, true selves despite how the world may view and treat them. Their stories of resilience in the face of fear, confusion and adversity are inspiring.

The struggles are real. I’m happy the Center and others in the healing profession can be there for those in need of expert companions, especially kids who have challenges in abundance these days. The reality of such struggles often leads to tragic outcomes. If you’re not aware of The Trevor Project, check out their website:

Facts About Suicide Among LGBTQ+ Young People
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/
  • Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 24 (Hedegaard, Curtin, & Warner, 2018) — and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth are at significantly increased risk.
  • LGBTQ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers (Johns et al., 2019; Johns et al., 2020).
  • The Trevor Project estimates that more than 1.8 million LGBTQ youth (13-24) seriously consider suicide each year in the U.S. — and at least one attempts suicide every 45 seconds.
  • The Trevor Project’s 2022 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health found that 45% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth.

It’s not an easy read. The numbers of this tragedy are stark.

It’s not a big leap to tie a culture of fear, bullying, and the need to separate and blame the “other” to what Pope Saint John Paul II called a “Culture of Death.” Against such hatred and injustice we are all called to struggle alongside those to whom the hatred is directed. Such support is especially true for those whose values and traditions mandate them to love their neighbors as themselves.

If you want to dig even deeper in research, give this a read:

https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/opinion/columnists/iowa-view/2023/03/19/lgbtq-identity-research-shows-harms-legislation-could-cause/70016181007/

I support these colleagues, mental health professional experts in training, science and research, who recognize how important affirming care is for the population. We are the professionals who deal in reality, not politics nor polls or faulty rhetoric. The hope is to keep the kids alive until they are old enough to sort out the questions of identity. Every day we offer hope and healing as we know that for many kids and adults, the culture offers despair so deep that the only option they can see to end the pain is to take their own lives tragically. The culture wars are not a playground.

I wish we all could enter the sacred space of the offices and the relationships our therapists share with their clients. That everyone,

All people,

Could listen to the raw stories of the harvest of what the seeds bullying, sectarianism and hatred produce. Could listen to the experience of the trauma resulting from being rejected by families, faith communities and civic leaders sworn to protect them. Could listen to the stories of other human beings who are struggling to understand themselves and what it means to be loved–the same struggles we all share.

All people.

Jim

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion at the Center

Kelsey Davis on January 16, 2023

As we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. this month, the Center would like to reiterate our ongoing commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion with the announcement of our diversity statement, adopted by our Board of Directors:

“The Mind and Spirit Counseling Center is committed to creating a diverse and inclusive community for our clients and employees. We recognize that diversity and inclusion of age, gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, religion and disabilities will enhance our ability to honor our core values of equity, respect, compassion, and creating accessibility to high-quality services for all.”

Beyond a formal statement, the Center also has an active Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) Committee that was formed in the summer of 2020. Soon after the formation, trainings and other goals were set up to help staff, the Center and the community grow, learn and be more inclusive. The committee quickly broadened their goal to include other types of diversity in addition to race.

Doug Detrick, a Licensed Independent Social Worker at the Center, currently heads our DEI Committee. In his own words, he explains why DEI work is important and the action steps the committee has taken so far:

Since the DEI Committee was formed, the Committee and the Center have accomplished a lot, but the work is not finished. As a social worker, I feel naturally drawn to issues involving diversity, equity and inclusion, as well as social and economic justice. I have participated in various ways to promote them. I got into social work due to things I went through in my early life and how they profoundly affected my view on helping others. I just finished putting together a class on Moral Injury and it allowed me to, again, reflect on what I felt growing up as a mixed-race individual in a predominantly white, south side of Des Moines in the 1960s.

I cannot comment on what it was like to grow up in that environment as a person of color, as someone with a physical or mental disability, or as an LGBTQ+ individual as my features are Caucasian, Non-Hispanic. However, looking back, I remember feeling shame and fear about what if someone finds out about me or my family. I remember feeling fear of speaking out if I saw a person being mistreated because of color, disability, sexual orientation, or hearing a racial slur or joke and feeling angry at myself that I did not have the strength to stand up to them or it.

Looking back now, I can see that I suffered moral injury. I have worked hard on myself to heal this wound, but so many others have been grievously injured in this way or more severely with PTSD from everything they have endured throughout their lives.

Part of the work the DEI Committee has done is promoting the staff to read “My Grandmother’s Hands” by Resmaa Menakem, a book about healing racial trauma and healing our society. The book’s self-help exercises and group discussion were extremely therapeutic to me, and I am thankful that it was brought into my life.

I joined the Center at the beginning of the pandemic in April 2020. When the group was being formed, I was just getting to know my co-workers through Zoom meetings. I felt a calling to participate in the group to do my part to promote diversity and equity as part of the Center’s mission and felt the caring and commitment from others to make it happen. As the group formed and solidified, we were able to come up with initiatives that we felt were impactful and continue to work in this direction.

Around this time Billie Wade, MS, a volunteer of the Center, started a book club to read and discuss significant books on equity and diversity that some of us participated in and benefited from the readings and discussions.

 During our early meetings we came up with the following initiatives on 9/21/2020:

  • Establish a book club and review the books and magazines offered within the Center’s waiting rooms.
  • Recognize Juneteenth
  • Evaluate our space to explore how we might be more hospitable to diverse cultures
  • Increase diversity at all levels: clients, board and staff
  • Improve how we obtain demographic data so that we can better understand the diversity of our clients.
  • Review handbooks and bylaws. Edit forms, policies and practices that impact DENI
  • Offer regular training for board and staff. Continue consultation with Nate Harris to inform our future curriculum for trainings
  • Establish a joint committee of board and staff to align objectives with strategy and time-specific improvements in order to embed positive ongoing change in our culture
  • Standing agenda items to reflect on how DENI was part of our conversation during meetings
  • Diminish geographic limitations of the Center’s Urbandale location
  • Make DENI part of current branding study
  • Participate in United Way 21-day challenge
  • Use the equity tool
  • Obtain further trainings from our accrediting agency, the Solihten Institute
  • Reserve time for staff to watch the “American Son” together and discuss their reactions
  • Promote staff to watch Therapy Wisdom: https://therapywisdom.ontralink.com/c/s/CxU/6Aun/v/vv/6nc/6onSHd/vMHOyedHJs/P/P/6W
  • Informational interview within our own networks and bring back the o group for discussion and growth
  • Invite Innovative Counseling to discuss each Center’s work
  • Include diversity discussion at June staff meeting

Many of the items listed above have been completed or are still a work in progress. I believe the DEI Committee has made positive strides to promote diversity and equity at the Center, but we still have a lot of work to do. The Center’s staff and Board of Directors continue to strive to achieve significant goals through the work of all the caring people involved. Our goal is to find funding to bring in speakers for the Center and the community, such as Resmaa Menakem, author of “My Grandmother’s Hands,” or other noted diversity and equity speakers. We promote and encourage staff, board members and members of the community to bring us ideas on how the Center can improve in areas surrounding diversity and equity.

    Billie’s Blog – May 2021

    Terri Speirs on May 11, 2021

    Getting the Hang of Hair, Part 2

    by Billie Wade, guest blogger

    Read “Getting the Hang of Hair, Part 1” here

    (May 2021) — The hair of Black people is malleable into an endless array of styles. So, we have the flexibility of sculpting our hair to fit our mood, a special occasion, a particular outfit, or for easy care. Hairstyling is an art form that plays a significant role in the identity and self-expression of Black people. Our hair shows our pride in our race and our zest for life. Black hairstyles are limited only by the imagination and creativity of the wearer or the wearer’s stylist. Black Americans spend upward of two and a half billion dollars—according to an August 2018 article by CNBC—to color, bleach, cut, grow, curl, straighten, shampoo, condition, tame, let loose, and arrange our hair.

    Black-hair biases and prejudice are very real, as we saw last month, in “Getting the Hang of Hair: Part 1.” In slave times White women whacked off the hair of their Black female servants because it White men became “confused” about which women were free. Our hair and how we manage and care for it is suspect as dirty, unkempt, distracting, faddish, and audacious—and a source of pride of which we are to be denied.

    I previously wore my hair dyed a deep auburn, in short spikes. None of my White coworkers said a word. When I returned to hot-comb-straightened hair, they profusely complimented my new style. Apparently, they did not like the spikes coming out of the natural base. On one occasion, my stylist did not have the color I wanted, so she used a substitute—which she swore would “look really cute” on me. What a hideous result! The only comment came from a White coworker who said, with all the earnestness she could muster, “Billie, your hair is purple.” My White coworkers deemed my hair acceptable when I conformed to their expectations.

    I have worn my hair short and natural for the past twenty-one years after numerous failed attempts to find suitable styles and stylists. Ironically, my hair stylist of the past twenty-one years is White. An instructor asked her beauty school class, “Who wants to learn how to cut Black hair?” She raised her hand. She always confers with me before cutting and follows my directions. I tip her very well.

    Black women are implored, to conform to White dictates, so we have tried everything to create “hair that moves.” Braids, dreadlocks—aka dreads—weaves, extensions, and “cold” perms allow Black people to experience hair that moves in a befitting style. Since the Civil Rights Movement of the sixties and seventies, Black people have become freer and more expressive with our hairstyles. As we saw last month we are routinely punished for our insolence.

    Even Black people debate about hairstyles, especially those who support assimilation. They believe we must do everything we can to conform to White demands and standards. From my vantage point, this approach does not work. Emulation attempts are doomed self-attacks on one’s intrinsic humanity. No matter what we do to our hair, our skin color remains under assault. Other Black people defend the liberation of the full range of articulation of who we are collectively and individually.

    White people scrutinize Black people for evidence of the tiniest violation of whatever rule they are “interpreting” at the moment, any signs of behavior which does not please them, which is often. They set us up to fail by creating lose-lose circumstances. The underlying intentionality of control and annihilation is based in unfounded hatred that results in the myriad tendrils of racism. We are a proud, quiet, gentle people but not according to the stereotypes. We have never asked for more than equal opportunity.

    I, along with other people, long for the day when all people are free to live and to be and to showcase their hair.

    *

    For more blog posts by Billie Wade: www.dmpcc.org/Billie

    3/15/2021 Women’s History Month and the Center

    Paige Franzluebbers on March 15, 2021

    Women’s History Month and the Center

    James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

    Women’s History Month is a celebration of women’s contributions to history, culture and society and has been observed annually in the month of March in the United States since 1987. The United Nations has sponsored International Women’s Day on March 8 since 1975. When adopting its resolution on the observance of International Women’s Day, the United Nations General Assembly cited the following reasons: “To recognize the fact that securing peace and social progress and the full enjoyment of human rights and fundamental freedoms require the active participation, equality and development of women; and to acknowledge the contribution of women to the strengthening of international peace and security.”

    If it is a celebration of women’s contributions to culture, history and society in general, it provides us a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the particular contributions women have made at the Center. In recent meetings, I’ve invited people to narrate how women have made a difference in our work and mission. It’s been inspiring. I won’t list all the names at this point, because I’m sure I’d leave some out. Believe me, the list is long and the stories are moving. The Center would literally not exist were it not for these change agents.

    For this blog I want to focus not on individual names, but on a project directed to the needs of women and the administration of a collaboration that has been led almost exclusively by women. It involves our partnership with:

    L.U.N.A

    Latinas Unidas Por Un Nuevo Amanecer

    (Latinas United for a New Dawn)

    L.U.N.A. Iowa was created in 1999 by a group of survivors who noticed the lack of resources available to the LatinX community in Iowa. Since then L.U.N.A. Iowa has evolved into a state-wide organization with offices in Des Moines and Marshalltown, helping our survivors build a future free of violence. Their mission is to empower, educate, and advocate for survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse in our community. They do this in the hopes that we can build a future free of violence. Domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking is a serious problem in our community that impacts everyone. We must work together in order to educate and protect our families.

    We have partnered with L.U.N.A. to provide counseling services, often in Spanish, to the women and families who have suffered through the trauma of domestic violence. I have heard some of the cases during our consultation time and found myself overwhelmed by the stories as they feel so tragic. And yet, our counselors, especially Alicia Krpan who was instrumental in getting this partnership started, help the clients to find their way back to hope by having the courage to engage in the healing process.

    Our partnership with L.U.N.A. includes sharing the financial burden of providing counseling services regardless of people’s ability to pay. L.U.N.A. receives grants for the services and we have connected with them as a subgrantee. Each time the grant funds run out, we cover the costs through our Client Assistance Fund. Those funds are made possible mostly because of the generosity of our donors. Thank you!

    Melissa Cano-Zelaya, the Executive Director of L.U.N.A., is an incredible and committed leader in the community. Her leadership in this partnership has made a big difference in the lives of so many who are in desperate need of healing. I asked her if she could offer me a quote for this blog, knowing I was highlighting our partnership:

    The current global pandemic has really emphasized the crucial need for mental health services, especially for the most vulnerable populations.  We are very excited to partner once again with DMPCC to offer quality therapeutic services to our clients who are dealing with so much trauma and instability during this unprecedented time.

    Most of the stories involved in this project are known only to those involved in the healing process behind closed doors in confidential settings. Though the rest of us may never know the details, I can assure you that contributions made to the Center are making a big difference in this effort. It is a wonderful example of women working together to combine resources and talents in order to confront an issue that overwhelms everyone at first glance. The ability of all the women involved to lean into the healing process is literally saving lives.

    And this is only one story of how women have made a difference in the 49 years and counting of the Center’s history. There are many more.

    I am grateful for these stories not only in the month of March, but every day. Thanks to all of you for your courage and support. You’re saving lives.

    To read more of Jim’s blogs, click HERE

    Healing is Hard Work

    Jim Hayes on June 10, 2020

    James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

    I am white.

    I am the son of an auto mechanic.

    I witnessed racial violence in my integrated school and it was terrifying.

    I was a first generation college student and athlete.

    I was dumbfounded by racial slurs shouted from stands that were targeted at black friends and team mates.

    My brother, a good man, is a police captain.

    I have benefited from my status as a white male.

    One of my highest values is justice and loving my neighbor—that means everyone.

    I know I am racist in ways I can’t see.

    I am grateful for people who have helped me to grow and gain the insights necessary to make that last statement.

    I have work to do. Would you like to join me?

    We have work to do.

    Just when we thought we might get a handle on one virus, we find ourselves facing the sickness of racism—again. So many thoughts are on my mind as I compose this article, which was not my original topic for the newsletter and blog this month. Many of these thoughts relate to mental health and our mission. We work hard to walk with people so that all might flourish.

    I received this from Robert Johnson, the CEO of our accrediting agency, the Solihten Institute, as he publicly wrestled with the killing of George Floyd:

    As a young therapist, after a particularly difficult week, a mentor pointed out that good therapy, effective therapy, compassionate therapy did not always result with the person or family in front of me feeling relief. Most people seek our help because they are experiencing inextinguishable pain. Their plea, their expectation is that we will douse the flames of their emotional injury as quickly as possible. All too often, he explained, out of a desire to be helpful, we cooperate with this misguided strategy.

    There are moments in the course of therapy when our most empathic and ethical response is to provide the support and safe environment where our clients can tolerate living with the discomfort of confusion and ambiguity. This can be as difficult for us as is it for our clients. Giving in to these pleas for relief leads to convenient interventions with quick but also short-term analgesic effects. Rather than genuine healing, we become unintentional partners in the perpetuation of harmful, and in extreme cases disastrous cycles of emotional, physical, and spiritual injury.

    The work we have to do as individuals and as a nation has no easy fix and is certainly not going to make us comfortable. But I believe hope and healing are possible.

    The questions, the discomfort, the therapy, and the call to action we must lean into include:

    • Are we willing to face our implicit biases?
    • How can we seek out conversations with those of different skin tone, gender, financial status, religious or sexual preference to understand their perspectives and experiences? We have discovered that many of these people are performing essential and dangerous services, making them most at risk in the age of pandemic. After such an encounter, reflect:
    • What was it like to sit with this person?
    • What did I learn that can become an action for good?
    • Do I regret any part of the conversation?
    • Were there moments when I was concerned I might say something offensive?
    • What surprised you? Affirmed you?
    • What is the next best step for following up with this person?
    • Am I willing to explore my own story through another lens by reading some books on racism? Here’s a list recommended by the Des Moines Public Library:
    • Can I knock on doors accessible to me because of my status, and apply pressure in order to begin honest conversations about equity and inclusion in our community?

    Healing begins when each of us takes responsibility.

    Thank you for helping us to carry out our mission of sustaining hope in times of despair and bringing healing where there is pain. We are in this together and we have work to do.

    COVID-19 Resources

    Terri Speirs on March 16, 2020

    More than a year and half after the initial onset, the pandemic continues to evolve and impact our lives in different ways. Many of us experience ongoing challenges and stress as a result.

    Please check back often for helpful resources related to COVID-19 and mental health that have been vetted by our clinicians.

     

    Current COVID-19 Information & Resources

    Human Interest

    • At Last: Hugs – (May 2021) Center psychologist and former executive director, Ellery Duke, and others were featured in the New York Times to highlight post-vaccination family reunions.

    Resources to Cope with Anxiety

    C.O.O.L. Resources for Children and Families

    Online Recovery Groups

     

    Resources from the Center’s Spiritual Directors