Author: Jim Hayes

I had the privilege to attend the recent funeral of Bernie Gottner. A privilege because the celebration of his life was so uplifting as a result of the rituals that gave clear evidence of a rich life well lived.

Why start this edition of my series on generosity and gratitude with a condensed obituary?

Bernie was the spouse of Eileen Burtle, one of our retired therapists whom I consider to be one of the founders of the Center. She began her work with us in 1981, not long after the arrival of Ellery Duke and Jeff Means—and just ahead of Jeanne Schossow. These “founders”, along with others who were the first counselors and staff in the early years of the Center, did so much to set a direction, establish common values, forge a mission and care for those we serve with genuine pastoral concern.

As I have deepened my understanding of the Center in my first years as executive director, I have regularly been inspired by the depth of commitment of our staff. I am fortunate to be surrounded by such good and committed people who work so hard to carry out our heritage, passed down from our founders since 1972. Sacrifices abound.

I have heard many stories of the struggles the Center encountered in the early years. That too is a heritage shared by many nonprofits. I’m sure there were many sleepless nights when those folks—and the board finance committee—wondered if there would be enough money to pay the utility bill and make payroll. Word on the street is that even contemporary administrators at the Center have similar concerns. 🙂  And yet those forebears forged ahead. One step and day at a time, always doing their best to help those in need of hope and healing.

Which gets me to Bernie. Would all the staff who have gone before us been able to make the sacrifices and carry on the work if they didn’t have the support of loving spouses, family and community. You can imagine the heavy burden one brings home after a day of helping others to carry their load by listening to stories and offering counsel. Going “home” to friends and family (in the broadest sense of that word) provides a shelter and context for self-care after a day of caring for others, many of whom carry horrific burdens.

As I reflect on generosity and gratitude, I think of all those who are in this work with us. Some directly as volunteers, as donors, but others indirectly by providing love and community for those who serve our mission. None of us make this world better on our own. We do it in the context of community and shared values and commitments—and by loving and supporting one another.

Bernie did plenty of good, inspiring work in his own ministry and career, but he and Eileen together did something magical in their shared mission. And the two shall be one. We are the better for it.

And we are better because of you. Not just two become one, but many who share one goal of serving those in need of hope and healing. Thank you for the many ways you support our efforts at the Center. A special thanks to our families and communities of support. Your love means the world to us and those we serve.

Jim

www.dmpcc.org/Jim

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Tis the season of March, which invites me and others of Irish heritage to celebrate the memory of St. Patrick. Not the usual distortions of all things green, but literally a heritage. I’ve been known to sing a traditional ballad now and again. I often set aside time in March to read a bit of Irish history or literature. Options abound. This year I’m reading John O’Donohue, whose lively imagination has helped me and many others to pay attention to the little things each day in order to experience the joy of wonder. Here’s a quote that inspired pause:

One of the most exciting and energetic forms of thought is the question. I always think that the question is like a lantern. It illuminates new landscapes and new areas as it moves. Therefore the question always assumes that there are many different dimensions to a thought that you are either blind to or that are not available to you. So a question is really one of the forms in which wonder expresses itself. (p. 6)

John O’Donohue, Walking in Wonder: Eternal Wisdom for a Modern World. 2015.

The power of a question to guide us to wonder.

I experience it on a regular basis when I’m working with the generous people who support our work at the Center. I often begin conversations by asking people how they became connected with the Center in the first place. I’ve reflected on answers to that question in previous posts, but suffice it to say that a relationship was established in which the Center played a role in helping someone to find their way to hope and healing.

A follow up question regularly inspires wonder: Where did you learn to be so generous with your time, or talent, or treasure/resources? The answer often involves modeling. Donors grew up in families that valued generosity. They encountered someone whose generosity benefited them and made a difference in helping that person to find a path to success and fulfillment. They engaged in the work of an organization like the Center and saw the direct connection of supporting a mission in order to help others thrive. Lanterns illumined new landscapes and possibilities.

I encourage the community of stakeholders engaged in our work to keep these questions in mind as you’re out and about in the community. “How did you become involved in mental health issues?” (It’s a great way to fight stigma). All of us are touched in some way by these issues. There are too many tragic tales, but also inspiring narratives of healing. Don’t be afraid of the follow up question of how folks learned to be generous as they engaged an issue like mental health. My guess is you’re going to hear more inspiring answers of how one learns to be generous and engaged so as to live a fulfilled life. It’s the path to leading a life that matters and there is much work to be done.

I stand in wonder each day when I see how our work is made possible through the generosity of so many  who participate in and support our mission.

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James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

I’m a big fan of Anne Lamott. Her irreverent eloquence and sharp insights rendered palatable by humor have inspired me in important life moments. She helps me to understand that each moment is precious.

A recent read of “Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace”, stranded me in a moment. It began in the beginning, the preface, titled “Victory Lap:”

The worst possible thing you can do when you’re down in the dumps, tweaking, vaporous with victimized self-righteousness, or bored, is to take a walk with dying friends. They will ruin everything for you.
First of all, friends like this may not even think of themselves as dying, although they clearly are, according to recent scans and gentle doctors’ reports. But no, they see themselves as fully alive. They are living and doing as much as they can, as well as they can, for as long as they can.
They ruin your multitasking high, the bath of agitation, rumination, and judgment you wallow in, without the decency to come out and just say anything. They bust you by being grateful for the day, while you are obsessed with how thin your lashes have become and how wide your bottom… When you are on the knife’s edge — when nobody knows exactly what is going to happen next, only that it will be worse — you take in today.

These words guide my reflections as I continue to ponder the virtue of gratitude and generosity for 2019. I am often distracted by “multitasking, agitation, rumination and judgement.” I can get so tangled in the distractions that I miss the beauty of the moment; inattention rules the day.

Lamott’s insight into the reason terminally ill folks “ruin everything for us” is that those left with little time appreciate every time. I am sure this explains why generosity makes us feel better. When we acknowledge how precious the present, gratitude naturally follows. Even breath inspires gratitude—which I believe leads to generosity. As you have received, give.

Examples at the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center abound. Clients suffering from anxiety or depression benefit from mindfulness exercises that deepen our appreciation of the moment. Families and communities of faith torn by conflict, through intervention, come to an appreciation of letting go of little things in order to focus on the ties that bind. Trauma victims gain insight into a life of many moments rather than only the horrific. It’s all hard work, but the rewards are great.

My mindfulness exercise or “Moment of Grace” in this composition is to simply sit for a moment in the presence of all those who steward resources in such a way so as to make our work possible. People who have volunteered time, struggled to train in order to help others, or donated to help us help others. Just sit there with all those folks—many of whom I’ll never meet. Take in today.

May the generosity of all involved lead to a deep spirit of gratitude, acknowledging that we are part of a work bigger than any of us as we strive to bring understanding, hope and healing into the present moment through our mission.

Each moment along the way is precious.

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“The best part of your story is when it changes.”
― Bella Bloom

James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, DMPCC

Writers know this better than most of us: it’s all about the transitions, moving the narrative from point A to B in order to create a beautiful and compelling story.

I’ve noticed of late that it is difficult to make smooth transitions in the narrative we call life. I’m not sure how we were trained to think that change or transitions come easily. Ask any writer, transitions are often hard work.

Here are some of the examples I’ve encountered of late:

• A spouse has a health setback and you find yourself in a hospital room wondering, “How did I get here?”
• A family endures a work transfer and the kids find themselves in a new school
• A marriage is at a crisis point
• Your job description at work changes and you find yourself needing to learn new skills
• Your identity begins to come to full bloom and others seem surprised
• A lengthy career comes to a celebratory end and you wonder, “Now what do I do with my life?”

Each transition brings with it incredible stress and what might feel like insurmountable challenge. At such points, I am grateful that a place like the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center exists. We’re here to help others come to understanding, hope and healing through counseling and education.

Why am I grateful? First of all, I’m biased because I think this is an awesome place.

More importantly, the above bullets are not hypotheticals, they are experiences that are recent content of my own personal narrative and folks who are significant part of my life story. I’ve done my best to walk with the people who are working their way through these transitions. There are times, however, that our personal support systems can’t quite handle the stress. It’s nice to know there are compassionate, highly trained professionals who can walk with us in these moments of transition. Sometimes it is our role to point folks in the right direction so that they can find the resources they need. I hope that when that happens, people think of the Center—and that their experience of us is truly one of understanding, hope and healing.

May we all discover at some point that on the other side of the transition or change is the best part of your story.

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June 2017 – A reflection by Jim Hayes, Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

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I have spent a good bit of my life exploring the notion of vocation. Think of this as your answer to the question, “What should I do with my life.” A book that I have found helpful along the way is Brian Mahan’s, Forgetting Ourselves on Purpose: Vocation and the Ethics of Ambition.  Among the author’s many findings in the succinct composition is that giving our time to others enlivens us—draws us closer to the experience of being fully alive.

In other words, volunteering is good for us on many levels.

Many of you involved in the work of the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center already know this. People offer countless hours to our organization and other worthwhile causes and organizations. I encounter these generous spirits almost daily. Board members who give of their time to make sure we have what we need to fulfill our mission. Staff who offer time to one another to study cases in order to continually improve as clinicians. Donors who attend events or enter into conversations with others to promote the importance of our work. Most recently, witnessing the commitment of the Women Helping Women Committee devote hours of energy to achieve record breaking resources to help us serve our clients most in need. If you could have been a fly on the wall of those committee meetings, you would have seen a group of people fully alive.

Volunteering at the Center is tricky business. We want to respect the privacy of the many clients were serve as we go about our daily work. Thus, we don’t have as many direct service opportunities as, say a food pantry. I have asked others to explore with me how we can imagine possibilities for volunteerism at the Center—for a number of reasons:

• Volunteering is good for you, and we’re all about hope and healing for all. Thinking of others and giving of our time for others helps to diminish some of our daily concerns.
• We are a non-profit, so often struggling for the resources necessary for daily operations
• Some of our corporate partners from whom we seek sponsorships require volunteer opportunities for their employees at the non-profits with whom they partner as those employers also recognize the value of volunteerism and community engagement
• Volunteers tend to be more deeply committed to the organizations they serve
• A community of volunteers is just that—a community. Gathering volunteers occasionally will build up our sense of community at the Center.

Conversations about this topic have generated some great ideas on how we might expand appropriate volunteer opportunities at the Center. If this list of examples sparks other ideas for you, please send them my way.

• A volunteer coordinator to help organize and recognize volunteers at the Center
• Data entry
• Volunteer receptionists who can cover for short periods of time in order to free up our excellent administrative staff to do training or other needs that might take them away from their very important “front of house” duties
• Simple maintenance jobs around the Center
• Landscape work. As we continue to grow into our building, our landscape plan matures and is often in need of tender loving care. We would love to have some folks “adopt a garden.” We need immediate help in this area. We’re also exploring spring and fall clean up days as events to bring people together to celebrate and support our work
• Board subcommittees. We have many needs on these committees which require expertise. Examples are finance, human resources, fund development and community engagement
• Board of Directors

These are just a few examples. We’ll continue to provide such examples and are certainly open to other opportunities or gifts. Send me your ideas, or even better, let me know which of these opportunities are of interest.

Some of these needs can be met through capital campaigns and fund development. We shall continue to work hard on that. I am of the conviction that it is not only the sharing of treasure that makes us stronger, but in the sharing of our time and talents that we find our way to the fullness of life—by forgetting ourselves on purpose.

James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

We celebrate and are grateful for the many ways people help us to serve others in our mission to bring hope and healing through counseling and education.

Jim

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April 2017 – A reflection by Jim Hayes, Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

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6 April 1972. Ring a bell?

That date, 45 years ago, was when the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center was formally incorporated. How do I know this? One of the first things Ellery Duke (executive director 1976 – 2016) provided me when I arrived in December 2016 was a faded and only slightly tattered copy of the board of directors’ minutes of the first four years of the Center.

It’s a great read, thanks to Glenna Evans, who was the secretary for all those meetings. She has a distinctive voice and wry wit as she captures some of the drama of our first years. The document begins with a thematic “This is Your Life” summary, based on the popular TV show of the day.

Click page to launch a readable version of the Center’s history, “This is Your Life” by Glenna Evans.

I often think of Glenna, of Dr. Ray Martin, our Founder and all the others who have made this mission possible—and vibrant. Reflecting on their efforts inspires gratitude. We had cupcakes at our April staff meeting to commemorate the 45^th.  As our 50^th anniversary arises on the horizon of our consciousness, I hope that we can put together a quality history of the many great stories of hope and healing that occurred over the decades. We’ll also need to have an appropriate celebration on or around 6 April 2022. Pencil it in!

James E. Hayes, D. Min., M. Div., Executive Director, Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center

Until then, thank you again for the many ways you support us and inspire our mission.

Jim

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