A mighty thaw

Terri Speirs on January 10, 2018

James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

January 2018 – A reflection by Jim Hayes, Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center.

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Winter 2018 certainly struck with a sudden and wicked fury. It’s cold! We closed the Center and 2017 on the afternoon of 29 December, heading home to celebrate the New Year long holiday weekend and the great work that happened here during the year.

When we returned to the Center after the holiday, we quickly discovered that long weekends, still water and frigid temperatures don’t blend well. Our sewer pipe had frozen over the weekend and the backup into our drains was hardly a delightful way to welcome the New Year. Many on our team quickly transitioned from the mundane to crisis mode.

There must be a lesson in this, I thought to myself.

The thought rose as I was fulfilling that part of a job description that most employees dread: “Other duties as assigned.” It was midnight and I was spending some quality time with a qualified employee from a sewer service. It was hard, cold and unpleasant work—but it needed to be done. Interesting what a simple pleasure it is to hear water flowing again after a few hours of wrestling with an ice dam. I was giddy knowing that we were once again operational and ready for our highly trained staff to help others on their path to understanding, hope and healing.

What did I learn from this? I thought to myself?

Many of the clients we serve are stuck in the mundane and not recognizing blocked emotions or negative thoughts that keep them from “flow,” living a full life. Then it happens, a crisis which renders the status quo untenable. Thankfully, through the advice of loved ones or learned referral services, they find their way to the Center and our qualified staff. Then the hard work begins. It can often lead to exploration of cold and dark places. Sometimes it is so unpleasant, that they are tempted to give up. Then it happens. Through teamwork and shared responsibility in the healing process a trickle of hope leads to a mighty thaw and flowing, lively waters. Call it wellness, well-being, a full life or whatever image or words work for you.

I just know it’s inspiring work and I’m grateful to be a part of this story.

Thank you for all you do to engage in our mission. I hope your connection to this special place regularly provides life lessons for you and yours.

May your 2018 be full of joy and blessings.

Jim

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More blog posts from Jim Hayes here: www.dmpcc.org/Jim

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It’s been a great year

Terri Speirs on December 12, 2017

James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

December 2017 – A reflection by Jim Hayes, Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center.

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It’s been a great year.

December 5, 2016 I began my tenure at the executive director of the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center (DMPCC). I had the privilege of two weeks of sitting at the feet of Ellery Duke who served this institution for forty years. He didn’t quite impart all his wisdom in that time, but had a plane ticket, so had to depart for warmer climes on December 23, 2016. The way I see it, my tenure really began once everyone returned from holiday break on January 3, 2017.

It’s been a great year.

How do I capture all that is good about this place? It’s been a whirlwind for me personally and professionally, so putting my thoughts into a tidy box of memories hardly seems fair. One construct that works for me is all that we learned undergoing a strategic planning process ably led by our consultant Sheri Vohs, thanks to a generous grant from the Community Foundation of Greater Des Moines. During the process, we explored the “Value Proposition” of our work here at the Center. Let me reflect a bit on how I have witnessed one of those values lived out in the day to day lives of the many people connected to our organization.

People. It is clear to me on a daily basis that this place is special because of the people involved in our organization. It starts with our clients. They are courageous. They accept the responsibility of vulnerability in order to face whatever it takes to work on hope and healing in their lives. There are often stigmas to our work. These folks testify to the brokenness that is a part of each of us and that it’s ok to own the limitations and contingency of our lives and that by doing so in the context of a safe environment, we can all live more fully. Wow, that was a long sentence, read it again! One comment that came up during the planning process is that we meet people where they are and not as a problem that needs to be fixed–as a person who just needs someone to walk with them. We respect the people who come through our door and the values they bring with them. We love them rather than manage their issues. That’s a high bar and an important value added to our community.

People in our organization are talented. Clinicians, spiritual directors and all our staff live out our mission to bring understanding hope and healing to others each day. The quality of our staff and the diversity of our services make this place hum with activity. There is a tremendous amount of intellectual curiosity around this place. Folks are always trying to figure out how to get better. Our value of trying to serve as many people as possible regardless of ability to pay requires great sacrifice of time and resources. I am inspired by the commitment of my colleagues and have learned much from them in my first year. I thank them for grace and patience as we all grow as leaders in this field.

The value of people in our organization stretches well beyond the confines of this building. There are many stakeholders that contribute to our success: volunteers, friends, donors, foundations, politicians and anyone who recommends to a friend or family member that we can help. I have enjoyed meeting many of you and look forward to meeting many more. Thank you!

All of you contribute to other values that we had a hard time naming. Words like peaceful, holistic, and spirit came up. When pushed to the limit of words, I often resort to stories. As I head out of this place for a meeting or engagement in the community, I often hold the door for someone entering the Center and say hello. I respect their privacy and don’t make much small talk. There is still a connection, at least for me. I know that regardless of why they are here, for counseling, spiritual direction, scheduling a future appointment, addressing a question about a bill,  a class, a prescription re-fill, or any other number of reasons, I know they will encounter someone who cares. I like to think they will leave this place with a stronger sense of peace; that whatever strategy for healing is necessary, their whole story (body, mind and spirit) will be taken into account; that their spirit will be lifted up as a result of their time with us.

Knowing that I work in a place that does that kind of work brings me great joy, along with a healthy dose of humility and privilege. Thank you, all of you, for all you do to make it possible to carry on this crucial mission.

It’s been a great year.

I can’t wait for an even better 2018.

Jim

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More blog posts from Jim Hayes here: www.dmpcc.org/Jim

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If you are still making end of year philanthropy decisions, please consider helping children, teens and adults who need access to mental health counseling and education.DonateNow

Meet board member Shirley Poertner

Terri Speirs on December 12, 2017

Shirley Poertner, a member of the Center’s Board of Directors

The Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center is grateful for our volunteer, community-based board of directors. They give generously of their time, talents and treasures to advance the mission of understanding, hope and healing. Why? One board member, Shirley Poertner, agreed to share about herself and her motivations. Thank you, Shirley!

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What are your hobbies?  travel, mystery novels, gardening, walking with my dog, Cooper

What is your professional background? I worked in banking for ten years before taking corporate positions at Meredith Corporation and DuPont Pioneer. I formed a management consulting firm in 1994 and for twenty years, offered leadership development, executive coaching , and strategic planning services. The last ten years of my professional career, I was an Associate of VitalSmarts LLC in Provo, UT and marketed, sold and delivered workshops based on the New York Times bestselling book, Crucial Conversations.

Tell us about your educational background: I have a teaching degree from NE MO State University (…now Truman U) and a Master’s in adult education from Drake University.

How did you get involved with the Center’s Board of Directors? I had used the Center’s services over the last fifteen years, donated annually, and I knew a number of the Center’s staff and board members. I had always thought the Center would be a wonderful place to contribute by sharing some of my professional skills. When my name was mentioned as a potential board member and I was contacted, I immediately said, “Yes!”

What do you find most inspiring about the Center’s mission? The most inspiring aspect of the Center for me is its spiritually integrated counseling and its focus on holistic healing and self-discovery. The Center’s services that I tapped into in the early 2000’s literally changed my life, enriching my perspective on who I am and what I have to offer the world.

What would you like others to know about the Center? I’d like others to know what a unique place the Center is, its diversity of services, its inclusiveness and accessibility. We don’t turn anyone away who is in need of healing, offering a sliding fee schedule and assistance funds.

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If you are still making end of year philanthropy decisions, please consider helping children, teens and adults who need access to mental health counseling and education. DonateNow

Heath Tip: Coping with Illness during the Holidays

Terri Speirs on November 29, 2017

Dr. Christine Dietz

By Christine A. Dietz, Ph.D., L.I.S.W., Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

 

Living with cancer or a chronic illness is challenging at the best of times, but especially during the winter holidays. Although it may be a joyful time of year, when we are ill we may feel too tired, depressed or anxious to celebrate. We may also feel overwhelmed with expectations (ours or others’) to do everything we’ve always done. We may feel obligated to be happy and cheerful while feeling sad and scared inside. How can we celebrate a meaningful holiday season while dealing with illness?

Holidays are “holy” days – days of holiness and days of wholeness, days to which we bring our whole selves. The words “holiness” and “wholeness” are connected in many languages, as are the words “wholeness” and “wellness.” Holiness means bringing our whole selves to whatever we are doing, from whatever state of wellness we are in at present. If we need to receive more than give at a particular time, then wholeness means acknowledging that and making decisions and plans that reflect our needs to receive as well as give.

The winter holidays take place at the solstice, when the days have reached their shortest point and light begins to increase.  One meaning of these holidays is to celebrate light in darkness, the turn from the darkest days toward ever increasing light. This is expressed in different ways in different religious traditions – by lighting candles, celebrating the solstice or the newness of birth. These holidays bring attention to the coexistence of both light and darkness. Making room for that both/and thinking can help us celebrate meaningful holidays while dealing with illness. Maybe we can be both tired and grateful for the love of family. Maybe we can participate in a holiday celebration and also attend to needs for rest and quiet. By being mindful of our needs and experiences in each moment, we will be better able to determine how we want to participate in holiday celebrations.

As you consider how you want to celebrate this year, it is helpful to think about what these holidays mean to you. You may want to reflect on some or all of the following questions:

  1. What is special about this holiday for you?
  2. What are its most important aspects?
  3. What family or personal traditions are most meaningful to you in this holiday?
  4. What do you need from this holiday this year?
  5. What balance would you like to achieve between giving and receiving? What would you like to give? What would you like to receive?
  6. How might you bring holiness into this holiday?

Holidays can be stressful, even when they are very meaningful. This can be particularly true when you or a loved one is dealing with cancer or another chronic illness. When we are depressed or anxious, the holidays can be a time of dread, especially when we have high expectations that we feel unable to meet. Allow time for rest and reflection as well as time to be with whatever painful feelings arise during this time. Take extra care to find a supportive person with whom to share these feelings. Try to cultivate a both/and perspective: I can feel sad AND loving at the same time; I may be anxious AND I can still enjoy this holiday music/event/tradition, etc. And avoid overdoing – overspending, overexerting, over-expecting.

Here are some things to consider as the holidays approach:

  1. Focus on the most meaningful aspects and traditions of the holiday. Develop your own rituals, such as a gratitude practice or sharing meaningful stories and memories, to celebrate these moments.
  2. Don’t try to make this holiday season exactly the same in previous years – adapt your celebration to fit your current health situation.
  3. Use this opportunity to develop more meaningful and less stressful traditions.
  4. Rest even more than usual – emotional stress is exhausting.
  5. This year, learn to receive. Connect to spiritual teachings about receiving within your tradition. Allow others the joy of giving to you.
  6. Delegate some of your usual tasks and responsibilities to others.
  7. Use stress management techniques – breathing, mindfulness, relaxation, visualization, journaling, body work and exercise.

With attention to the holiness of the holidays as well as our own wholeness and wellness, we can create meaningful holiday celebrations, in spite of illness.

Christine Dietz is a licensed independent social worker, spiritual director and Reiki Master. She is the Center’s Director of Clinical Training. She received her M.S.W. from the University of Iowa and her Ph.D. in Sociology from the State University of New York at Buffalo. She is a graduate of the Lev Shomea Training Program for Spiritual Direction in the Jewish Tradition. Christine’s focus in counseling is on helping people reconnect to their innate wholeness and renew their sense of hope and possibility. She works with people experiencing anxiety, depression, OCD, trauma, life transitions, chronic illness, grief and loss, and relationship issues. She also offers individual and group spiritual direction to people from all faith traditions. She is a member of the National Association of Social Workers and Spiritual Directors International.

For more Health tips from the Center: www.dmpcc.org/healthtips

In gratitude to Betty Durden

Terri Speirs on October 16, 2017

Betty Durden: Leaving a legacy for the Center’s future

Betty Durden (photo courtesy of her family)

(October 2017) – Betty Durden lived large and gave generously. A woman of extensive accomplishment, she led with courage even when personal risk was high and rewards limited.

Of the many organizations Betty supported, she gave to the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center throughout her lifetime including serving as a member of the Center’s Foundation Board and advising on human resource best practices. At the time of her death she left a large legacy gift to the Center – a bequest that will help ensure access to counseling services for others, for years to come.

On October 12, 2017, the family of Betty Durden hosted a reception at the Center to honor Betty, and to present a large bequest check from Betty’s estate to fulfill her philanthropic wishes. Center staff were grateful for the invitation to join in the celebration of Betty’s life, and to witness the gift presentation following comments offered by Betty’s daughter, Barbara Durden Davis (see transcript below).

We are forever grateful for Betty Durden’s vision, support and remarkable legacy — supporting our shared mission of understanding, hope and healing far into the future.

The full transcript of Barbara Durden Davis’ presentation

The family of Betty Durden, along with the Center’s executive director Jim Hayes, board vice chair Sally Wood, and Center founders Ellery Duke and Eileen Burtle.

Good Afternoon –

My name is Barbara Durden Davis and I am the daughter of Betty J. Durden.  My oldest brother, Rick Durden is here as is my other brother, David.  Along with David is his wife Loretta and with me are my husband Mark Davis, my daughters Erin and Erika Romar and my granddaughter Kiylah Reed. My first cousin, my mother’s nephew Ron Morden is also here (see family photo above). My brother Rick’s wife, Karen, was going to come but unfortunately was unable to do so at the last minute.

Our Mother, Betty, died on February 20th of this year and my brothers and I are carrying out the wishes she specifically delineated in her will.  But before we make the check presentation, I’d like to tell you a bit about her.

She received her BA in English from Drake in 1948 after having a couple of hiccups in her education due to time spent at the FBI in Washington D.C. in the steno pool and serving as a Yeoman in the WAVES.

She received an MSE in Guidance and Counseling in 1971 and then an Ed.D in 1990 when she was 67 years old.  Both of these were from Drake University.

While she was in a volunteer position at the Des Moines YWCA, she was approached during the summer of 1969 to join Drake University as Director of Women Programs where she was to set up a program of continuing education for women.  She accepted and was appointed Assistant to the Dean of Continuing Education.  She stayed with Drake through 1988 retiring as Director of Human Resources and Special Assistant to the President for Equal Opportunity Programs.

In 1984 she had been honored as a YWCA Woman of the Achievement.

In her “spare” time, she organized and chaired Governor Robert D. Ray’s Commission on the Status of Women, was the State Chair of ERA of Iowa, sat on boards of Interstate Association of Commissions of Status of Women, Children and Families of Iowa, Interfaith Alliance of Iowa, and Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center.

In talking with your Director Emeritus, Ellery Duke, I found out how our Mother began her relationship with Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center.  Although he didn’t remember who had recommended for her to come on the Board, it was her knowledge of personnel issues which made her a valuable asset to Ellery and the Center.  She and the Personnel Committee of the Board reviewed the employment handbook and helped make sure the Center was complying with employment rules and regulations.  Ellery said he relied on her for her expertise in the area of Human Resources.

When her term as a regular board member was coming to an end, she wanted to become a Foundation Board member and did so.  Which she then became the President of.  A former employee here recalls our Mother’s tremendous organizational skills and the follow-up she provided.  She always had an agenda ready for the meeting and provided typed minutes to the Board members thereafter.  Although no longer the President, Mother was an active member of the Foundation Board during the time of the Capital Campaign which resulted in the facility we are in now.   And, fortunately, she was able to live the benefits of this new facility through partaking in the therapy services herself and personally knowing that others were receiving the help they needed.

A little insight into her private life: She had her hair done weekly. She would not go anywhere without her lipstick on.  She had a passion for fine jewelry and Persian rugs.  When most people walk into a room they notice the walls, the furniture and maybe the lighting.  Our mother walked in with her head down, inspecting what covering was on the floors.  She collected teacups and saucers.  She loved eggs made out of all kinds of substances; stone, malachite, porcelain, glass…  She felt that eggs were a representation of life’s renewal.  She studied and educated herself on various religions. Oh, and she was a published author at age 90.  She wrote “Sanity after Seventy, a humorous and poignant look at life in the very mature years….by a woman who is living them.”

At times she was quite haughty and a snob.  She was almost the spitting image of Queen Elizabeth II and in our family, she WAS the Queen. But she was a very loving mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She was an excellent role model for women and she had an adage for us: if you join a group and don’t like how it is run, either quit or take it over!

Our Mother was a huge believer in education and in helping others.  She had a deep sense of faith.  Ellery Duke told me that Mother was especially pleased with Des Moines Pastoral Counseling because of your ability to integrate spirituality and human need.  This bequest to Des Moines Pastoral Counseling was not a last minute decision nor was it made lightly.  I was her attorney for many years and every time we dealt with her estate planning, she made sure that she would be providing for this Center.  And as such, our Mother presents to you a check.

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For more information about the benefits of estate giving, please visit www.dmpcc.org/legacy.

Oliver’s Story

Terri Speirs on September 29, 2017

Oliver is a thoughtful, curious first grader. With a backpack full of school supplies and a renewed sense of resilience, Oliver is classroom ready. But last year was different. He grew uninterested and aggressive. One day he stood in the middle of his kindergarten classroom and screamed. His worried parents knew he needed professional counseling but they worked multiple jobs and relied on public transit. It seemed impossible to find a qualified children’s counselor on a bus line, plus take unpaid time off from work.

This is where the good news comes in. Oliver’s teacher referred the family to the Center’s new counseling outreach program located in the same building as Oliver’s free afterschool program, in the heart of urban Des Moines. His parents signed him up and Oliver met with his counselor once a week. Oliver found a way to communicate his fears through art and play. His counselor taught him age appropriate methods to work through his anxiety. Now, Oliver is back to school and feeling strong.

We launched the counseling outreach program in February 2017 in partnership with Grace United Methodist Church and Trinity/Los Americas United Methodist Church. Referrals also come from Free Clinics of Iowa and the Des Moines Public Schools. We are excited to grow the program to serve more children like Oliver, and we invite you to join us. Will you please give a gift to help more children and families access quality counseling?

DonateNow

If you have questions or ideas, please contact Terri Speirs, director of development and marketing at (515) 251-6670, [email protected].

Thank you for your consideration!

(Name and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.)

Let’s talk about grief

Terri Speirs on September 13, 2017

special to the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center, September 2017

By Billie Wade

Billie Wade, writer

Grief, despite its proliferation in human life, is a taboo subject. We don’t like to see other people hurting, so we ply each other with platitudes of hope. Grief has a bad reputation, at least when it lasts more than a predetermined period. We appear strong as we handle the whirlwind of initial responsibilities. After that, we’re expected to bounce back, buck up, get over it, and get on with our life. Bereaved people are perceived to be in a state of weakness.

Within days of the loss, we are expected to be back in the full swing of life as we begin our adjustment to a “new “normal. Friends and family members no longer stop by or call to check on us or invite us to coffee or dinner. We no longer hear the words, “Let me know if you just need to talk.” They observe, “She’s so strong. Her husband passed away a month ago, she’s returned to work, and she’s looking great!” “Well, you know, his wife was sick for a long time. He’s probably relieved.” “She’s so vibrant and savvy. She’ll have a new job in no time.”

People referring to grief typically are talking about the loss of a loved one, but grief encompasses so much more. Other losses may be just as devastating, and wreak as much havoc in our lives. Grief can happen in minute quantities that we may not notice consciously. Some losses may be almost imperceptible and bind to existing losses, forming a tangled ball of grief. I grieved the loss of my auburn-brown hair as it gave way to mixed gray, which in reality was the grieving of the loss of my youth and an acknowledgment of years of hard experiences and choices.

Grief in everyday life can’t be overlooked or de-emphasized, but it can be over-simplified. Various “experts” have laid out identifiable phases of grief: shock, numbness, denial, bargaining, anger, depression, sadness, and acceptance, characterized by a host of predictable and observable signs and symptoms. Cut-and-dried stages, while useful for research and treatment protocols, fall short of capturing individual experience and rob the griever of valuable support, insight, and transformation. An undercurrent of deeper meaning flows in spite of the phase. The woman grieving the loss of her job may be grappling with issues of identity, trust, faith, shame, and fear of an uncertain financial future. The man grieving the loss of his wife or partner may be battling overwhelming feelings of guilt, regret, the loss of partnership, and lack of direction. People grieving the loss of a pet may be feeling the emptiness of the companionship and no longer caring for another living being.

When we reach the “destination” of acceptance, we supposedly are healed and ready to move on with life. But, we humans don’t neatly fit into prescribed categories, and grief is rarely precise and tidy. We may ping-pong among the various phases, we may feel several simultaneously, or we may skip some entirely. The gamut of attendant feelings and the manner in which each person traverses them are as unique as fingerprints.

Acceptance means seeing a situation as it is, and knowing that it, and the people involved, won’t change. We need time and support to adjust to our new normal. Grief catapults us into previously unknown territory and requires a new language. Acceptance is a process that unfolds as we face each new day. We may integrate acceptance into our lives, several times. Or, we may bounce off acceptance like a force field. For instance, we may feel anger, sadness, and acceptance all at the same time. We may find ourselves at different points of the grief continuum in multiple situations.

Every experience of grief differs from its predecessor. My sister, my mother, and my partner died within a thirteen month period, my mother and partner ten weeks apart. I grieve each of them differently, but no less intensely, as they each played a different role in my life. I love them all for different, but no less important, reasons. Their lives brought value to mine in unique ways.

We need to be wary when someone tries to stuff us into a phase, or ridicules or discounts us about where we are in our grief. We feel what we feel when we feel it. Several years ago I grieved my father as he suffocated over a two-year period from lung cancer, emphysema, and asthma. Therapists and counselors call this “anticipatory grief.” A friend of mine was adamant that I couldn’t grieve my father ahead of his passing. He couldn’t understand that I was grieving the relationship that I could never establish with my father, in addition to watching him die slowly. I had been grieving the physical and emotional absence of my father my whole life, and those feelings intensified with his impending death. I appeared stoic at my father’s visitation, which my friend deemed inappropriate. He subsequently ended our relationship because I was “doing it wrong.”

The grief I have experienced was in addition to and different from the bouts of depression and anxiety I live with on a daily basis. I benefitted from honoring the directives of my body—eating and sleeping when I needed to rather than trying to adhere to a rigid schedule, maintaining my social support system and continuing with professional counseling. I learned what was right for me. For awhile, I needed a specific time to go to bed and to get up in the mornings. That schedule gave me a sense of control when everything else felt out of control. I took naps when I needed to without setting the alarm.

Grief is a universally human process. All grieving deserves respect and compassion, from ourselves as well as from others, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Billie Wade is a gregarious introvert whose primary interests are writing, lifelong learning, personal development, and how we all are affected by life’s vagaries. Issues facing black people, women, the LGBTQ community, and aging adults are of particular concern to her. She enjoys open-hearted dialogue with diverse people. The opinions expressed here are her own.

Post 3 :: Men/Boys and Mental Health: Suicide Prevention Awareness

Terri Speirs on September 10, 2017

Scott Young, Ph.D.

By Dr. Scott Young, licensed psychologist at the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

(September 2017) Hi All! For our blog topic this month, I want to open a discussion about a tough topic. September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and while this is an important topic for us all to consider, it is especially important to open a dialogue with boys and men about suicide. For various reasons, we know from the Center for Disease and Control and Prevention (CDC) that girls and women are far more likely (3x) to ATTEMPT suicide during the course of their lives; however, we also know that boys and men are far more likely to COMPLETE suicide (3.5-4x) than girls and women.

Furthermore, we know from a recent study at the University of Iowa, that farmers have been particularly vulnerable to the lure of suicide since the farm crisis of the 80s and continuing today. I’d like to give just a few more statistics to drive home how important this discussion really is to we Iowans. Suicide is the 9th leading cause of death overall, here in Iowa, and is the 2nd leading cause of death among Iowans age 15-34. In my clinical practice, I’ve also seen a deeply troubling trend toward more suicidality among our teenagers.

The above statistics make a chill run down my spine, and are very sobering. They also highlight some opportunities for all of us, male and female, to examine how we can play a part in changing the lives those statistics represent. It is within all our power to educate ourselves on risk factors, signs of risk for suicide, and ways to help ourselves and/or others who face thoughts of suicide. To that end, I’d like to share some thoughts and resources in the hopes they may prove helpful to you.

  • No one is immune to the effects of suicide. While I’ve shared above some demographic information about particular risks, anyone can be struggling!
  • Most people who experience suicidal thoughts are in great pain and/or have suffered great loss, such as loss of job, romantic partnership, respect, or legal freedoms. To view people who struggle with suicidal thoughts and behaviors as “weak” downplays their pain, and ignores that we all could find ourselves in their shoes.
  • People who have supportive relationships and communities, including religious and spiritual communities, are less likely to suicide. They are also more likely to receive treatment for underlying physical and mental health concerns that put them at risk for suicide.
  • When in doubt, don’t hesitate to talk about suicide! There is no evidence that asking someone or talking about suicide “puts the idea in their head.” Since males can often receive messages about being the “strong silent type”, we especially need others to check in with us about suicide so we can feel ok to open up. Even if someone is shocked or mad on the surface because you asked, doesn’t mean you were wrong to ask out of care and concern.
  • Men are less likely to seek help for many health concerns, especially traditional mental health help. Don’t assume that anyone who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts is getting help, or that others know and are taking care of that person!
  • There are supports available. Whether for you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reaching out for help can be the most difficult and important thing. Resources for help can be found through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at: https://afsp.org/find-support/. You can also seek emergency assistance from a local hospital or 911 call, and non-emergency assistance from the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center at (515) 274-4006.
  • For more information, please see the following resources:

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Men/boys and mental health, more blog posts here: www.dmpcc.org/men

 

Survivor of Suicide Loss Support Group for women and men: 

The Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center offers a monthly support group for survivors of suicide loss. It matters not how long ago your loss. For more information: www.dmpcc.org/survivor

Consider the roots

Terri Speirs on August 10, 2017

August 2017 – A reflection by Jim Hayes, Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center. This post originally appeared in the Center’s 2016 annual report.

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Have you ever noticed the symbol of our “brand” for the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center?

I see roots. I am told others see a blossom.

I have experienced the blossom born from these roots in my first days and weeks as the Executive Director of the Center. The clearest manifestation has been the staff—my colleagues. The Center has incredible talent. I have seen many examples of folks working together to get better, to find creative ways to bring hope and healing to the people we serve.

As I think more deeply, I am aware that so much of the good work that we do springs from seeds planted by many people I may never meet or come to know. I think of Ray Martin who worked with others to found the Center in 1972—45 years ago. Also nestled in this fertile soil are the many staff members who gave so much of their time and talent to refine our mission and serve our clients. Ellery Duke and Jeanne Schossow come to mind, who both retired in 2016 after decades of service. I am grateful for the hundreds of board members who wrestled with questions of mission and vision, along with the complex decisions and answers such questions require. I am humbled by the thousands of donors whose resources have made it all possible.

I witnessed such commitment when I recently attended the funeral of Betty Durden, who is highlighted in this issue of the annual report. I only came to know her through the ritual of her passing. I never got a chance to see her leadership on the board or to see her promote our work in the community.  Her heritage, however, continues to sustain us through memorials and planned giving as she remembered us in her estate.

As you read through this annual report, by all means celebrate the inspiring work that happens in this special place each day. But also remember the myriad roots of this fruitful mission.

James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

In gratitude for all who committed to our past to make the present possible,

Jim

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Read more from Jim’s blog: www.dmpcc.org/Jim

Jack’s story

Terri Speirs on July 24, 2017

Meet Jack

Jack is a brave, bright and kind child on the cusp of his teenage years.

Each morning he makes breakfast for his younger siblings and helps them get ready for school. Jack takes on more responsibilities as his mom descends into severe depression. Though Jack is growing into his own maturity, he is too young to understand how physical, sexual and emotional abuse has traumatized his mom. All he knows is she cannot get out of bed. Jack feels a confusing mix of anger, sadness and compassion.

To sort out his complex emotions, Jack meets with a counselor in the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center’s C.O.O.L. practice (Children Overcoming the Obstacles of Life). C.O.O.L. is the Center’s specialized counseling approach that integrates play, art and physical movement to help young people communicate their inner life.

In his therapeutic artwork, Jack creates landscapes of his life before and after his mother’s depression. His counselor is trained to help Jack articulate his artistic choices.

“I feel comfortable and safe here,” said Jack about his counseling experience. He knows his mom cannot fully provide right now and he does not blame her. He is hopeful his mom will get better.

*Jack is a pseudonym. Identifying factors have been changed to ensure privacy.